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Coaching Log (10/07/2005)
We are going to begin to share some of our coaching logs.
We are currently coaching this young wife. Please pray for this young married couple that have been married less than two years and have a child. We have edited the names for the sake of privacy.
This young mother writes:
We fight all the time, I get really really angry and frustrated. I feel Unappreciated and neglected. I think he is rude and inconsiderate. He has told me he doesn't love me anymore, and when I get mad, I call him names. We have a son the=at is almost 1 and he has said that he is only with me, to be with his son. I feel like I could go on forever with our problems, I cant stand his mother (I'm not sure if that has to do with anything) and he is nothing like he used to be. He is very unsympathetic and never thinks of my needs.
Our coach writes:
Dear Young Wife,
Thank you for contacting MarriageRomance.com for coaching. I will try to encourage you and give you Godly advice.
I read what you wrote about your marriage. You have been married a year and a half and things have changed drastically since your honeymoon. When did they start changing? What do you think caused you and your husband to begin arguing?
I mean at first you were both deeply in love, right? Then what happened first that caused the marriage to unravel?
You indicated you are a Christian, but I noticed you do not go to church. Can you explain to me your religious philosophy? What do you believe about God? And what does your husband believe about God?
Without God at the center of a marriage relationship (the GOD FACTOR) it can get pretty ugly with lots of unhappiness. The "GOD FACTOR" brings to marriage a standard of living, a reference point, a common ground. What I mean is that when a husband and wife are both true Christians then they can go to the Bible for answers on how to treat each other and what to expect from each other. But even more important than that is that two true Christians will have God's love for each other. And so when the human love runs dry, they can still reach out to love each other until the human cup of love fills back up.
It is very difficult to help married couples who have not accepted Christ as their Savior and truly understand God's Grace. Do you know what God's Grace is? What it is, is that God sent His Son Jesus to die for us and if we believe that Jesus died for sins then we are saved and we don't have to do anything else to go to heaven. The catch is that if we really believe that Jesus died for us so we can spend eternity in heaven instead of in hell, then we will be so happy and thankful for what Jesus did, that we will want to please Jesus. It is kind of like when you were deeply in love with your husband before you were married. Didn't you want to please him? It's the same way with Jesus. We are so happy for what He did that we want to please him. And so how do we please Jesus? Well Jesus said really all we have to do is "Love God with all our heart and love our neighbor as our self." So if we do this, guess what? We will not argue with our spouse. We will not complain about things. We will not get jealous. We will not be mean.
And so if you did get saved and begin to live by God's Grace, your husband would notice a big change in you. He would begin to fall back in love with you.
Or if he began to live by God's Grace, you would notice a big change in him. He would be kind to you. You would begin to fall back in love with him.
So why don't you take the first step? Why not ask Jesus to forgive you for your sins and then begin to live by God's Grace by loving your husband? Not only can we be thankful for what Jesus did for us, but also we can be thankful that He will work out the details of our life if we will just live by God's Grace.
Let me know what you think of all this and lets dialog some more.
God Bless you and I am praying for you and your husband!
MarriageRomance.com Coach
P.S. You have a beautiful name - I love your name XYZ!
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