Marriage gone bad need advice

My wife of six years left about three months ago. When we argued our relationship was verbally abusive. I have tried almost everything to convince her to come home. I have read the books “His Needs, Her Needs”, “The Purpose Driven Life”, and various others. I don't know what else I can do to show my wife that I have changed and she will not regret coming home.  I have also attended anger management classes as well as marital counseling. My wife said she would do the same, however, she is now pushing for divorce and does not feel like it's worth saving our marriage. We have two great kids and I value the commitment I made to her before God when we exchanged our wedding vows.

She feels like she is only married to me now through a piece of paper and does not see how important it is to have our family together. I don't know what I can do to show her she is making a mistake. She says she has no love for me anymore. I feel like love is a choice and she can chose to turn that love on or off, marriage is a covenant for life and I know I can make her fall in love with me all over again if given that chance. I have never believed in divorce and I am having a very hard time accepting it. I pray that God works a miracle to restore our marriage. I truly believe Christ died for our sins what I don't understand is why God allows divorce to happen if he hates it so much. Why does he bring people together and allow them to be torn apart?

My marriage is the most important thing to me in my life and I don't know how I can prevent a divorce from happening. I pray day in and out for God to help me and get rid of any daemons that are preventing my wife from opening up her heart. Sometimes I wish God would take me with him so that I never witness a divorce just so I can hold true to my vows till death do us apart and I know that is the wrong approach. I honestly don't know what else to ask for. I only ask Jesus Christ to please intervene and save us (my family) all from divorce and that God give me second chance of happiness with the one person in my life that I truly love. I invite anyone else who reads this that a prayer be said to restore my family. I will continue to pray and hope that God works a miracle in my life. If there is only one miracle we can have in our lifetime then I wish and pray that this be the one.

Thanks,
Almost divorced and worried

Comments From Readers

A reader says ... How many times of praying and chances do you give. How many arguments and stabs in the back must one endure? till your so miserable, till you want to die? How many arguments are too many? How many hard questions from young ears forced to grow up faster? yes, love is a precious gift from God, it is a give and take. but when you are taken advantage of, disrespected and disreguarded at every single cross road, does god want you to stay miserable. YES a vow was made till death do you part, so was CHERISH, LOVE, HONOR and OBEY. I never believed in divorce, its a failure. It's painful, beyond words. But so is arguing, being hurt, and forced to forgive the one you love day after day by the one you love!.... It's painful to fight with no resolve and nothing is more painful than a knife in the back from someone you are trying to CHERISH, LOVE, HONOR and OBEY.

Give your wife space and understanding before it is to late, notice when you point the finger you have three more pointing back at you. and most of all, turn to god for support.. support for you. it will be easier , and you never know your wife maybe waiting at the other end of the spectrum for you. NOT if you continue forcing what YOU want so YOU will be happy, and not your wife or kids. There is a fine line between turning to god for guidance and for your own selfish needs...be wise enough to know the difference and not get tripped by an emotional vortex.


A reader says ... This is the exact thing that my husband and I are going through. We have been married 12 years and spent our 12th anniversary apart. I don't want to be without my family through the holidays much less a 13th year. I did try to take my life and I can say with certain that it was the worst mistake I have ever made in concerns with my family. I have been learning patience and with that some peace and calmness is helping me to prevent the screaming and yelling. He says he doesn't want to fight anymore and neither do I and I can't get him to understand that he could be " In Love with Me Again" if given time and a chance. I know he still loves me.....

Scared in MO

A reader says ... how do you stay in a marriage, when the person is  emotinally abusive  to you, dosen't even accept you for what you are, and is constantly trying to make me live his life, and if you don't , its a battle. Light hearted converstation, turns into a argument,  treats me with disrespect, yell at me, belittles me in front of the children. Alot of anger in this house hold, what am I suppose to do?

A reader says ... I'm going through the same issues and problems. If fact, it sounds like I wrote your story. I will pray for you and your family.  Please pray for mine.

A reader says ... You are right, love is a choice and if she will honor God and stick with her wedding vows, God will honor her and bring the feelings of love back again.  I pray she will have a change of heart and decide to be committed to God and her family and you.  80 percent of those that get divorced and remarried wish they had stayed married the first time.  She will regret getting divorced later in her life.  So for her sake and for your sake and hers and your kids sake I pray she will stay married.

I hope many others will be praying for her and that God will touch her heart.  There are many women that wish they had a good husband who loves God and loves them like you love your wife.  It takes two to argue and usually both the husband and wife are partly guilty in a family where there is much arguing.  But if either one will give up the bitterness and forgive the other one and begin loving them unconditionally the way God wants us to, it can change the home atmosphere to a peaceful loving atmosphere in a short period of time.  And as the couple focuses on solving the problems that cause them to be irritable with each other they can end up very happy together.