Swinging for couples?

This is an article which is based on the website http://www.thirdage.com/news/archive/ALT03020510-01.html?std,which I think is useful and important reading material for couples.

Swinging for Couples
Question: What do you think are the long-term disadvantages to the "swinging" lifestyle? My wife and I were thinking of getting involved in it, but I am not so sure it will have good results.

Steve says: Don't do it -- swingers usually strike out. Most of us (including me) couldn't handle the jealousy, insecurity and fear of abandonment.
Why? Well, try this on for size. Imagine your wife in the arms of another lover. Now imagine her being more sexually satisfied than she has ever been with you. (Are we having fun yet?) Add to that the chance that they hit it off emotionally, and she finds in him the soul mate she's long desired. If you're not prepared for those possibilities, then you're not ready for swinging.

A key question here is how important is your marriage. If it's important to you, then you risk eroding trust and commitment, two cornerstones of an intimate relationship. If your marriage isn't that important, this will likely be the linchpin that destroys it. Either way, you lose.

Sexual intimacy is the potential bloom of a well-tended friendship. Many couples don't grow deeply enough together. Besides trust and commitment, it takes ongoing courage to risk being vulnerable. You certainly won't get there by undermining the foundation.

I've been in the counseling business for nearly 30 years, and I have yet to meet a couple that has successfully pulled off swinging for any length of time. Play with fire, expect to get burned.

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And don't suggest this as a way to legitimize your attraction to another person. It's an affair no matter how you wrap it. Once you swing, it's beyond your control; the boundaries will be blurred. For instance, can you have sex with another couple even if your spouse is not interested? Can you have dinner out with a woman other than your wife?

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Better to examine your relationship and ask yourselves why it alone is not enough. Then develop what you have and create new ways to stimulate excitement. Short-term thrills such as swinging do not enhance long-term intimacy.


Editors Note:
From a Biblical perspective, swinging is wrong, because the Bible teaches that sex with anyone, who is not your spouse, is wrong - it is called adultery.  It does not matter, whether your spouse, encouraged you to do it, it is still wrong.  The authors of this article, make a good point - that swinging destoys the marriage relationship.  This is another example of how, "God's way, is the best way."  Those who follow God's moral laws, are blessed, with richer, and happier lives!

Comments From Readers

A reader says ... Me & my wife have been swingers for 5 years now and, Yes he is right about one thing if you & her are not their in mind and body, then all those things this man is saying will happen. As for me & my wife we still swing been together for 15 years and going their are two side to this storie and I'm saying talk to her about the do's & dont's of swing and come up with a plan to help you have fun and be safe mind & body. You see nobody can tell me about it because me & my wife do partys as well as clubs and we are about to open are own club in nyc. It's true some bad things do happen to couples. I say this if you I you want a excellent swingers marriage both of you will have to talk about all topics the good & bad any way thats the other side of the truth.  

A reader says ... Thank you so much for re-assuring is exactly what I thought about swing or allowing someone else to come in between our marriage relationship and our friendship.  My husband talks about this alot during sex and fantazies about having another couple or another man or women as a 3rd person.  I do know to me is might slightly sound good at the time for one minute, but when the reality of it after the sexual peak it has left me discussed with him.  I know "God's way is the way he wanted it to be"

Thank