|
A Hidden Love
Didn't really know her... she was just another girl with a pretty face... she was my classmate for biology that year, and never really paid attention to her. Time passed... and I found out that one of my friends had feelings for her... I took it as a joke and tried to get close to her...to torture him that I was tat close to her... I asked him for her email... and that's where it began... made her laugh, made her annoyed, irritated, made her want to get to know me more... it succeeded... we talked more at school, in class,,, joked around with each other... told each other things...
Summer was just a blink away... and as soon as it came... we got closer and closer... the boredom of summer made us meet up online and talk more... I wanted her to gain her trust... And this one night we called her... I still remember it like it was yesterday... We had to dial her cell phone number because that's all we had... we forced her to give us her house number or we would waste her minutes, miraculously she gave it. I used my number to call her and I'm glad because it was my number registered on her caller-id...
She was laughing uncontrollably, laughing at nothing at all. We talked about nothing, nothing but small talks... but it was interesting... it lasted 2 long hours...That was the beginning of it all. I called her up we would talk...and we would call my other friends...thus "party line" was born. We got so close in a matter of days. We acted as we knew each other since we were kids, we connected in an instance. She didn't know any of my friends... and because I was so amazed how wonderful this girl was decided to introduce her to them... slowly but steadily... through their emails... and soon through the phone...
It was turning great... everyone was so happy about it. My friend who liked her was extremely happy about... at least now she knew that he exists. She invited me to one of her performance... I went just for her... I tried to invite my other friends but they weren't up for it... had to beg 2 of them to come... they came late... I saw her dance her butt off on that stage... and after she was done dancing she came to me and gave me a hug for coming out.
Talking to her suddenly became a daily routine. Made a plan to go out and meet the guys person-2-person. I was afraid she was going to be snobbish, bitchy, complain, think we were losers, but it didn't turn out that way... it was one of the best days of my life... we actually had a good time.... That night I asked my friends what they thought of her... they said she was awesome and cool. They saw what I see in her a sweet, fun, beautiful girl.
To me she was already something more, a little sister... and I was her "Kuya"(older brother) I cared for her so much, always wanted her to have fun when she was out with us, and I made sure she was having fun. But then things started to play out differently. The guys acted differently, ignored it at first, but when it came between us having fun, I immodestly took it out in the open. I could see that she became the center of attention; they acted strange when she wasn't around and made their whole world revolve around her. I told her what was going on and she immediately saw it. An event came and I hesitated to go out, but she wanted me to be there. So I took a risk and went out. And as I predicted the whole night was about what she wanted to do. It annoyed the hell out of me.
It became like this, every time we would go out, it would turn out like it. Then one night she told me who she liked... turned out it was one of my friends. I warned her what would happen if it ever became the two of them. She said she understood and it was uncertain. Boy was I wrong... the talks we have was different now... she was so focused on... him. I felt obligated to do something about it being the big brother and best friend so II talk to the both of them and soon they got together… I didn't really know how to feel. I was happy yet sad and I didn't know why. My friend who liked her found out… he took it so badly he saw them making out I talked to her about it. I don't know why I took it badly but I did. Time passed and I was still angry about something. I had dreams of the two of them together and I'd wake up angry.
Then this one late night my friend was talking to me about how bad he felt when he saw them making out… and then I realized what was wrong with me. I was madly in love with her, everything came all-together. And now I knew why I acted like I acted. Things just got worse. And she noticed it too… It was unfair for her not knowing… so I told her… I poured my heart out… I cried,,,, cried cause I wanted something that I couldn't have… it lasted the whole morning… got off the phone not knowing what will happen next… days passed and she acted like nothing ever happened. I wondered why… but then it just hurts to go back to the subject… group went out again… and I see catch my self just staring into her eyes looking away whenever she looked my way… avoided her as much as possible… been home lately… decided to skip on the things the group had planned to do… caused it hurts me too much to see them together… it would have killed me.
Weeks past and things became a bit normal… we fought everyday again like brother and sister and apologizing for it the next day. We talked on the phone… mornings, afternoons, and evenings... then this one night she asked me if she still had feelings for her… I told her yes… then she asked me why I loved her… I hesitated at first to tell her but I did tell her. I asked her why she was asking me this. She told me how she felt about me… how she had feelings for me… how she might have chosen the wrong person to love and even to call it love… she said she cant live a day without talking to me… I just feel into a silent state. Didn't know what to do now… she advice me not to change anything… but how can I not let it change everything?
I didn't know what to do anymore… I couldn't take the pain anymore, not being able to sleep at night, not being able to eat right… because she was always on my mind… I couldn't take the pain anymore… I was tired of it… I wanted to feel nothing… even if it means never talking to her anymore… I feel like I have put her through so many problems, not only her but also the whole group because of how I've been acting… So I did it for the best… I told her we can't be best friends anymore because I love her to much.
|
|