|
How Could This Happen?
How could this happen? How can you search so long and so hard for true love and find it when you just give up? That is what happened to me, and this is my story.
My childhood was far from typical. My mom was in the military and my dad jumped from job to job trying to earn more and more for his growing family. My parents married young and gave birth to me just seven months after they were married. We eventually became a family of five, with my youngest sister being five years younger then myself. We weren't a lovey-dovey kind of family. We rarely heard that we were loved, but we all knew that in our parents' oddly misguided sense of love, we were.
We all strived to do what was expected of us. We made excellent grades and we were teacher's pets…you know, the goody-goodies that everyone else can't stand. (Although somehow, the baby became very popular in school, regardless of the goody-two-shoes stigma she had.) Our mother was very controlling (even domineering) and Dad just had this knack for ignoring everything—no exaggeration, by the way—so anything that Mom said was law. Everyone thought we were the perfect family, and we quickly learned the reciprocations when we confided in the school counselor. You see, Mom was working in the lunchroom, so when we told the counselor, she went right to her and repeated everything we had said.
I learned not to trust people, and I had a very poor self-image. I had always been chubby. (If only I had the same figure now that I had then!) When I became old enough to date, I thought that if a guy didn't have his hands all over me, he didn't really like me. I was about 16 years old and there was a guy at school—we had become friends on the bus several years earlier, but now things were getting weird. He brought me gift for nearly every holiday. His name was Michael. He was tall and skinny and in one word, a "nerd". I thought he was great, but when the two of us went Christmas shopping—I invited him to go with me—I could not believe how different he was than at school! He was so hyper and goofy. I didn't really mind, I had fun, but I was shocked. I took him back home and he gave me the Christmas gift he had for me—a glass rose (my favorite color—blue) he said that it lasted longer than the real thing. HOW SWEET! Then he gave me a hug, no kiss…surely he didn't really like me.
Well, one week before I turned 17, I helped a friend at his wedding. His best man was a friend of his that I had known for several years—I used to be "one of the guys"—but I hadn't seen him in a couple of years. He had lost weight and he looked great! I filled out a bit, so I guess I looked pretty good to him, too. Well, I nosed my way into a conversation and got his attention—I found out later that I had already caught his eye! We had some common interests and got along great. He told me how to get his number, and when I called and asked for Chris, we talked for some time. We seemed to have so much to say. He asked me out on a date—I had to ask my parents first. When they approved, I was stunned! We went to a movie—THE WORST MOVIE EVER—we just laughed about it. That was the beginning of a 2-1/2 year relationship.
When we had been together about 7 months, we had plans to get married. He even proposed and gave me his class ring. I had vowed to be married before I lost my virginity, but I gave in that night. We were in his truck when I lost my virginity to him. I didn't think it was a mistake for quite some time…I was madly in love with him…and I was determined to stay in a relationship as long as he didn't physically abuse me. It was true that I had felt somewhat pressured by him, but not because of anything he directly said or did. Due to my poor self-image, I convinced myself that if I didn't have sex with him, that he would go back to his ex-girlfriend. I will spare you these details, but years earlier they had supposedly had sex on several occasions and she had accused him of fathering her child. They later, according to the story, determined it wasn't possible because the baby was bi-racial. He had managed to keep this dilemma from his parents.
I became very close with Chris' friends, and I think they with me. I adored his family--Chris however, never tried to open up to my friends and eventually that became the last straw. His racecar and truck took priority over our plans with my friends time and again. One night he was working on his truck long past time to be at my friends' place. His mom said that when he was at a stopping point she would have him call me. I decided to call my friends and cancel, when I heard my old friend Michael's truck pull into the drive. We had kept in touch through the years, as you always hope to do with your really good friends. I told Karla that I had to let her go, that I was going to vent to Michael for a while, and she told me to bring HIM. She and her husband had been really good mutual friends of Michael's and mine in high school. I asked if he wanted to go and he agreed. We had SO much fun that night! I laughed harder than I had in ages! I realized that it felt really good to have so much fun, and that Chris and I had grown apart. When Michael took me home that night, he never made a pass at me. I wasn't sure if it was him being a gentleman or him being naïve, but when I confided the difficulties I was having with Chris we were sitting across from each other at a picnic table in my parents front yard. He reached across the table and touched my hand to comfort me—I will never forget the sheer electric pulse that ran through my blood at that very second. I immediately knew that I needed to break up with Chris.
Chris didn't take the news very well. I was sorry to have to end our relationship on such a sour note, but it was time to put myself first. So I did. And I invited Michael to attend a Halloween Festival we had at the daycare I was working at. My friend Karla worked there too, and she had invited her husband to help. The four of us were together again and we just kept having fun!
Michael and I have been together since. Officially starting our relationship on October 24th, 1996. We married on August 8th, 1997 and had our first, and for now ONLY, child on March 20th, 2000. We live in a little house in a beautiful neighborhood. Except for my paid job as a church nursery worker, I am a stay-at-home mom. We have our difficulties, but he always knows what I need. We finish each others sentences, we share each others dreams and we are so connected emotionally, spiritually and physically that I have no doubt whatsoever that God put this special man on this earth in this time and this place to become a part of my life and me in his. I am unbelievably loved and I know exactly…how this could happen.
|
|