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marriage is hard
I've been married for 1 year and find it so hard. I love my husband more than life itself, but lately I've been wondering where I went wrong. A few months ago I decided to call an ex-boyfriend and not only did I not tell my husband I also lied to him when he confronted me. I thought if I lied I wouldn't hurt his feelings. I wasn't calling this ex to cheat or to start anything, I just wanted to know how he was doing. I know deep down it must have been wrong because I didn't tell anyone I was doing this. After I talked to him, it felt good to know that he's ok and that he didn't hate me anymore for breaking up with him. After we got through our first conversation it was almost like we were friends. He told me about his new girlfriend and we just talked. It made me feel good, but I know I wasn't thinking of my husbands feelings. Now that I look back on it, it kills me to know how badly I hurt my husband. I don't know why i lied, I mean I know why I lied, but I don't know why i didn't feel strong enough to tell my husband. I'm confused and hurt and sad and I have a lot more emotions running through me and now I'm afraid my husband will leave me and I don't know how to handle this. I want to do the right thing, but I don't know what that is, I don't know how or if I ever could make this better.
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