|
my love
Your smile could make me deliriously happy or crazy with anger, much quicker than anyone I'd ever known. When you smiled everything else disappeared and I could not help but watch in to your sexy eyes and smile back. You had and still have a million smiles, but there was one in particular that used to send shivers up my spin, I could even hear it in your voice across the phone from miles away. It was a playful and knowing and mischievous, cynical, sincere but yet mysterious and a thousand of other things all at once. That smile made me laugh when I was hurt and forgive you when I was angry, and believe you when I know well you were lying. That smile and those looks made me fall helplessly in love with you and that was the last thing I wanted to do. When I made you smile I felt beautiful both inside and out. Cause just knowing that I made the one I love smile said a whole lot.
You were the first guy I really fell head over heels for and believe it or not but im still falling. There are times when you hold me and my head is resting gently on your shoulder, I feel that you could hear my deepest and darkness thoughts, cause for some reason you always know exactly what I need to hear.
From the first time we touched and I can remember the exact place and time, you dominated my thoughts. I would try to concentrate on school, church, my family and my friends, but it was no use. I would tell myself over and over that you weren’t the kind of guy I needed in my life, you see you were the popular type that girls always liked and still like, and I guess I was a little insecure, who am I trying to fool I was a whole lot insecure. So I guess I didn't wanted to get hurt, but with each passing day you became like a drug cause I only wanted you more and more and we had not even done anything as yet. You were always so sweet and understanding and I used to wonder how could you possibly love someone like me when I don't even know if I love me.
Sometimes when im near you I tremble the first time we did you know what it felt really good and it still does and now when you're inside me I tremble a whole lot. Then you would put your hand around me and I would relax and feel safe and secure. My instincts were always in constant conflict. Trust him, don't trust him, kiss him, don't kiss him, call him, no don't call him, tell him how I feel, no it will scare him off but probably that might be the best thing after all. No I guess it would not have been. You see what I have to deal with.
You were always like a jigsaw puzzle to me, for some reason I could never figure you out. If you were scared or insecure I only saw it once or twice like the rest of your emotions, I could never tell how you felt or what you were thinking. And that used to drive me mad but eventually I learned to deal with it or did I? Sometimes I would stare in your eyes and wonder if you knew how much control you have over me. If you knew would you tell me?
Babes I love you so much that sometimes it scares me cause I feel that if I give you all of my love if you would hurt me and all of these wonderful feelings would disappear cause I know that I could never love anyone as much as I love you now and I know in future this love would grow even bigger and that terrifies me a lot. But then I think if it is meant to be it would be cause I really don't know what I would do if God took you away from me. So all I have to do is be patient and wait to see if this relationship would last forever. So here is all of my love and trust, hope and dreams do what you will with it. Just know that your the only one for me cause you've changed me in a way that no one could and I'll always love you for that.
|
|