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Forgiveness
My dear wife and I were accustomed to arguing about petty things. We were more annoyed for most of our days than content or otherwise at piece. Seven years of marriage had made us professionals at argument and self-defense. It would be true to say that forgiveness was given sparingly and with little emotion. It was likely because I was the ring-leader of these malcontent ways. If there was a grudge to give, criticism to share, or rude irritation to hand out, I was gladly the fist to give it out. Love, respect, and encouragement through the many thoughtful ways of a considerate husband were not my way. I didn’t send flowers, help with the dishes, clean up after myself, and I didn’t help with the kids much. I did however make time for our sexual experience every other night even if I had to sacrifice some sleep to “meet her needs.” I was the sexually responsible husband and I brought home the paycheck to support the family. I was keeping the sexual desires alive in both of us, so I thought because she certainly wasn’t doing it.
Over the years of my selfish practices I noticed the light in my wife’s eyes go dim and her sexual desire go limp. Sex became ever routine and uninteresting to her, and less frequent. I wondered why she was distant and non-responsive. I challenged her to hold up to her obligation of meeting my sexual desires. She rebelled and our sex became drab. I realized that she endured sex and had little enjoyment. Her idea of a sexual experience was a couple of minutes of foreplay and intercourse. All the sex toys and romantic getaways meant nothing to a woman who deep inside longed for the man I wasn’t. They say that sex begins in the kitchen with dishes, around the yard with the kids. That is not where sex began for me. I had become a selfish taker, bent on sexual gratification. I began to masturbate, relief I called it. After all she wasn’t available due to various reasons. Although this did not satisfy in the long term, it was immediate. In short I wanted only what sexual pleasure could provide. Over the next few months I came to realize this situation, I became sickened with myself. I came to know that change in our marriage was needed and it was needed with me.
Knowing that you need to change because you’re a sexual selfish pig is not a pleasant thing. And knowing your need to change is not the same as knowing the steps to change. The Lord really got my attention one night when I took a look at the man in the mirror. I was a sexual requestor, that is, I wanted everything sexually. If there was a sexual thought in my head then I wanted to live it out in our bed. My dear wife obliged to a point but then gave out.
One night I became frustrated with her denial of my requests. Sick with private masturbation, I asked her for oral sex, something she had never done. She said, “no, that is sick!, don’t be perverted.” I said, “Its not sick its natural.” We went to bed frustrated and quiet, tempers burning. I thought that she just didn’t get it, that she was just plain selfish and cold hearted. Then it hit me, I was the one who was to blame. I was selfish, when had I done what she wanted in terms of cleaning and helping with the kids? I saw that I had created life about me and not allowed life to be created about us serving the Lord. I was the selfish one who needed to change regardless of whether she became sexually enthusiastic or not.
I did change, but first I got on my knees to confess to her that I had been selfish with my time, demands, and efforts at helping her. I asked her forgiveness for not helping her and the kids, for treating her like some object rather than the beautiful and thoughtful woman that she was. I made a plan to change and shared it with her. She cried, and held me. That night our sex began to change. I stopped demanding. She opened up. We began to grow. God changed our hearts from that of a sexual pig and hurt Cinderella maiden. We are one now, with more sex in more ways than you can imagine.
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