|
Coaching Log 10/12/2005
Martial Status: Married
Gender: Male
Your Age: 37
Age Of Your Spouse:
Would you like to learn how to become a Christian? Yes
Is your spouse a Christian? No
How many times a month do you go to church? 0
How many years have you been married? Too long.
Do you have children? Yes.
How many children living at home? .
Is your spouse unfair to you? No.
Are you unfair to your spouse? Yes.
Does your spouse think you are unfair to them? Yes.
Do you feel angry with your spouse? Yes
Do you feel your spouse is angry with you? Yes
What percent of your time together with your spouse is spent arguing?
30 percent
Do you like being married? No
Do you wish you were single again? Yes
Do you want to stay married? No
Would you ever divorce your spouse? Yes
Would your spouse ever divorce you? I Don't Know
MarriageRomance.com may publish all or parts of this coaching session: Yes
Please describe your situation and problem:
I have been having thoughts about cheating on my wife. Please help me before things get out of control. I don't want my kids or her to suffer anymore.
It's not fair to them.
Regards,
Coaches Advice:
Thank you for contacting MarriageRomance.com for coaching. I will try and encourage you and give you Godly advice.
You said you are having cheating thoughts about your wife. You indicated in the questionnaire that you have been married “too long”. It seems to me that you want spice in your love life and you feel your wife cannot provide it. Is there someone at work that seems to be available for an affair? Or are you just feeling restless and feel like finding someone through the Internet or at a bar or elsewhere?
You are asking for help because you do not want to hurt your wife and children. You indicated you are a Christian and that your wife is not a Christian and that you do not go to church.
People get restless in life – in a general sense - when they have no purpose for living. Men in particular get sexually restless when their testosterone level is high – when they have not had sex for some time. Men also can get restless when they look at porn or porn videos or rated R and rated X movies. These forms of entertainment excite the male. They also promote and condone immoral conduct and sear the conscience of the viewer.
Do you subject yourself to sexually stimulating media? If you do, you should stop looking or watching sexually exciting media. If you are flirting with someone at work or you are stopping off at topless bars or other bars on the way home, stop doing those things.
Decide to save all your sexual energy for your wife. Sometimes this can be frustrating. If your wife is not sexually responsive to you then you have an additional problem.
If your wife is not sexually responsive to you see if she will read some of our marriage romance stories from MarriageRomance.com with you in bed. They should help her focus on romance and become passionate with you. If that doesn't work you might try something stronger like watching with your wife an educational erotic video at night.
You and your wife can browse our “romance ideas” at MarriageRomance.com for some ideas on how to add passion and romance to your marriage.
If you have done all the above and you still have thoughts about cheating on your wife, don't give up hope. We are not done yet.
Your ability to not cheat on your wife depends on several things. One is how in love you feel with your wife. If your relationship is strained or you are not happy or you are angry with your wife you will be more tempted than if you were deeply in love with your wife.
So ask yourself, “Is there anything I don't like about my wife that is driving her away from me? Are there some things that she disagrees with me on, that make me not like her anymore?”
Make a list of things you wish your wife would change and things you feel you disagree with her on. Ask your wife to make a list of the things she wishes you would change and things she feels she disagrees with you on. Then sit down together and brain storm on how you could change and things you could do different to make each other happy. And decide to compromise with each other to come to an agreement on things you disagreed on.
During the week, work hard at changing the things your wife wants you to change. And she should work hard changing the things you want her to change. Each week check the list until there are no more items on the list. If a new problem comes up, add it to the list. Once you both agree on everything and there is nothing on the list, you should feel very in love with your wife.
Your ability to not cheat is also dependent on how much self-control you have. God can give you self-control – it is a fruit of the Spirit of God. You indicated you are a Christian but you indicated you don't go to church. I would encourage you to find a Bible teaching church and take your wife and kids to church each week.
Do you believe Jesus is God's son and that Jesus died to take the punishment for your sins? Have you really ever asked Jesus to forgive you for your sins? If you have that is Great! If you haven't I would encourage you to do so now. Just say, “Jesus I recognize I am a sinner who deserves to go to hell, but I believe you lived a perfect life on earth and that you died for my sins, and I believe you. I want you to forgive me for my sins and I want to go to heaven when I die.
If you said this prayer or you were a Christian before, God the Holy Spirit came into you. The Holy Spirit will help you have self-control as you seek God's will in your life. I would encourage you to read the New Testament and pray each day and ask God to give you strength to not cheat on your wife.
See if your wife would like to become a Christian too. And find a church that teaches the Bible and start going each week. See if you can get in a small group Bible study with your wife at the church. The Bible church denomination is a good one that understands God's Grace and is not too legalistic.
If you are a Christian or you just became a Christian, life is very exciting. Because you have a purpose in life. God put you here on earth, not to satisfy your own sexual lusts but rather to love Him and love your wife and family and friends.
You know life is very short – maybe 80 years. After this life, eternity is very long – forever and ever. This is a testing ground to see if we want to live with God in heaven or we want to live in hell with the devil. If we choose the devil, God promises it will be very painful and we will wish we were not there.
If we recognize that our goal here on earth is to please God because we are thankful He gave us a way to go to heaven, then we will have more self-control. We will not only want to please our wife and children but also we will want to please God.
Life is a choose. Do we please ourselves or please God and others? Do we ilve for ourself or do we live for others?
If we choose to live for ourself, we end up destroying our here and our life in eternity. Oh, yeah we might have 30 minutes of pleasure but after that it is pure hell during the divorce and trying to find someone for the next moment of pleasure.
If we choose to live for God and our family and others, we end up much happier in this life and in eternity.
Your perspective on life will determine whether you go down the road of adultery or whether you go down the road and live for your family and for God.
God's way is always the best way. You seem to want extra spice in your marriage. Why not do some exciting things with your wife? Our web site at MarraigeRomance.com is full of ideas.
I beg you not to destroy your life and the lives of your wife and kids for a moment of pleasure.
I pray God will give you self-control. I pray your perspective on life will be God's perspective. You indicated your wife is not a Christian. God could use you to save your wife from going to hell for eternity. If you will decide to let God use you to be a good witness to her, God could use you to save her. Start reading the New Testament and start going to church.
Work out all the problems you might have with your wife so that she thinks the world of you! Help her, tell her she is the best, don't ever criticize her, don't ever complain around her, work hard to support her, spend your spare time helping her instead of watching TV and going out with your friends, take her to church, love her and she will be deeply in love with you.
When she is deeply in love with you plans some exciting fun sexy things to do with her.
Your wife can be sexy. She can satisfy your sexual desires. For example, imagine that you took her out to eat with her dressed up sexy with no panties on and a low cut dress on. Now what if you needed to go to the restroom. And as you walked back up to her at the table she happened to be getting up to go to the ladies room herself. But she accidentally, on purpose, let her dress slide up and spread her legs so that you see up her dress. Would you then be tempted to go out and cheat on her?
Think of ways to channel your excess sexual energy back to your wife instead of to other women. Other things you can do in your bedroom are play sex games with your wife, read our moral erotic marriage love stories together, or watch an educational erotic video together. These are all things that could add spice to your marriage with your wife – as long as you only do them with her. All these things, while maybe not the best, are better than you cheating on your wife. God hates divorce. God hates adultery.
If you do these things alone they will destroy your marriage. Save all sexually related activities for your wife. And don't do them together unless your wife agrees it is ok with her. In a Christian marriage a wife should submit to her husband's leadership.
With time, as you grow spiritually, God will help you know what is the best ways to add spice to your marraige. Paul said "All things are permissiable, but not all things are profitable." See how your wife reacts to the things you all try together and go with those things you both feel most comfortable with. See how the things you do affect your love for each other. If they seem to push you apart from each other, then stop doing those things.
But be committed to your marriage and God will personally bless you. Be comitted to God too and God will give you many more blessings plus eternal life.
I pray God will bless you and give you wisdom and self-control. I pray God will save your wife and children. I pray you will all go to church. God has a wonderful life for you here on earth and an even more wonderful life waiting for all in heaven – if you will just believe in Jesus.
|
|