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How to vent frustration to your spouse
I learned from a parenting book how to communicate and venting effectively to your children without wounding their spirits without being judgmental and critical. I also tried it on my husband and it is working effectively.
The key is to say something positive first to make them feel important and then give constructive criticism or advice.
Things not to say and to say"
Don't say, "Can't you see I'm busy?!" Say "I appreciate that you want to talk to me and want to spend time with me, however, I am busy right now. I can talk to you later, O.k.?"
Don't say, "You forgot my birthday" Say, "I appreciate the things you do, it makes me feel loved. Will you please try to remember my birthday? Would it help if I remind you with a surprise note in your lunch box? I love it when you do things for me. xoxo"
Don' say, "You didn't do this right". Say "I am so happy that you made dinner for the kids. I appreciate you for giving me a break. There is something else that I would like, will you please clean up too next time?"
Don't say, "don't snap at the kids!" Say, "Honey, I appreciate you disciplining the kids and wanting to be a good father to them, however, I noticed when the kids were noisy, and you said, "stop it!" the kid's feelings got hurt. May I make a suggestion so the kids can feel better about themselves when you correct them?"
Don't say, "I don't like it when you come home from work and vent on me irrationally!" Say: "Honey, I appreciate you as a man that you want to tell me your feelings, I love it when we have open communication, however, when you say you want to quit or kill somebody, I feel threatened and scared because I take you literally. Will you please say it differently so I can feel secured and that you will solve this more maturely? Would you like a bath right now to calm you down and then we can talk later?"
Don’t say, "Why don't you touch me after we make love?" Say, "I love it when you make love to me, my body feels warm from your heat, I would love it and feel more complete if you touch me after you make love to me."
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