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Imagine What Jesus Might Say
Recently I counseled a Christian friend whose wife has all but kicked him out of the house because he looks at porn when he is upset. I asked him if he covets to have sex with the women in the pictures? He said no that it is an emotional escape for him. He believes he is addicted because, he explained that when he looks at the pictures endorphins are released in his blood stream that cause him to feel better.
I asked him how things were in the bedroom and he explained that she withholds sex from him.
He is a very strong Christian who has been counseled by many over the years. He is one of the 80 percent of Christian men who struggle with porn.
My first suggestion to him would be to go to God and pray for strength when he is tempted to look at porn. Or encourage him to read his Bible when he is tempted. This advice works for many. But some of those 80 percent of Christian men need deeper solutions.
Looking at porn is many times a symptom of deeper problems.
If a man is single Paul says he should get married if he burns with passion.
If a man is married Paul says he should have sex regularly with his wife. It is implied that his wife should enjoy sex when they have sex. If his wife does not enjoy sex, her husband may not feel desired and he will have emotional sexual energy that he will subconsciously vent in other places like looking at porn or flirting.
Husbands need to feel desired by their wives. They desire a wife who is full of passion for them.
Husbands need sexual approval from their wife. They need to feel their wife really finds them sexually attractive.
When their wife does not give them this approval they become emotionally sexually frustrated and they will subconsciously seek to release this frustration by flirting or by looking at porn.
I counseled my friend to stop looking at porn and instead, when he gets tempted, go to her and ask her if they could do something together instead of looking at porn. I suggested that they try reading together some stories from MarriageRomance.com. I even suggested that she should be willing to look at pictures with him, but that to be fair, he should offer to provide male pictures too. But I explained that if she was willing to accept him and he was willing to do things with her to overcome his bad habit, that God would heal their marriage. I suggested they might look into educational erotic type videos also.
He explained that his wife would have nothing to do with this idea, and that she would tell him to go get fixed and come back when he is cured of porn. He also explained that this is his wife's fourth marriage and that she has much baggage from her previous marriages.
Let us imagine his wife ends up divorcing my friend and that she also divorced her previous three husbands because of porn.
Imagine what Jesus might say to her at the pearly gates of Heaven.
Jesus might say, "Beloved, why did you divorce your four husbands?"
She might say, "Because they were perverts and looked at porn."
Jesus might say, "But why didn't you deal with the problem?"
And she might say, "What do you mean, it was their problem!"
And Jesus might say, "No, don't you remember, 'You Are One'?"
She might say, "What do you mean - We are one?"
Jesus might say, "'Yes You Were One Flesh' with each of your husbands and their problem was your problem. And all four of those husbands went on to remarry, and their Godly wives accepted them and helped them overcome their porn habits. And because you divorced each of them and they remarried, you caused each of them to commit adultery with their new wife. You had no Biblical justification to divorce them. I have forgiven them, for their adultery with their new wives, because you are to blame for their adultery.
You caused God The Father and the Holy Spirit and Me a lot of sadness. You caused your husbands a lot of grief. And you, because you remarried a fifth time, you were committing adultery with your last husband.
When your husbands looked at those pictures they did not commit adultery; they were venting emotional sexual energy. They did not covet those pictures. They coveted to have a wife that would desire them, that would love them, that would be understanding and be patient with their weakness.
You were jealous because you suspected the women in the pictures were more beautiful than you. You divorced them because of your sin, your own jealousy.
Dear woman, did you not read where Paul said your body is not your own but your husband's? Did you not read in the Bible where Paul said to not withhold sex from your husband?
Did you not read your Bible and see that I allowed husbands to have multiple wives? I hate divorce so much that I would prefer that a man have multiple wives and concubines in order to have his sexual needs and emotional needs met rather than get divorced. I give married couples great latitude and broad discretion in their quest to satisfy each other's sexual needs. I put no rules in the Bible limiting what they can and cannot do as long as they only have sex with each other.
Because men could have multiple wives and concubines, the jealousy between the wives caused the wives to be very respectful and very sexually desirous of their husband's time together. This helped a husband's emotional sexual needs to be met because he was sexually desired by his wives.
Could you not see that your lack of sexual desire for your husbands caused them to feel like failures sexually? Did you not know that every young boy dreams of marrying a wife who will desire him sexually? Could you not see that your withholding sex from your husbands, and your lack of sexual interest in them, led them to sexual frustration and to looking at porn?
Could you not see that since I allowed men to have multiple wives, I would also allow husbands to look at pictures of women if it would help them with their marriage?
Could you not see that your husbands did not "covet to have" the women in the pictures, but rather they were content to look at them?
Could you not reason that if your husbands were truly coveting to have these women they would have been driven by their covetousness to go out and physically commit adultery? Does not sin in the heart, after it is conceived lead to physical sin? You knew your husbands were loyal to you. How could you ignore that these men were devout Christian men devoted to you and devoted to serving in the church?
Did you not read in the Bible in Ephesians 5: 22 where it says, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord"? Why did you not submit to the leadership of your husbands when they begged you to help them and continue to respect them and work through the issues of pornography with them?
Did you not know that 80 percent of Christian men struggle with looking at porn, because men like to look at the beauty of woman similar to the way women like to look at other beautiful things?
And she might say, "What beautiful things do women like to look at?"
And Jesus might say, "Beloved, do you remember, you insisted that each of your husbands go into debt to provide you with a beautiful home, expensive car, beautiful matching clothing, fine jewelry, romantic vacations and only the finest dining? These are the beautiful things women like to look at.
Could you not see that your expensive taste caused your husbands to go into debt causing stress and arguments?
Did you not know from studying your Bible that borrowing to buy something you cannot afford and do not need is covetousness, which is idolatry? Did you not know that idolatry is spiritual adultery against God, because you have to have these things to make yourself happy, instead of being content with what you have?
Could you not see that porn was a bad habit similar to the many other bad habits people have such as spending, going into debt, shopping, watching TV, and excessive eating?
Why did you not care to help your husbands? Why did you not love them as I loved you?
Why did you let jealousy control you? Did you not know that I taught uncontrolled anger is murder? Could you not see from my teachings in the Bible that your anger, which led you to your harsh words towards your husbands and to divorce them, was murder?
Why did you not trust their love for you and my love for you and them?
Your sin does not fall entirely on you. The Christian leaders who taught the legalism surrounding 'lust' that caused you to misinterpret your jealousy as righteous anger, they were a stumbling block to you and they are partially to blame.
Did these religious leaders not understand that no single scripture is subject to private interpretation? Could they not see that when I said when a man looks at a woman to lust after her, I was referring to the tenth commandment in Exodus 20:17 where it says to not covet anything that is not yours. Could they not see that I was not saying it is sin to see something that causes an increase in the emotion of sexual desire? Did they not know that nudity was common when I walked the earth and that because it was not forbidden to look, it was less sensual? Did they not know that forbidding something makes it even more desirable? Could they not see that by teaching that looking at nudity is "adultery", they turned wives against husbands, causing wives to misinterpret their own jealousy as righteous anger, causing millions of Christian divorces? Did these leaders not know that sin in the heart leads to physical sin, and statistics show that the 80 percent of Christian men who look at porn, are not out committing physical adultery.
Did these Christian leaders not know that I said "adultery" was a valid reason to divorce? Could they not see that by calling looking at porn "adultery" they gave millions of wives an excuse to divorce? And those divorces were not valid because only God can judge sins of the heart! Have these Christian leaders not read in the Bible "Judge not that ye be not judged?" Have they not read, "Man looks on the outward appearance but God looks on the heart?" Only God can judge a man's thoughts - not a Pastor or a wife.
Why did these Christian leaders not understand what Paul said in Galatians 3, 25, where it says, "Now that faith has come, we are no longer under the supervision of the law." Why did they not read in 1 Corinthians 6:12 where Paul said, "Everything is permissible for me - but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible for me - but I will not be mastered by anything." Why did these Christian leaders deny God's Grace in the lives of so many Christian married couples?
They should have been preaching salvation by Grace instead of teaching that it is "adultery" to admire the beauty of the female body. These hypocrites, this was a law they admitted they could not even keep themselves.
What I desire is for Christians to love the Lord their God with all their heart and their neighbor and their spouse and their family as their self. When they practice this law there is no need for man made laws. This is God's Grace.
Did these Christian leaders not know that when a Christian loves God with all their heart they will desire to keep Gods laws?
If they would have left things alone I would have helped the husbands mature and would have saved their marriages and helped them balance their lives with moderation in everything. Why did Christian leaders not see that I wanted Christians to live by Grace and not by law and that my Holy Spirit would complete the work that I started in them? Instead they built up the fences around "lust" to the point that they caused millions of wives to divorce their husbands and misinterpret jealousy as righteous anger.
Dear woman, if only you had understood what I meant when I said, 'I require mercy not sacrifice'. Then you would have been willing to work with your husbands in any way they asked because you would have had genuine compassion to help them. This compassion would have come from your being thankful for what I did for you on the cross and because of how I had blessed you on earth.
You had to have your list of expectations met on a daily basis or else you became angry with your husband and depressed. If only you could have looked beyond yourself into eternity and seen that your years on earth were just a tiny dot on the time line of eternity! If only you could have seen that your primary purpose here on earth was to glorify God by ministering to your husband.
I died on the cross for your sins and so I do forgive you for the mess you made of your life and the lives of your husbands. I forgive you because by faith you believed I am God's Son and that I lived a perfect life on earth. And God required that someone perfect die in your place and I chose to die in your place to pay the penalty for your sins. You believed I died in your place and so you are forgiven!
Beloved … I am coming over to you … let me hug you … there … We love you and forgive you … let me wipe your tears away … Dear … do you feel better? … Good … as you may remember your husbands are in heaven already … they have forgiven you too … and they have been praying for you … Beloved, you may enter Heaven; into the presence of GOD OUR HEAVENLY FATHER.
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