The hidden Massage

For the past fifteen years I've built my love for my wife so much that maybe it's destroyed us. I'm not a jealous man but when she asked to get a professional massage, I agreed but only by a woman. We met this lady named Cindy and my wife was satisfied with her massage. In the year of 2000 Cindy took a leave from work due to pregnancy. On a day late in 2000 I finished work early and went home. As I walked in my house, my wife's eyes had a worried look, and I asked if everything was ok. She said she had a massager coming to the house. When the massager knocked at the door, I answered and to my surprise it was a man.

Out of respect I let the massage happen back in my bedroom for 1 hour with the door closed. I sat in the garage during this time with a sick feeling. When the massage was over I talked and did some crying explaining my feeling for her and having another man touch her. She cried too after knowing how I felt. She said she didn't realize how much it meant to me and promised it wouldn't happen again. I wasn't too intimidated by this massager due to being about 20 years older then us.  

My wife and I own a small moving company, and were on our way to a job September 13th, 2003.  I asked her on the way, whom are we moving today? She replied were moving Kevin, he's a massager at DR. Syl's office.  I replied, so how many times has he massaged you, half joking. Her answer on that day, without knowing, would end us.  She said he had massaged her once back in July of 2002.  We fought for two days over one massage. I fought for our trust and loyalty, she fought saying it was for her health.

This happened September. 13, 2003 and it is now February.9th, 2004.   Five months after I was told one time; it's turned into something so big she has moved out. She has over 20 massages by this massager in a period of about 2 years.  Plus he wasn't the only male to massage her at this place.  

When I start looking at bills and phone numbers I find his cell phone was called about 6 times, twice close to 10:00 pm, she has gaps in time on her cell phone looking like it was turned off or just didn't answer.  She has all the signs of having an affair, change in the way she dresses, pays less attention to me, and our job and seems to always be gone.

The massager, on that day we moved him, was really nervous about something, he didn't say anything to me except hi and bye. And my wife continues to act like it was no big deal and refuses to answer any questions without getting defensive.  It's been five months and alot of hurt and pain trying to accept the way she has acted.  

Comments From Readers

A reader says ... A male massage therapist is no threat to a marriage.  Ever consider that had you gone with her and were present, even if the massage took a sensual turn, it could add spice and excitement to an already great marriage?  Jealousy is far worse and unhealthy trait.  Think of this as an opportunity to take the physical part of your marriage to a whole other level.  I for one find it extrememy exciting to watch my wife get a massage.  Our intimate moments after it's over with are simply fantastic.  In our case, it's taken a very good marriage to an even better level.

A reader says ... I have taken my wife to several male massage therapists.  She likes a deep tissue massage and most women are not strong enough to rub her the way she wants.  I have been present when she received her massages and she is always nude.  She gets a full body massage each time.  She has very dry skin and the oils they use help to keep her skin from craking or flaking.  She will be covered only by a small towel over her butocks and goin.  She is very comfortable when I am there and does not go without me.  I am not one bit jealous, even when her breasts are being massaged.  They are professionals and do this for health and not sexual reasons.  I realize that not everyone will feel this way, but it is not a cheating issue especially if you are there to make sure she is not harmed.

A reader says ... My wife was getting massages from masseurs when I met her, and she never hid the fact.   I don't view her need to get an ocassional massage as a threat to our great relationship.  Don't confuse love with possessiveness and jealousy.   We've been in love and have been best friends for 41 years.   No masseur is a challenge to a super marriage.   Does she go nude?  Always.   Do I care?  Nope.   People often fear what they don't understand.  I understand my wife.   She and I are always supportive of whatever the other is doing in life.    

A reader says ... My wife has told me she wants a massage many times. The thought of another person (woman or man) touching my wife makes me ill. I am perfectly capable of giving my wife a massage. She sees nothing wrong with it and thinks I am crazy and the only person in the world that feels this way. I am sooooo glad to see I am not the only one. In reply to a response here quote "My husband completely trusts me. I don't give him any reason not to. A massage therapist is a "profession" Did you ever think of that??" and "But, if my husband was that way with me, it would drive me crazy-- maybe just drive me right into another man's arms...." First of all "Trust" has nothing to do with it, I trust my wife completely and I am positive she would not cheat on me. It doesn't matter if this person is a "Professional" the point is someone else would be pleasuring my wife through physical contact and I can't stand the thought of that. That is MY job not a "Professional's" Second, If you would leave your husband because he doesn't want you to get "Touched" by "Professional's" then something is seriously wrong there to begin with. I see massage as a form of sensual behavior, even a form of foreplay. I love to massage my wife and offer to do it all the time. If wife is driven into another man's arms because I refuse to let het get a massage then I don't see where we are meant for each other in the first place. I don't see how anyone can go outside of their own marriage for physical forms of pleasure. It is disgusting to me to think that the world has come to an age of acceptance of such things.

A reader says ... me too i had the same experience, my wife went to a massage center for some pains,and there the man told her that for the same money he can give her full body massage. first she told me he massaged only arms and back,then one night she told me she was there without breast and with gstring only,and he massaged also her breast and her buttom.she went there 7 times. first i wanted to divorce,then i forgave her

A reader says ... I am a minister, but I am a man first. The real issue here is the trust between you and your wife. If she told you that the first massage by a man would be the only one, then she lied. The massages by a man are not the issue now, it is what you agreed on together and how she betrayed your trust. However, you still must forgive and restore. You two need to sincerely pray and seek God to resolve this issue.

A reader says ... because it happened once before, the second time now deals with more then just a massage. You now have to look at how much love your wife has for you. This is about the husbands feelings and how he handles something like another man (men are men ) touching his wife. the body is very sentsative to other human touch. Couldn't his wife find another female to give this massage?, and keep the chance of again hurting the one ( I HOPE ) SHE LOVES? We are to do for others, doing for yourself first is wrong. if you take a chance with "BAD" then "BAD" will come.

A reader says ... I don't think you should worry about the male massage thing. I am a Christian and am training on a massage course and massage is NOT the same as sexual touch. I have massaged men as part of my training and my husband doesn't mind. Nor would he mind if I was massaged by one of the male students on my course. The only thing to be concerned about is that you *agreed* that she would only get massaged by a woman and she lied to you. That is the issue here not the massage itsel and that's what you need to talk about. Hope this helps

A reader says ... Did you have any reason to not trust her in the first place? Maybe now, but, in the beginning? My husband completely trusts me. I don't give him any reason not to. A massage therapist is a "profession" Did you ever think of that?? Just like a doctor is a "profession"!! My OBGYN was a MALE and he had to work with a lot more intimate areas of a womans body than a massage therapist!! My husband wouldn't have even thought twice about it. I'm not trying to say that maybe YOU didn't have reason to be like that, because I do not know you or your wife. But, if my husband was that way with me, it would drive me crazy-- maybe just drive me right into another man's arms....

A reader says ... I understand why you would be jealous! And you have every reason to be. My husband wouldn't let me get a massage from a man, and I would not want one! It might not seem like a big deal to some people, but thats whats wrong with this world. When did it become ok for anyone but your husband or a doctor see you naked or even touch you???

A reader says ... I used to be jealous when my husband got massages. So he just started lying about it. Then I decided to go with him.(if you can't beat em, join em) I of course had a woman do mine just because I was more comfortable with that. My huband always gets massages from women because he's homophobic. Sometimes you have to comprimise. Also,offer your spouse massages from yourself sometimes. Not just a chincy shoulder rub but a real good one. There are books on how to give a massage. It can be a romantic & loving jesture from a spouse.

A reader says ... I know how you feel if a male therapist is touching her! Well it happened to me once when my fiancé (so to get married) called a male massager to massage her full body in a hotel. When I found out and seen with my own eye's I cancelled the plans for the marriage. I broke up with her. I did this cause I don't like any men to touch her. Women who like a male massager are women of no dignity.