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tranquility
It was early spring so a chill could be felt when standing in the shade with a gentle breeze. It was a warm day yet the breeze could cut through you like a warm knife through butter. So we had decided to take a walk and keep ourselves in the sunshine. The day was warm with the sun resting on our shoulders like a warm blanket as we walked through the park.
I knew that our relationship was fragile and I had prayed to God many times day and night that we could somehow overcome the obstacles that drove us toward separation. I loved Yana. I loved everything about her and her wonderful smile that lifted the spirit of anyone that met her.
Like most that knew her she had lifted me from a lonely existence to someone that longed for the opportunity to be with her, to spend time doing anything as long as it was with her. She captivated me with her presence and love that I thought she had for me and the love that I knew I had for her.
But I knew deep down that I wasn't the one that she wanted to spend her life with. I was encouraged by the words that she had spoken that somehow I might be that person that lifted her, that completed the desires in her life. Oh how she would complete me in my world for a lifetime. But deep down the reality of our relationship seem doomed.
She could feed me with simple words like “I love you.” or “You make me so happy.” that I could easily lose track of the reality that was ultimately catching up to me and especially my heart. I loved to hear those words and I loved talking with her just to hear them. After all what harm could one more tender lie do?
We strolled down the sidewalk through the park and made small talk of the beauty of spring and the new life that sprung from the warm soil of the earth. The spring flowers made me think of our young relationship that we had and that I wanted so badly to bloom into a wonderful life long blossom.
“Nick, I think we need to see and date other people.” Yana spoke in a heartfelt yet emotionless tone. She was trying in every way to ease the pain that she knew would engulf my chest.
“Do you remember our first kiss?” I countered to deny the words that stung my heart.
“Nick please don't make this so hard.” Yana pleaded.
“I remember the sweetness of you that I had never tasted before. I remember the closeness of our bodies the warm feeling that overcame me as I searched for secret places with my tongue. I remember you looking for my hidden treasures of lustful kisses as our tongues met. I remember the feeling I had as this warm embrace lasted for what seemed an eternity yet was only just a short time. I remember looking into your eyes and seeing the depth of love in your eyes as we held each other.” I countered again in an effort to deflect the pain that I felt building in my heart.
TBC
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