|
prayer
Prayer
Lord I pray for my family, please make us strong and to grow in you. We need you right now and I know I have not been on the best of terms with you but I have always had a place in my heart where I wanted to be closer to you. My family is struggling right now and I do not know what to do. I'm having anxiety and panic issues over it. I messed up lord, I was not there, I did not pray, I did not love my family as I know I could and should have. I have wanted a family forever. It is all I have ever wanted and I feel that I have it with Jessica and Liberty. Jessica is the woman I love but I was just so scared of getting married and I was scared for so long about it that I drove her away. As a result, I have a huge hole logged into my heart because I do not know how to get it all back and change the way I treat my family.
I know that I have not been the best father and I know I have been not the best man for Jessica so it would make sense that she would find happiness where she can find it. I understand that but in understanding that, there lies my problem. I do not want someone else in our lives. I want the family that I know that you wanted for me and for Jessica. I know that you would not have blessed us with Liberty unless you new that Jessica and I were meant to be. For so long I wanted a child with Jessica but when the time came I was scared because we were broken up. All I wanted is a stable family foundation to grow and to be happy and to cherish the things I love and hold most dear. I know this now but I fear it is too late. I want it back lord and if you have it in you to give Jessica and I, our family back it would help me be a stronger person and a more loving person. I have a feeling that when we broke up and you blessed us with Liberty it was your way of telling us that we needed to be a family but I have done everything the wrong way. The man is the leader of the family but I lead it away… I never went and honored you and to thank you for such the things that you have blessed Jessica and I with. I want to now and
I feel I am ready, please bless us one more time on a journey I know that I am willing to take now. Family… I need her lord and I need Liberty in my life and I do not know what I would do without them. I took advantage of everything and I was selfish. I did many bad things and I am sooooooooooo sorry for it. Please lord just let me have it back to prove that I am worthy of the love of my child and Jessica. I love her a lot and she doesn't even understand it or know it or realize it because I blocked it off for so long lord. For so long I hid my feelings knowing how I felt but did not deal with it. I know that I should have and my plans were to do this at the end of the year when I planned on moving in with Jessica and Liberty.
I focused all my time and energy on people I did not even know thinking that acceptance from people I didn't even know would be my satisfaction in life. I was wrong. I am begging you lord to give me back what you gave me 15 months ago. A chance of happiness and life with my family. I know that I do not deserve it. I know how horrible a person I am but I am asking you to come into my heart and help me be a better person. I need you in my life and I am begging you to let me have my family back. Right now she has feelings for another man and I am crushed by it. Is he the one for her? Am I wrong in asking for something that was not in your plan? If he is not the one for her and I am the one please just give me the strength and the patience to wait this out and I will try my hardest to be a better person lord. I just need your help and I am sorry it has taken me so long to ask. It has been so long sense I have even spoken with you it is no wonder that things are not right. I know you have a plan for me lord and I know that you have a plan for Jessica lord. Please help us; I need my family to be ok.
I hurt so bad right now lord. Soooo bad do I hurt and there is nothing to sooth that pain but the love of my family and the acceptance of Jessica. It is all I think about and its caused problems at work. I have been unhappy at work and I can't seem to find out why but I can only assume that the original unhappiness is with me not trying to be the family I know you wanted. I know that you must have been frowning down upon me knowing how big of a mess up I have become, and how I never asked for forgiveness for it but I am asking now.
The lord giveth and the Lord taketh it away. Please lord just let me have another chance. I will try hard because its making me so sad to think about anything right now. I have no focus and I can't stop shaking when I think about it. This morning lord I had to put Liberty's car seat into Jessica's car and I read parts of a journal she had when she was pregnant with liberty. Lord I have messed up so bad I have hurt her and I know I deserve to be punished but I feel so much pain right now. I know she must have felt it for so long. How do I sooth that pain and help her to love me again? Please help me Lord.
|
|