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under control
I learned some tough lessons through a certain relationship and thereby developed some convictions that you may or may not want to share upon reading them, but I submit them for your reflection.
She was attractive and interesting. We met through unusual circumstances and hit it off immediately; before too long I was thinking that maybe this meant that God had brought us together. First we were friends for a good while, and we talked a lot. Some serious things were shared, and it brought us closer. We developed a pretty strong emotional bond. Then finally one day I kissed her. After what had been built up between us, physical affection was fairly powerful. It became a regular part of our time together, and it became very sensuous. Then physical touch crossed lines it never should have, lines I'd never crossed or even come close to crossing before. She had sexual experience in her past that I didn't have and had tasted the power of it; I think this made it much easier for our trouble to happen. There was excitement, yes, but it was wrong, simply wrong. I'm extremely thankful that complete disaster was avoided, though it wasn't by much.
I came away from that relationship (for it should not have continued) with several lessons and convictions. 1) Just because something unusual happens that I like (such as meeting her), it doesn't mean it is God's will for me. I need to be more discerning. 2) I am not going to pursue a relationship with a woman when there is any spiritual problem. For unrelated reasons I was rather spiritually shaky when this relationship began; that means I was vulnerable to what followed. 3) I need to be very careful at the emotional level with a woman unless and until we are engaged. I did not guard my heart in "emotional purity" (see the writing in this section titled, "Recommended:"), and I got too close before there was a context of commitment.
The emotions led to too much physical closeness. 4) My policy on physical affection is quite different from now on, as long as I am single. The editor of this website recommends (in an earlier writing) saving French kissing until engagement, and I now appreciate what he's saying. Some would not want to go along with that idea, but I believe now that this is the right approach.
Deep kissing just wants to go on to something more. Out of the context of a genuine commitment to marriage it is dangerous. What seems to be the harmless enjoyment of pleasure and closeness might turn out to be not so harmless.
Dancing close to the edge of trouble might be exciting, but it is so unwise.
To sum up, I need to be under God's control always, and any relationship I have with a woman needs to be under His control, as well.
We probably all want emotional and physical intimacy with another person.
We can be very anxious for these things, and when they seem so near it's easy to reach for them. But emotional and physical intimacy, both good and planned by God, are meant for their proper place, the warm context of mutual commitment in a loving marriage.
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