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how do i save my marriage?
Hi,
I have been married for five years, and involved with my spouse for almost ten. She has filed for legal separation, and says she feels smothered, and no longer has intimate feelings for me. She says reconciliation may be possible, but she needs space to decide. We have an eight-year-old son that we are both very close to, and I know this will be very hard for him. I am willing to whatever it takes to reconcile, and will devote myself completely to it. How do I give her space, and still let her know that I love her and want to save our marriage more than anything?
Editors Note:
I would recommend that you see if your wife would be willing to read with you the book “His Needs Her Needs”. This book will help you both understand each other and it may help her feel like you have learned enough about meeting her needs that she wants to stay with you and not separate.
The second book I would recommend is “Love Must Be Tough” by Dr. James Dobson. This book will give you an idea of how you might act with your wife assuming she wants to go ahead and separate. It is a very good book and will help you understand her and understand yourself. Basically the book will tell you that in order to give her space you need to act self confident and self reliant. If she feels you may not need her she may be more inclined to need and want you. You need to be nice to her but she needs to know that you love her and want her to stay, but that if she does leave, life will go on and you will learn to be happy without her. That you can be happy and enjoy life independent of her.
What I mean, and what I believe Dr. Dobson tries to get across in his book, is that people want to be married to a happy person. And if you don't show happiness living with her – that may be driving her away. So first show her that you are happy living with her. Then once you have done that for a while, then if she still wants to leave, then explain to her that you would be sad if she leaves you and divorces you, that you would get over it and be happy with someone else or alone.
If you are not both Christians I would encourage you to seek God's help. God promises to reward those that diligently seek Him. A good start would be to visit this link http://www.billygraham.org/believe/stepsToPeace.asp and ask God to forgive you for your sins and take your life and make it all that God wants it to be.
I would also encourage you to attend a church that believes and teaches from the Bible.
May God bless you as you seek His will in your life.
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