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WALKING BETWEEN THE RAINDROPS
Lord I am thankful- for the gift of pain. Lord, this is your son Michael Debriae Stacey. I would like to thank you for the gift you have given me. The gift of pain! A real feeling that is mental, spiritual, and physical. You don't need to have faith to feel it. You need to have faith to know that it is a gift that we have been given for a reason. "Without the presence of pain what is your motivation for change"?
I feel I have been "walking between the rain drops".. My entire life. Does that mean that I had been given a silver spoon from birth? Absolutely not! I mean that I have been lying, deceiving, witty, cleaver, and very lucky. Lucky ????????? Some might see it this way. If I was truly lucky, I would have realized what I am telling you today. I would have been kicked in the teeth a long, long time ago. You see I repressed my pain, anger, and fears and just- "walked between the rain drop" from childhood and continued through my 20's until I met an incredible woman. Babydoll (I didn't want to expose her name without permission so I am using the name I call her).
My babydoll is the most admirable, intelligent, strong, beautiful, funny, caring, honorable person I have known in my life. She is the first woman that I feel knew herself enough and cares enough about me selflessly to challenge me to a flash flood. I failed and failed and continued to fail and then blamed my failure on her, my father, my situation (past or present), again another failure. I was caught in a storm filled with big black ominous clouds that I could not outrun and had to face. Not only did I not miss the raindrops this time but, I drown in years of raindrops I now wish I would not have walked between.
You see, don't avoid the little rain. Accept it and deal with it each season. This will be a big help in the long run to you and the ones that you love and that love you. The pain in our lives is a sign that something in your life needs to change. If you choose to recognize it and have the courage to deal with the pain at that exact time in your life you will avoid the storm that I speak of. The pain in our lives is a gift from God that should be appreciated as such. If you do not recognize it and appreciate it you will, when you're pain or your babydoll's pain is sooo very REAL! I dare to say that I thank God babydoll has left me forever. That one person I wanted most in my life has left me forever FOREVER!
The feeling of forever without my babydoll in my life is ripping my heart from my very soul. Tortured is my mind, and soul. However, because I have faith in the Lords purpose for my life. Maybe my words you're reading are helping you. Maybe that is my purpose.
Friend don't worry your not the only one searching for answers. You're not the only one that doesn't understand. You're not the only one struggling to find yourself. I know that deep within my broken soul lies a genuine man of honor, integrity, strength, passion, conviction, and a heart overflowing with love, understanding, and sincere compassion.
Feel the pain and then open your heart and mind to what that pain (the gift God gave you) is telling you to change in your life. You won't want to weather the storm that will soon overcome you. That is unless you are as stubborn as I. Your heart doesn't lie. Listen and look in your heart for the signs of Gods gift of pain. Don't lie to yourself and ignore the pain. The truth is worth the reward that comes with it (true peace of mind. Babydoll once told me that the truth could be liberating. .. She was right. As she usually was. The truth is worth the reward that comes with it.
Michael D. Stacey
04-19-2004
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