tired of my cheating and lying husband

Please pray for my husband and me. I am writing because my marriage is in desperate need of help. My husband has cheated on me more than several times and I have gotten fed up with it. I want to leave him, but I can't because of my finances and because I am trying to do the right thing. I want our marriage to work but he keeps on cheating and it makes it hard for me to be with him or trust him. Every time he goes out of the door I think that he is going to see another woman; which he probably is. I need prayer in order to leave him.

I have a 13 year old son that is very miserable because he has to listen to us argue every day. That is not how I want to live the rest of my life. I have been a beautician for 12 years and now that business is slow and I can't find a job. He goes out, gets drunk, cheats with any woman, lies about where he is going, stays out all day and night until he gets ready for work at eleven o clock at night. I caught him recently cheating with what was supposed to be a family friend's daughter, over at her house, around the corner from my house. I was devastated and now I am so very furious with him that I have bad thoughts of doing things to him and I know that that is wrong; but that is how I really really feel. I am sick of staying with him for: doing the right thing because he is doing nothing but hurting me.

I have no one else to turn to but the Lord Savior Jesus Christ. I recently signed up for school so that I can get another degree in something that I like doing so that when I get up on my feet I can leave him. I cannot take any more! Please pray for me that I can stand with the Lord and keep my head focused so that I can be happy and satisfied with myself. I know that it is not my fault that he cheats; he obviously is not happy with himself. He has been cheating on me the whole time that we have been together; even before marriage for two years, I broke up with him but he always came back to win me over. So after I got back with him the last time he asked me to marry him knowing that he did not want me and me knowing that he was going to continue to cheat.

But all of his lies had me so blind that I could not see. I really truly love him; I am just fed up with all the cheating day by day. He lies about any little thing for no reason. Thank you for listening to my problems.

Comments From Readers

A reader says ... Oh how God loves YOU are hurting. You have been faithful to someone who has not been faithful in return. I know exactly how you feel. EXACTLY! I too ignored the signs for years. I thought I was the only one. I wasn't. It doesn't bother anymore. I'm still married to him - 26 years. It does get easier, ladies. Not all men are alike, but mine said he would be faithful after the first indiscretion, only to do it again. In my case, it has taken a toll on the marriage. We live together amicably, but we sleep in different rooms. I have learned FINALLY....to take my eyes off of my husband and to focus on the One who really loves me, truly loves me, and Ladies, He is enough. GOD IS ENOUGH! Search for Him! Be happy! Like a previous writer quoted, "Weeping may endure for a night, but JOY cometh in the morning!" Seek God's will for your marriage. Seek God's will for your life and that of your children. Follow God's plan, even when the road is hard and lonely and painful. You will be rewarded for your obedience and you will NOT be sorry! If you have children, they deserve a wonderful homelife. You ladies encourage me! There are days I too feel defeated, unloved, treated so unfairly. It's always Satan gaining a stronghold on me. I pray and God is faithful to pull me out of my misery. Every day, I learn a little more how to take my eyes of that which holds me in bondage - my hollow marriage. I love GOD! He is all I need! God Bless YOU who are hurting. You are SO LOVED! HE wants you to know that!

A reader says ... I would like to thank all  the women for their comments, I too am a women who have taken a lots from a cheating husband in whom I love very much, to God be the glory for those of us who are praying for others and our selves, I know if we  be strong God answers prayers if we faint not. keep the faith, and give the devil the victory. We made a Vow until death do we apart. Neva

A reader says ... a wonderful article and pls. continue, it helps women like us

A reader says ... We are treated this way because we allow it. I know. I have found massage ads clipped out in my husbands brief case. Cell phone records show dating/matching services, porno on his computer. I won't get into detail, all you women know the drill...sums up to the same equation...he cheats.

Right now I am just accepting that fact.. not lying to myself. I am making sure that I am financially stable. I am making sure I document all my evidence. This has to end. When men cheat on us, that is degrading, disrespectful. By doing this they decrease our value. Aren't you valuable? YES YOU ARE. You and I deserve better. Maybe we will be without a man for awhile but think about it..It will only give us time to heal, and be a better person. When are make that change, we attract what we mirror. It's hard .. Believe me, it hurts me too. But we only have one life ... do you believe God wants us to be miserable like this? No he doesn't. We all expect our man to change, we are all waiting for that..It's not going to happen. The change starts with us, within our selves. Learn to love yourself..and know that you are valuable and have much to offer.

I will be turning 40 next month.. I don't want to be here 10-20 years from now and still be in the same boat. Ask God to give you the strength, Put all your energy to you...eat right.,,take care of yourself.

Figure out your finances. There are nice men out there. Not all cheat.
I am taking my own advice and putting my energy to me. I want someone to love too. And if thats what I want, I have to stop this depression.
The change starts with us and god at our side. He gives me strength. I tell him lead the way,, give me the strength. If we don't let go of these men, the cycle continues ... we will always be treated like that,, because our men know they can get away with it. thats why. Ladies, you are all beautiful, god wants you to have a partner...let go of this cheater,,, clear your head, your heart, your mind,,, God will lead the way.

God bless...i walk in your shoes,, but I am choosing to follow my yellow brick road. It's up to you.

Marie

cindyramirez405@hotmail.com

A reader says ... Hi People, Your stories sadden and discourage me. My partner of 3 years has been cheating. He has only admitted to one affair, it was a prostitute, but now I know there are SEVERAL more. One includes a hooker who lives right next door!!  All are prostitutes or one night stands. Some of the prostitutes call his cell phone to solicit business for themselves, and others borrow money from him. I figure he does this to keep them comming back. He is so insecure, he constantly needs reassurance about his appearance and age. He is 48 and is not in the least bit attractive, however he has to be told his private parts are nice all the time, how WEIRD is that? He seems like a FREAK I did not know I was living with. He deny's everything...even the newspaper clipping he cut out for adult massage in ladies homes was my fault, something "i must have wanted, because I had phnemonia and asked for a percussion massage from him" to loosen up the mucous. I am sick of this. I depend on him financially, but would not die without him, nor starve. I have a young child, and I just want him to admit it, so when I get my revenge, it will be so worth it all. If this is a christian site, then I do believe the bible does say that "hell hath no fury for a woman scorned". This man has lied to me, humiliated me, subjected me to diseases and continues to do so. So, the bible must be right then. I am not terribly beautiful, I am not exactly young, I am 42. I refuse to lose my confidence over his problems. I refuse to relinquish my power with-in to become some insecure begging girl to have a person like this in my life. What I will accomadate is revenge. How do I prove it on confrontation? Once proven in black and white to HIM, he is done, finished and outta my life! I will recover and I will not comprimise my body or soul. I will rack up his credit cards though. Money is only temporal, but hey... so is sex.

Feel free to email me at lpw2mutch@aol.com

Lulu

A reader says ... From the bottom of my heart I do understand the frustration surrounding leaving a cheating, lying, and abusive man.  There does however come a point where the pain becomes too strong, the burden too heavy.  When this happens you will find the strength to leave.  Why or how you ask? Because there will simply be no alternative! Staying means dying, compromising, and loosing.  In this life we as women of God must fight for our RIGHT to LIVE! Life is God's gift to us.  How dear any human through abuse and dominance serve to take this away from us.  When we struggle between two opinions (should I leave? should I stay?) we forfeit God wonderful gift of faith and hope that tommorow will bring a better day full of new beginings.  Trust me ladies, I know it is difficult to break free, but I promise you as each day goes by it continues to get easier.  You can explore who you are and what God's ideal plan is for your life and you can embrace his love and affection which is so REAL.  "Weeping my endure for a night but JOY comes in the morning"! Seek after God's true love and happiness for it is the only love that is unconditional.

Naomi

A reader says ... Oh you women have given me strength with your stories.  My husband was caught having an affair with a women for three months while I was pregnant.  Then once the baby was born he left me.  He ended up coming back and has been back for about six months and we've been doing great.  The only problem is that he lies to me all the time and he's obsessed with pornography.  I don't know what to do with him because I have a six month old and an 18 month old but I am hanging in there like you all are.  God bless you!!

A reader says ... I've been searching every web site because I'm desperate to hear I'm not alone. On November 19th and 20th of this last year my husband to be cheated on me after 5 years. He said it was the first time, but it was one too many. I didn't leave him and although I've always been fairly self confident and sure of myself, I now feel like an idiot because we live in a small town, the town I was born, raised, and planned to die in, knows he cheated. It was with a girl at work (my mom works there too!) and thank God she doesn't work there anymore. I punish myself everyday and I punish him everyday. I can't get over it! When I close my eyes I can see him with her, holding her, hearing him lie to me as he walked out the door that night. Oh God, how do I get through this? We have a 4 and 5 year old and he's a good daddy. Some of you women are so strong, but I feel weak and defeated. Am I not pretty enough, smart enough... the list goes on. How do you all get through? How do you forget, and if not forget, how on earth do you make the pain go away? Is there any way without leaving him? He just.. doesn't get it! He says he knos he does something wrong but can't understand why I can't "get over it already". What do I do? I'm so sorry this happened to you, it's a sick, lonely feeling, but now at least I don't feel all alone anymore. Let me know if you have any advise I don't tell myself a million times a day. sarahn1978@yahoo.com

A reader says ... I have been with my husband since 1989,but married since 2003.He cheated on me the WHOLE time.Now that we are married,he says he has not cheated on me physically since we got married. But,there TOO many sighns that say he has. Anyway, He says he don't know why anymore why. The whole time he was, he blamed me in certain ways. Said he was trying to run me off. Then he said he was testing me,to see if I would leave him like everyone else did. To see how much I can take. He was also stuck-on an ex BIGTIME. I have alot of reasons why I stayed. Now,we belive we were meant to be together cause of the way we got married. It is a long interesting story.I will put it out here. And,if anyone wants to contact me,for whatever reason,my e-mail is; good_country_loving@yahoo.com           God bless, MARIA H.

A reader says ... Dear Jules,I am happy to see that you are trying to hang in there with your husban,you must take care of yourself and your health,and pray to God to help you.This man will pay for his sins someday when he see's God.Today in our country there are to many divorce's and than the women go and shack up with other men with there children,the children today are very unhappy and sad,and because of there parents will have many problems.He must not hit you,you must seek help there.There is no reason why you should accept the hitting.I will pray for you and your marrage.GOD IS WATCHING YOU AND WILL HELP YOU.GOD BLESS YOU AND HELP HIM.Jerice.

A reader says ... I have read your story. I must tell you that I am in the same situation, my husband, 20 years older,who I loved and charised,and deidcated my life to has been cheating on me. I just found out 3 months ago, and I found he has been doing it throuhout our 23 years of marriage. i know how you feel, and i to have just gone back to school to better my life. I also cannot afford to be on my own, I have a severe back problem,therefore I am limited to activies,its very hard for me to work at this time.So I am trying to get a degree as an advice nurse,this is a job that will allow me to work and make enough to support myself, May God allow me to achieve this. I have been spying on him myself, and found that he picks up hookers ,and has even dhad sex in the car that I bought for him. He also frequents to girls,I think that he even supports them. One is a 17 year old I think a run away and has no family, he goes to her and gives her money and has sex with her. The first btime that I found out..I followed him after he got off from work and about 5 blocks from our apt. he went to a bar tthat I also found he frequents, and picked up a hooker,he is her regular customer and I was devistated when i saw this,and I even saw them having sex in the back of the van. He always wanted caravan, so I bought him one and now I understand why he wanted a van..to have sex in the back.I was sitting in the back seat one day and it was cold,I had a hot coffee and this steamed the windows,well I looked at the door window and saw hand marks with long nails indented on the window ,I was shocked and as i observed. He had all the typical cheating patterns that prompted me to spy.Taking frequent showers, not wanting to be with me, day dreaming, coming home late, getting off from work early so he could go get a hooker and thinking I think he's working.I ca tell you so many other stories that I saw when I follow him, just the other day I was on my way to college to take a final ,on friday muorning,and I have been taping him, well i listened to the tape as I was driving,welll I heard him stop get out of the van,then two door slams and low and behold it was the 17 year old,I now know her voice, he asks her if he can grt a room, she says I dont care now that I have you,and he tells her how much he wants too f her. I was sick, i think I failed my final after I worked so  hard all semester. Well when I get home I asked him what he did on thurs., hr asks why and I already have told him about a month ago that i have a private investigator watching him..I told him that the investigator stopped me on my way to college and tol me that he picked her up and went to a hotel for 2 hours.What does he do..he gets up and boxed me in the face, the first time he ever hit me, i passed out and he left me on the floor, i woke up about 5 min.later and drove myself to the ER. Well I have a mild concusion, a black swallen eye,and punctured ear drumm. I tell the police that I do not want to press charges that I needed to think about it.Three days prior he put his hand on the quran and swore on his mother and god that he never cheated and never will.I am in shock still,I have no family in my state,and i cannot tell them about this I feel to low.I do not believe in divorce, i always wanted children but he did not want to.Now when I sit next to him i feel that he is a different person, i have bad energy,and I still do not have the strength to leave,I do no know what to do I am alive but feel that everyday I wake up with a terminal illness and there is no cure , no future.I will pray for us both and hope to understand this,why does he do this to me.best of luck t you and be strong and keep your eyes open , do not fall for any promises, if he promices not to cheat follow him to confirm if he really means it, because they are liars.

jules

A reader says ... I think that you are a strong woman. You have taken a lot of junk from him. But you did make a committment to always be with him, and for that I paise you, because you have not left yet. On other hand, I still believe that you should not get a divorce, because that is a sin. But hang in there, and only God can show you the way.

A reader says ... It is a good thing that you are going back to school.  Get yourself a degree so that you can stand up alone and support yourself and your son.  Your son is your unconditional love.  My husband cheated on me a year a go, and I have not healed yet.  I went a long distance to forgive him, but I will never forget.  I have a B.A degree; I can support myself, but I decided to stay with him because of my two children.  He said it was a mistake, and he has done a lot to make it up to me, but I did not trust him again.  I am seeking professional help.  However, sometimes one cannot fix something that's already broken.  I can't imagine all the emotional abuses you have to put up with.  How could you still live with your husband when he cheated on you numerous times?  I pray for you and your husband that he will change.  You might want to seek professional help together.  God bless you and your family.

A reader says ... I think the fact that he has done it repeatedly and you have loved him anyways has sent the wrong message.  Love amongst men is NOT unconditional....only god's love and the love we have for our children is that way.  Many times people confuse this.  If someone tortures you - it is right to not hate them and try to embrace them with love as god says in the bible - however...it says no where that you have to stick around and continue to be tortured in this was.

Your son will grow up confused and angry - and the example you are setting for him is one of - that you have to accept and put up with whatever your behaviour your spouse inflicts on you.  If your husband beat you instead of cheated would you continue to stay?  Although the bruises of infidelity are not outwardly apparent they are there - and there is no reason that god would ever want you to continue to allow yourself to be submitted to this.  God loves you.