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No romance
I have been married for almost 13 years and we have 2 wonderful children. There has not been any romance in our marriage since my son was conceived and he is now 6. We attend church faithfully and try to raise our kids in a Christian environment. We sleep in separate beds. I don't believe in divorce and want to make this marriage work. Please give me some advice to help me put some romance back in our marriage.
Editors Response:
It's great that you are wanting things to change. It shows you care and want things to be better. The Bible has all the answers for life, and "His Needs, Her Needs" is a book that helps us apply Biblical principals in the area of marriage. So I would recommend that you and your spouse read this book together.
Marriages are always in one of three states - love, conflict or withdrawal. Love is where the couple is in love with each other and everything is going great. Conflict is where the couple love each other, but they argue with each other trying to work things out. Withdrawal is where one or both have given up on trying to work things out. This is the dangerous stage of the marriage where it is in jeopardy. If the couple are Christians the may stay together but life will not be much fun. Your marriage may be in this state since you are sleeping in separate rooms.
The solution to your problems is to both agree to move back into the conflict stage. Because you can't get back to the love stage until you move through the conflict stage.
You both need to decide to address the problems that have hurt you. Reading this book, "His Needs, Her Needs" will help you do this. Or you can visit MarriageBuilders.com and read through the articles on marriage he has there. Here is a link: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html.
Ask yourselves what do you not like about each other. Ask yourselves why do you sleep in separate rooms. Is it because he snores or because you all can't agree on something? Decide that you both want to work things out and sleep together. What are the things that cause your emotions to flair up against each other? Decide to work them out one by one.
In a good marriage both the husband and wife agree on everything. One may have to comprise to agree with the other but they need to both feel good about each other. In a Christian marriage the husband is the head of the household. But that does not mean he acts like a dictator. I'm a Christian and I am the husband and I value my wife's opinion as much as my own. In certain areas she has more expertise and in others I do.
If you don't really have any problems in your marriage and you still do not feel the romance between each other, then still read the book, “His Needs, Her Needs” or read through the articles on MarriageEuilders.com.
I'm hope you both pray together each night and both have a deep love for Christ.
You may want to tell your wife about our web site MarriageRomance.com and ask her if she would like to try reading some mild, medium or hot writings with you in bed. These stories can increase your passion for each other. Or you may listen to them together in bed. Soon we will have CD's out with many of the better stories on them, which you will be able to listen to in bed together.
I will pray God will bless your marriage and sometime within next year we plan on offering free counseling again. God Bless you and Happy Valentines day to you and your husband!
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