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Forgiveness - The Key To A Happy Marriage
Marriages are in trouble when the husband and wife do not forgive each other.
God tells us to forgive each other. God says that if we don't forgive others, He will not forgive us. In the Lord's Prayer we ask God to forgive us to the degree that we forgive others.
With all the Bible teaching on forgiveness, why is it that some Christian married couples will not forgive each other?
Maybe it's because we don't realize the process God has gone through to forgive us.
In the Old Testament, people had to keep all the law.
Then, in the New Testament, Jesus came and died for our sins. Now the Bible teaches, “All things are permissible, but not all things are profitable.”
We now live under Grace, not Law. Because with love, there is no need for the law.
Can you see that in effect, God has lowered his standards for us? God has righteous standards but he loved us so much that he was willing to give up His own son in order to be able to lower his standards and let us into heaven.
Because Jesus died for all our sins, now God can accept us as we are, if we just believe in Him.
God has asked you to lower your standards with your spouse, and give your spouse unconditional love and acceptance.
The reason we have bitterness and can't forgive our spouse, is because we have standards that they don't keep. The solution is to lower our standards.
God says that since He forgave us, we should be willing to forgive others - including our spouse. To do this we must be willing to lower our standard of what we expect from our spouse.
If we will stop expecting things from our spouse and accept them the way they are, and love and appreciate what they offer us, instead of demanding and expecting certain conduct from them, then maybe we would not need to forgive them.
God in effect compromised His righteous standards, and punished His Son, instead of punishing us, for our sin. God now asks us, to compromise our standards, and agree with our spouse on issues, so we don't fight with them.
For there to be a happy marriage, there needs to be mutual respect between the husband and wife. The husband and wife need to agree on things. This involves compromise. That is why the Bible says for the wife to submit to her husband. This is because God knows there needs to be agreement in a marriage, if there is going to be mutual respect for each other.
Compromise is the key to a happy marriage. We are not asking you to compromise with a stranger or criminal. We are asking you to compromise with your spouse, the person you married, the person you said you would stick with, “for better or for worse”.
Lower your standards of what you expect from them and give them unconditional love and be thankful that you have them, and you won't need to forgive them. You will be happy with them, the way they are.
Someone told me how they stay happy in life. They said, “They always think of how they are better off than others.” They said, “There are always other people that are worse off than I am, so I can always be thankful for what I have.”
If you have a spouse, you can be thankful. You can thank God for your spouse. Why ruin your life and their life by being bitter towards them for life?
It is not worth it. Life is short. Give up your pride and begin to love your spouse and just forgive and forget the past and give them a clean slate. But lower your standards so they don't continue to hurt you. Compromise with them so you are both in agreement. You will find that life is really not all that bad when you trust them with your life.
We are not asking you to compromise to the point of allowing your spouse to stay out late at night, or cheat on you, or allow them to spend time with the opposite sex, or doing something illegal that would hurt yourself or someone else. We are asking you to compromise in the little things in life that have irritated you so much in the past.
This way God can begin to help you and your spouse mature. If you take this road of forgiveness and compromise (which is submission), God will bless your marriage and eventually give you the desires of your heart.
As long as your spouse is comitted to you and your marriage, then we believe the key is forgiveness and mutual respect. If they cheat on your or want to live a lifestyle which enables them to have no accountability to you, then we have different advise. In that case we may recommend you separate from them until they change their attitude and become comitted to their marriage.
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