Marriage Advice for the bedroom

I know that once you're married and have been married for a while, things in the bedroom tend to be the same. Tends to be routine.

Some wives actually complain that when they are intimate with their husbands, that it's the only time that their husbands show them love, and tell them that they do love them.

My advice for husbands would be to always let your wife know how you feel. If you're a wife and you find yourself in this situation, talk with your husband about how this makes you feel.

   Having a good conversation after sex and just talking also helps the relationship.  About the routine sex, it would be a good idea to explore. I know you've probably heard this so many times before but it actually does work.

I'm currently married and just by following these little pointers have made my marriage so much better. Just try it.

Comments From Readers

A reader says ... Has she been checked for post partum depression?  Depression will KILL your sex drive.

A reader says ... ... I love my wife

A reader says ... As a former "frigid"...Can I just offer another possibility? It sounds like your wife is suffering from insecurity and possibly repression. How was she raised? What were her early sex lessons like? Bad experiences? Women live with a horible double image of "nice girls don't!" and yet in pop culture, women are pretty much reduced to a sexual commodity. It's very confusing to be raised with double standards. There's stuff she's probably not even able to express to you. As a woman, I saw myself in the wife you described. I was willing to tackle the issue because I wasn't happy. My libido dropped to absolute zero when I was feeling insecure--which was most of the time...poor body image, a feeling that I could never measure up to the physical ideal I was sure my partner would rather have. He would get amorous and go to lift my skirt and suddenly my mothers voice would intrude and say something about morals...or remind me that I had "peasant legs" which is something she used to tell me as a teen. Old issues that just crushed the spark. Also my past partner just couldn't give me what I needed. He looked at porn and would obviousy stare at other women. To him this was okay-- to me it felt like he wasn't happy with reality. While these things are minor to some happy couples, it simply doesn't work for others. A lot of my insecurity was just in my head--but it would get triggered by things like the porn. We just weren't a good match. When you're struggling for confidence and battling self worth problems as so many women are thanks to pop culture and dubious parenting, you're simply not going to WANT sex. It's almost like the only power you have is to avoid any situation that makes you feel that way and somehow you feel like you have SOME control if you just avoid-- or even DENY-- sex. Emotional issues need to be addressed first. Perhaps it's time to see a therapist. Also, since confidence is such a big problem for so many women, I wonder why the pharmaceutical industry isn't working on companion drugs that might be able to aid in this for women who find it difficult to enjoy sex? They keep coming out with male enhancement drugs only! If men want better sex, lobby the industry to help the women in their lives. Most women want to have a great sex life and will be willing to find solutions. We need to look at underlying causes (the insecurity, why we feel so much stress and pressure to be perfect, past experiences that might have damaged us sexually) as well as providing drug options to help libido! For me, I only got better after I ended my relationship, recognized that I was hypersensitive about body image and why, and found a man who understood those things-- and loved me anyway. Amazing what can I happen. I am now married to that man we have a great and fulfilling sex life and I am now a convert! In fact, when you feel free and loved, you can get quite experimental and a bit naughty too! Best of luck. It's not an easy problem and will require a shocking amount of honesty from your wife and love from you. I hope you find what you need.

A reader says ... I love my wife. My wife and I recently celebrated three years. In all that time I doubt we have been intimate more than ten times. I have tried so many different things trying to be romantic, and she tells me how wonderful they all are, but not one of them lights her fire. Her favorite excuse is that she is tired. Since I first heard her say that I have gone very far out of my way to lighten her burden of household chores, to the point that I now do more housework than she does. But it has made no difference in the bedroom. All of the friends she brings into the relationship are old enough, or older, to be our parents; and she is constantly telling me that our lack of sex is normal, that none of her friends have sex more than once or twice a year. The friends I bring into the relationship are our age, half the men in that group are married, and they tell me two or three times a week is normal for them. What is wrong with our marriage? Where I work I often see the consequences of people who have affairs, many of them say the main reason they did it was because they were not getting "any" at home. I am beginning to think the main reason married persons have affairs, or get divorces, is because one of the spouses refuses to perform in the bedroom. When we are in public she is jealous of women who give me a look, smile, etc., she sometimes even makes rude comments about them after they have passed, but is very reluctant to admit she does it. I feel like a trophy husband that she displays proudly to her friends, family, and ladies at church, but refuses to treat like a husband at home. Can anyone help?

A reader says ... I agree with the reader that says marriage is not all about sex, but sex is important. Every couple should read His Needs Her Needs. In the book we learn that each person in the marriage has diff. needs. The needs between the husband and wife are often diff. You learn that in order to get your own needs fulfilled you have to fulfill the needs of your spouse. A lot of time the husband needs sex more than the wife and the wife needs affection. You the husband in this case deserve to have your need for sex fulfilled, but also make sure you are showing your wife affection and that you are helping out with the family.

A reader says ... My wife and I have been married for over two years now and things have not been the same since our honeymoon.  We came back from our honeymoon expecting, and our finances have been in shambles ever since that time.  I'd like to believe that my wife is not a selfish person, and she cares about my needs, but she has not initiated sex even once since our daughter was born.  Every time we do share intimacy, I feel like I'm forcing her to do something she doesn't want to do.  It's a very hard situation.  I was addicted to pornography for a long time, and I've recently been delivered of that problem by the power of God.  I just want to be able to share a romantic moment like we shared on the honeymoon.  I feel like she would rather alone than be with me.  I don't know what to do.  Help!  Can anyone give me advice?

A reader says ... Marriage is not all about sex!