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Love on the Web
I had had quite a few dates that I met through Internet dating services. Many where quite attractive, somewhere quite deceptive, and had drastically false advertised themselves in appearance or intentions. Like most guys, I was hoping to find a reasonably attractive, fun, good-humored woman, etc. I had nearly given up when on a Friday after work I met Susan whom I had been communicating with for a couple of weeks on the internet. We met for a dinner and drinks at a location close to half way between our towns. I was early so picked a booth from which I could watch the doors. I had seen her picture of course, and so was looking for her now familiar face. When she walked in I was blown away. A flood of anxiety poured through me as she walked to the table. It seemed she had recognized me right away too. She was stunning, more beautiful than her picture could show, and her smile lit the room. She had a charisma that did not require speech to sense.
I was nervous. I was sure she would see through what I perceived in my mind as inadequacies of all kinds. (I am a reasonably self-confident guy too). We introduced our selves, She confident, me feeling the tightening in my stomach. We made a little small talk while we placed our meal order, and when the waiter walked away, to my surprise the conversation continued smoothly. She was funny, and seemed to find me fun to talk with too. We hit it off. By our third date, I was invited to her friends home for Easter, and several months into our relationship, I cooked dinner for her daughters prom, there where several of her teen friends, and of course for Susan and I. We spent a romantic long weekend in the mountains of Colorado, a cool retreat on one of the hottest weekends of the year. That's when things went bad. I apparently did have some inadequacies she was reluctant to point out in the beginning. It turns out she made far more money than I, and I was not able to keep up with her entertainment budget in a way that seemed fair to her.
She sort of slipped away, not talking as much with me, or scheduling time together. I was persistent, and got a reply by e-mail, a sort of "Dear John" e-mail that tore a huge chunk out of my heart.
I did not see each other for a couple weeks, then she seemed to warm up to me again, she invited me to a baseball game, and I accepted. We went to the game, things went well. It was at though things had not changed from the time our romance was new. The following week though, another bomb, she did not want a relationship, her life was too hectic, we did not mesh, etc. I was broken inside. I would have hated her if I were not so deeply in love with her. Her friend (whom we spent Easter with) says Sue is afraid of commitment, Sue says her friend may be right. We do things together now and then, but I get very mixed signals these days.
I want Susan to be my wife although I have never told her this. I want to spend my life with this amazing woman I met on the Internet. It has been a good experience; there are quality people out there. I loved and lost, but I Loved.
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