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Why a mans sex drive decreases with age
This article is based on my observations and information I have read over the years. While not an expert in this area I hope this article may be helpful to some wives.
The things that help produce the emotion of passion or sexual desire in a marriage are words, sight, music, scent, touch and atmosphere. Maybe there are others I have left out.
Words would be hearing sweet things in your ear. Like I love you, I want you, you are sexy, etc. When the stories say these things they appeal to the person reading or listening to them.
Men are more visual than woman. What this means is that the primary thing that turns men on is sight or seeing a beautiful woman's face and body.
Generally women are more influenced by words than sight. Generally men are more influenced by the looks of a woman's face and body then by words.
Touch is very important also to both the man and woman. Touching and being touched by the opposite sex causes strong emotions of sexual desire for both sexes.
They say a man's sex drive peaks at age 18. After 18 it slowly diminishes as the level of testosterone drops in the man until at age 65 it has dropped down to the pre-puberty level of a 9 year old. If the man takes testosterone supplements this may change his sex drive. I'm not an expert on that.
They say a woman's sex drive peaks at age 35. It appears to stay fairly strong for many years.
When a married couple is young, the young man's sex drive is at its peak and his wife is the most beautiful she will ever be and so his ability to be aroused by her is at it's highest.
Then after they have been married for a while her visual newness wears off. Because he sees her all the time this causes him to not be as sexually influenced by her beauty. This is why when he is gone for a week and comes home, he finds her extra beautiful. And still she is beautiful and she still is appealing to him and he still is near the peak of his sex drive. So young husbands usually do not have trouble becoming aroused.
Now if he brings sexual habits into his marriage such as masturbating or looking at porn or flirting these will cause him to not be as satisfied with his wife. They will suck up some of his sexual energy and may cause him to not desire sex as often.
Normally he does not start into those old sexual habits immediately after the wedding night. What normally happens is that his wife does not desire sex as often as him and he senses she is not interested and then he begins to revert to old habits. Or maybe he will be solely interested in his wife until some argument causes her to not be responsive to him and so then he subconsciously begins to seek other places to exhaust his emotional sexual energies. Old habits will be the first places he may be tempted to go.
If a husband has hidden sexual habits they will probably make him feel guilty which may weaken his sex drive or cause him to be grumpy and quick to criticize his wife. Many arguments in a marriage that are started by the husband are due to the husband having guilt related to secret sexual habits or unfulfilled desires.
Christian men do not normally tell their sexual desires to their wives out of fear their wife would think they are perverted. The husband may feel he needs some spice in his marriage but he will not dare ask his wife if they can go rent a rated X video to add passion to their marriage. And so he may instead look at porn on the Internet or go to a topless bar occasionally to add a little spice to his life. He does not want to commit adultery but rather he is wanted to see beauty of other females in addition to his wife.
If husbands and wives would agree to save all sexually related things for when they are together and not do any sexually related things behind each other's back, marriages would be much stronger and happier and many divorces would be avoided.
Now back to the reasons why a mans sex drive diminishes with age.
Now if his wife becomes less attractive with time for example she gains weight, he may begin to not be as aroused by seeing her naked. I heard on the news that the average American woman gains one pound per year during marriage. This weight takes a toll on her husband's sexual desire for her.
An important thing a wife can do to help her husband be turned on by her is to maintain a good figure and make herself as beautiful as possible for her husband.
Men seem to judge beauty most by the face and secondarily by the body.
As a man's wife ages with wrinkles, varicose veins, sagging skin, and cellulite, all these and other age factors take a toll on his visual ability to be aroused by her. While he has aged too, her sex drive is not as dependent on his looks, as his sex drive is dependent on her looks.
The older a man's wife gets the less stimulated he may be by seeing her. This is because his idea of female beauty does not change much with age. If his wife were instantly young again he would instantly have a much stronger sexual desire for her.
But all this is not a problem to the older man because sex is not as important to him at this age. He loves his wife deeply for many many other reasons too besides sex. She is beautiful to him in so many other ways besides "youth beauty" that it does not hinder his love for her in any way. It simply makes him not desire sex as often as when she was young.
Another very important factor is how tired he is. It seems the older a couple is, the busier they are with their kids and the more tired they get. Make sure your husband gets lots of sleep and regular exercise and has healthy eating habits.
Another important factor is whether your husband is frustrated or stressed about anything. Along with this is whether he has a good self-esteem. Does he feel that he has been a failure in life? If he has a low self-esteem it will affect his overall attitude towards others and towards life and also his sex drive. Encourage him and be concerned about the things that he cares about and pray for him daily.
Equally important is whether there are any unsettled arguments between a husband and wife. If they can't agree on things they most likely will have difficulty in bed. Decide to forgive each other and be willing to compromise with each other within God's moral laws. Study the Bible on issues you disagree on and find what God has to say.
Sit down together and make a list of emotions you have for each other. Do you feel any pain? What did your husband or wife do in the past that you still feel pain from? These open wounds these sore spots these areas that can trigger bitterness under stressful circumstances these areas that you could never agree on, these areas need to be resolved.
For each of these areas, ask yourself what would it take for you to be able to forgive your spouse enough so that you could forget about it.
The reason it is still a sore spot is because you feel your spouse hasn't changed, you feel they would still do the same thing under similar circumstances or you may feel your spouse still feels the same way. What would your spouse have to do, or how would they need to change for you to be convinced that they are sorry or that they agree with you or that they would never hurt you again. Spell out to your spouse your feelings of pain and why you have them and what your spouse could do to heal your wound. You want to be able to forgive your spouse so that past hurts do not interfere with the future.
The spouse that hurt the other one should agree to change and agree to care and do what it takes to heal their spouse's pain. They should tell their spouse they are sorry and ask their spouse for forgiveness. They should write down a list of things they plan to change to please their spouse. They should together pray that God will help them change to meet the emotional needs of their spouse.
Each week the married couple should go over the list and see if there are any new things to put on the list. Each week the married couple should ask each other if there is anything they can do to better please each other. And put the new things on the list. Once the list is empty all emotional issues in the marriage are resolved and the couple should feel very close to each other.
An older mans weaker sex drive is not a problem in most marriages. A problem arises only when his wife wants sex more often than he does.
If an older wife wants sex more often than her husband she may become frustrated. She may help him be aroused by making sure he is rested, he is not frustrated or stressed or worried about anything and there are no unresolved arguments between them and they are on loving terms and then by more touching and being seductive with him and saying seductive words too him and by using other stimulation aides.
Our society is accustomed to using external influences or sex aides in marriages that appeal to their senses, to help the husband and wife be more passionate and enjoy sex more with each other.
Some of the sex aides married couples use to enjoy sex more are scents which appeal to their smell, music appeals to their emotions through what they hear, stories appeals to their emotions by taking on the emotions of the characters in the story through their imagination, a romantic atmosphere appeals to their sight, and pictures and video are used to appeal to their sight. All of these aides need to be brought into the lovemaking equation in such a way that the couple can focus on each other and not be distracted or threatened by them.
In many marriages there may come a time when the husband may suggest to his wife that it would be sexually stimulating to look at pictures with her or watch an erotic video with her while love making.
Wives in general may be jealous and be upset at the thought of their husband seeing another woman naked during their lovemaking or at all. Their jealousy partly comes from being taught by society that it is sinful and it is adultery fro a man to look at a naked woman.
Our Christian society teaches that the only reason a man would want to look at a naked woman would be if he wanted to have sex with her.
There is no Biblical reason basis for accusing men of adultery for looking at a naked woman. Nudity in Bible times was common and God never did condemn looking at nudity or being nude in the Bible.
When Jesus said it was adultery to look at a woman to covet or lust after her, he was referring to the Tenth Commandment (thou shalt not covet thy neighbors wife) and he was not talking about looking at a naked woman, he was talking about a man who had an adulterous heart and was looking at any women who he was coveting to have as his own. There is no reason to believe that Jesus was referring to naked women.
Since nudity was common in Jesus day, men did not have a problem with having a desire to see naked women - they saw them every day. Slaves were sold naked in the market place and the poor did not have clothes and people bathed in public places and the swam naked.
But today in our society where nakedness is prohibited married men who naturally find the female anatomy beautiful are restricted to seeing their own wife. And if their wife becomes fat or old the man may be tempted to find ways to see the naked anatomy of the female in secret. He is not wanting to have sex, but rather wanting to satisfy a curiosity to see something he remembers as beautiful.
Recently the Pastor of our church asked all the men to take out a pen and write down the Internet address of a porn-tracking site so that the men could be held accountable for where they go. Our church is a Bible church with good God fearing Christian men. The fact that good Christian men are going to porn sites validates that men are not seeking adultery but rather are seeking to see the female anatomy.
So if Christian wives understood that because we live in a society where nakedness is prohibited, and God does not condemn nakedness, and men have a strong desire to see nakedness, maybe the wives would be more understanding of their husbands.
At a marriage conference for Christian married couples, they divided up the men and the women. Then the speaker said to the men that they all had skeletons in their closets and that they should not tell their wives about their skeletons because their wives would not understand. He must have been referring to their desire to look at porn.
My suggestion is that we a Christians need to be honest and admit that men like to look at women. And that it is not wrong unless the man covets or lusts after the woman, which means he desires to have sex with her. This is what the Bible teaches.
If we taught the truth about men and looking at nudity, then wives would not end up divorcing their husbands when they find out they look at porn.
Instead we should teach husbands and wives to go to each other to meet their sexual needs. What is wrong is when you do anything on your own to meet your sexual needs. A husband and wife owe it to each other to go to each other for sexual gratification.
But since most wives will not allow their husband to look at pictures with her as an external sexual stimulation aid, the men do not even think of asking. Instead they go look at pictures in secret.
And the truth is that most wives would not be stimulated with their husband looking at pictures with them.
Video with pictures becomes an alternative that appeals to the husband and the wife. Women like stories and men like pictures. And so a video with a story that contained pictures and romantic music could be stimulating to both the husband and wife.
A problem with using video as a sex aid in a marriage is that most video available violates Biblical principles because they promote immoral sexual conduct such as sex before marriage or sex outside of marriage. The three Biblical principles that apply to erotic materials are that Christians should not read or watch something that took immorality to make, that promotes or condones immoral behavior, they take God's name in vain, or the content causes the person to covet or want to have sex with someone who is not their spouse.
Most erotic videos took immoral behavior to make, since they have unmarried couples having sexual relations, and they promote immoral behavior such as sex outside of marriage, sex between the same sex and group sex. So it is difficult for Christian married couples to find any erotic video that is moral enough to use in their marriage.
Another sex aide is the sex stimulating drugs that are available. While I have not tried them they may be helpful. Personally I would prefer the natural aids over a drug. Taking a drug many times has side affects. I have heard that some men have died of heart attacks while on the drug. However I don't know if this is true.
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