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just to get married?
It's scary and sad how many people are willing to "settle" so they can have a wedding. They agree, in other words, to marry a person when it is clear to others and maybe even to themselves that the wedding is not a very good idea.
Sometimes one of the two doesn't share the other's spiritual beliefs and convictions; for the Christian faith, especially, a mismatch can be quite difficult. Sometimes, in a similar way, the faith and practice of one is at least much in question compared to the other person. Personality can be another big issue; some couples are drastically different, to the degree that friends wonder if there can be harmony at all. Behavior problems represent another warning, whether it's alcohol, drugs, pornography, or abuse of the other person in some way. Having very different goals and values is yet another source of likely difficulty.
Despite the presence of issues like these, many couples go ahead with a wedding. Time after time after time, the results speak all too painfully for themselves. Having watched such weddings occur repeatedly with people I know, I have puzzled a lot over what is happening. What is going on, that people would resist common sense, good teaching, their own uneasiness, and the counsel of those who care about them and still go through with it? Is it that they are tired and fearful of being alone? That they are afraid that no one else would marry them? That they find the other so attractive in some way that they can't resist? That they feel the other person needs them? That they believe in their own powers to change and rescue the other? That they think the other person represents, in some cases, the financial security that will make it worthwhile? That they believe that somehow happiness comes through just getting married? Maybe there is some combination of these or other factors at work. It is complicated, I guess.
There would probably be fewer bad matches for marriage if we all cared more. We need to care enough about the institution of marriage and about people we know to lovingly, gently help those considering the big step to really consider what they are doing, if we find ourselves feeling uneasy about it. Many couples are terrific together, and it's plain. Some, though, could be spared a lot of heartache and maybe worse if they were persuaded by caring friends and family to put on the brakes. It's a difficult thing to do, going to someone who is planning on marrying, and raising a major question. It can be one of the most loving efforts one can make, though, when it seems needed.
I really admire those who care enough to make such an approach to a person considering an unwise marriage. I also really admire those who break an engagement because of thinking it over. It takes courage. It can be one of the smartest moves one or two people ever make.
The phrase, "better to remain unmarried than to marry the wrong person" is not just a line single people can use to comfort themselves. It is a strong truth.
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