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What do I do?
I am 21 years old and a soldier in the US Army. My dream has always been to become a Police Officer and in one year when I leave the military. I will be working for a Police Department. My problem is my wife who is 20 years old, has no direction in her life and she does not want me to pursue my dream. She is a high school drop out and on numerous occasions I have tried to help her get her diploma or a GED. She does not want to.
She is working at a fast food restaurant and makes minimum wage. Every time I try to get her to think about where she wants to go in life as far as a career, it just ends up in an argument. She always thinks I'm degrading her, and that I am just ashamed of her. I love her very much and in a way I am ashamed because she has no dreams. And now she is trying to keep me from mine saying if I don't stay in the military we will not make it as civilians.
She believes that I should be able to support the family by myself. I know that is what the bible says but I'm sorry it's the 21st century and that is almost impossible. So my questions are what do I do, do I stay in the military making a little more then I would start out with as a police officer or do I pursue my dreams as a police officer and do what most other Americans who have never been in the military have done and work to the top.
Also how can I get her to want to better herself or is that just a lost cause.
Sincerely,
SGT JOE
Editors Note:
Dear Sgt Joe,
Thank you for requesting advice. I hope other members and visitors will submit their advice to you too. I'm not an expert by any means. I would say that you have very good ambitions and it seems you love your wife very much. It seems like maybe it is fear that is keeping your wife from encouraging you in your career.
Did you know the bible does not say that the husband should support the family by himself? It does say that anyone who does not support his or her family is worse than a non-believer. But there is no reason to believe that the verse is only talking to men. It is a general statement that people should support their families – including their extended families (elderly parents).
The model wife, the Proverbs 31 mother, was also a worker who while taking care of her home and children also was making money.
The truth is that most mothers who have children would prefer to stay at home with their children and most fathers agree and see how this can benefit the family. When your wife has time to spend with your children and time to attend to the needs of her family and you, her husband, the family benefits. But there is not a hard and fast rule laid out in the bible about this.
The bible does say the husband is the head of the family and that his wife should allow him to lead. A good husband will not lord over his wife but will make her to feel equal to him or more important to him in importance. While a good wife will allow her husband to lead and trust his decisions after they have discussed things together. While a good husband will not make important decisions without agreement from his wife. And a good husband will delegate responsibility to his wife and support her in her decisions in areas that she is managing such as the home and children.
It seems like you both may be Christians. Here is what you might do. Sit down and each write down your ambitions and goals in life. Include in your goals how each of you plan to serve God in your life. Think about how you can serve God with your life as a team and with your eventual family.
This will help you understand your wife's goals in life and it will help her understand your own goals in life.
Our purpose here on earth is to glorify God and serve him by telling others about Jesus and by helping others spiritually, emotionally and physically.
If your wife's goal is to stop working and be at home with the kids, see if you can find a way to live and raise your kids on your income alone. How would staying in the military support your family better than being a Police Officer? Does the military pay better?
Your wife should want to help you fulfill your goals. And your goals should be based on how you can serve God the best as a person and husband and eventually a father.
I pray that God will give you both wisdom. Remember, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.” So pursue God's will in your life first, which includes keeping peace with your wife and trust God to help her change when the time is right and God will bless you for being a peacemaker.
It's sad that more married women do not see that one of their primary responsibilities in life is to help and support their husband in his career and ambitions in life. It's sad that they don't realize that if they would do this, God would bless them by giving them a very happy and fulfilled husband that would cause them to also feel fulfilled and happy.
They say, “Behind every great man is a great woman.” And the opposite may be true. If a husband has a wife that is antagonistic and always fighting against his career and ambitions in life, the chances of him being successful are slim to none.
I pray that God will help you to understand your wife and her desires and help her to understand your desires. I pray that both of your desires will be to glorify and serve God with your lives. You have a bright future ahead of you and I pray God will give you both lot's of happiness as you serve Him together during this exciting adventure together.
May God bless you both and help you have wisdom!
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