|
Coaching Log 10/11/2005
Maritial Status: Married
Gender: Female
Your Age: 23
Age Of Your Spouse: 34
Would you like to learn how to become a Christian? Yes
Is your spouse a Christian? No
How many times a month do you go to church? 3
How many years have you been married? 6.
Do you have children? Yes.
How many children living at home? 2.
Is your spouse unfair to you? Yes.
Are you unfair to your spouse? Yes.
Does your spouse think you are unfair to them? Yes.
Do you feel angry with your spouse? Yes
Do you feel your spouse is angry with you? Yes
What percent of your time together with your spouse is spent arguing? 50 percent
Do you like being married? No
Do you wish you were single again? Yes
Do you want to stay married? Yes
Would you ever divorce your spouse? Yes
Would your spouse ever divorce you? Yes
MarriageRomance.com may publish all or parts of this coaching session: Yes
Please describe your situation and problem:
My husband and i have been having problems for a while now i work a full time job take care of 2 kids take care of all the housework and my own vehicle and take care of him.
When i ask him for help he will not help me he says it's my job, my responsibility. My husband says that i yell at him which i do. I am out of control with my anger towards him i am to the point where I yell about everything.
I feel like my husband has no respect for me and all he thinks about is himself. I stay home with the kids i never go out, but he does and stays gone till the early morning he lies to me he has cheated on me and is now staying in a motel room because he says that I'm intolerable.
He makes fun of me, is deliberately cruel tells me I'm fat tells me he doesn't love me, tells me he hates me, and refuses to come home until i get counseling for yelling at him.
He tells me that everything is my fault and i don't know if it is or isn't. I've asked him to take me out to dinner but he takes his friends. I'm late getting home cuz I gotta stop for groceries he's hungry so he goes and gets food for himself.
The only thing that my husband does is works other than that he does nothing. He won't go anywhere with me and the kids he refuses to help around the house but when he wants me to do something for him it has to be done. I ask him and ask him for help and i finally get so mad i blow up which i don't want to do and then he calls me names throws things at me kicks me then tells me that i make him do it and that i need help i don't know what to do is this all my fault?
Coaches Answer:
Dear Wife,
It is not your fault. Your husband should be helping you! He is being very lazy and is not being a good husband!
I noticed you are a Christian and your husband is not a Christian. If your husband was a Christian he would be more likely to be kind to you and be a better husband. That is why God tells single Christian girls to only marry Christian men.
I coach so many Christian wives who end up marrying a nonChristian and end up regretting it.
I pray your husband will recognize that he is a sinner and that he needs Jesus to forgive him for his sins. Once your husband recognizes that he deserves to go to hell, but that he can go to heaven because Jesus paid the penalty for his sin, then your husband will be saved. When he gets saved, if he truly believes, the Holy Spirit will come into him and minister to him through his conscience and help him mature and become more loving to you and to others.
Please pray for your husband every day. Pray that he will become a Christian. Pray that God will touch his heart.
Explain to your husband that if he will begin to help you at home you will stop being angry with him. Ask God to help you not be angry with him. Look in the mirror. See who is in the mirror? That person is God's image to your husband. You are Jesus to your husband. All he knows about God is through you. You are the messenger from God to minister and help your husband get saved.
The Bible teaches that you can get him saved if you will have a loving quiet spirit. Don't let God down. Here is how you can look at life. Don't expect anything from your husband. Instead realize that you are on a mission from God to show your husband that being a Christian is a good thing. Ask God for strength each day to go through the day without criticizing your husband and without complaining or yelling about anything.
Read the New Testament each day and pray each day for strength.
Explain to your husband that the coach suggested that you and your husband each make a list of things you wish each other would change and things you both disagree on. Sit down together and go over the list and each of you talk about how you are going to change to please the other. And on the things you disagree on, compromise and agree. The Bible teaches that “How can two walk together, except they be agreed”.
Each week go over the list together and mark off things that the other has changed or things that are not important anymore. Mark off things that you both agree on now too. Add things new things that you want the other to change and new things you disagree on. Talk about how to change for each other and compromise to agree on things.
Each week go over the list until all the things are gone from the list. You will be deeply in love by then. Only God can help you do this so pray together each night and ask God to help you get along and love each other.
See if your husband will go to church with you. Try and find a Bible church. They teach the Bible and they understand God's Grace. See if your husband and you can get into a small group Bible study at the church. You will make great freinds there.
Read some marriage romance writings from MarriageRomance.com to help you both forget about the troubles of the day and begin to focus on romance and each other.
I pray God will give you the patience with your husband to forgive him and not yell at him. I pray he will be willing to come back and begin to help you. I pray your husband will get saved and that God will bless your marriage!
|
|