|
Marriage after Thirty- My Story
By Jensen Foster
I got married in 2001, for the first time. We had a beautiful October wedding. I chose the month of October because I have always loved the season of autumn. Everything went off without a hitch during the ceremony with only one exception, at the reception, a couple, longtime friends of my husband's, got drunk and practically started a screaming match on the dance floor.
Oh but I mustn't forget the extreme annoyance shown by both my side of the family as well as my future in-laws in regard to my decision to dispense with some of the old wedding traditions and start some new ones. Nothing major, in my estimation, just a few changes. For example, I come from a fairly small family and my husband comes from a larger one so we decided to do away with the traditional seating arrangement in the church of the bride's side and the groom's side in order to balance things out better. People could sit wherever they chose with immediate family, of course, in the first couple of rows. This seemed reasonable to both him and I, but evidently not to everyone else involved. I also decided to do away with the throwing the bouquet over my shoulder to all the single women gathered. Being a single woman for as long as I was, I recall all too well the embarrassment that accompanies this moment at the reception. I had lived through enough of these moments and did not want to inflict them on anyone else. You get the picture as far as the changes go.
Why was it so important to be different? Why dispense with certain traditions handed down through generations to create some new ones? It's very simple really. You see I was a bride over the age of thirty (I was thirty- two and a half to be exact). First time brides at my age differ from young women who marry in their twenties.
Let me explain my own opinion about the ways we differ and why. First off, we don't romanticize men and relationships like our twentysomething counterparts do. We know that there's no such thing as a genuine "Mr. Wonderful" or a perfect mate. There are no knights in shining armor, no princes on white horses ready to rescue us. I've always been perplexed about that one. What exactly do we need to be rescued from anyway?! The world at large perhaps, or maybe even ourselves? This has always been a mystery to me.
We thirtysomething brides know there will be problems, indeed many of us rise to the challenge of dealing with everyday situations. We know no match is made in Heaven and yet we have the confidence that we can handle what is to come. The women in my age group have experienced enough of life that we, to quote an old euphemism,"know the score." We can take the good with the bad. If it was all good all the time we'd be terribly suspicious and know for sure that something was wrong, very wrong.
There have been so many boyfriends in my past and so much disappointment and let's face it- downright pain. I don't want to cast everything in a bad light, certainly that was not my intent. My many relationships have taught me a lot and I've grown and matured into the individual I am today. Everything that happens to us, in my humble opinion, and everyone who passes through our lives brings something to our existence that we didn't possess before. My life has been deeply enriched by the men I've loved. I've laughed, smiled, cried, screamed, felt my heart ready to burst with joy and wanted to tear my hair out in complete frustration.
It's been an adventure or maybe even a wild ride, all my years of dating. There were times I loved being single, and at other times, I couldn't wait to find the right man and settle down into wedded bliss. I know now that wedded bliss is a fantasy but I still am happy with the decision I made.
I married a man eight years my senior. This was the second marriage for my husband Evan. He has two children, whom I adore, by his first wife. We hope to have a child together as I have never had any children. I don't expect to have any more than one.
I am pleased with how things have turned out in my life. I didn't always think this way but now I am thankful. I enjoyed over thirty years of singledom. I had the opportunity to travel, earn my own money, and do with it whatever I chose to. I developed my own unique style of living and for the years I had it, it was terrific. There came a point however, when I was ready to share my life and all the love in my heart with a special man. I admit I grew weary of the search but finally I was richly rewarded.
Evan's appearance in my life opened up possibilities that hadn't existed before. He showed me love, helped me learn to trust again and encouraged me to want to be the best "me" that I could be. His love has made all the difference in the world. I finally took the plunge into married life and know without a doubt that I did what was right for me, and indeed for us both. I'm where I'm supposed to be.
|
|