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Coaching Log 1/9/2006
Marital Status: Married
Gender: Female
Your Age: 20
Age Of Your Spouse: 28
Would you like to learn how to become a Christian? I am a Christian
Is your spouse a Christian? Yes
How many times a month do you go to church? 0
How many years have you been married? 2.
Do you have children? Yes.
How many children living at home? 2.
Is your spouse unfair to you? Yes.
Are you unfair to your spouse? Yes.
Does your spouse think you are unfair to them? Yes.
Do you feel angry with your spouse? Yes
Do you feel your spouse is angry with you? Yes
What percent of your time together with your spouse is spent arguing?
30 percent
Do you like being married? Yes
Do you wish you were single again? No
Do you want to stay married? Yes
Would you ever divorce your spouse? No
Would your spouse ever divorce you? I Don't Know
MarriageRomance.com may publish all or parts of this coaching session: Yes
Please describe your situation and problem:
my husband drinks too much and it bothers me we talk about it all the time
but nothing changes i clean the house and because he works he thinks he
doesnt have to pick up after himself.
im constantly complaining because i feel like i dont get enough help or
support around hee and he just gets mad if i wake him up or ask him to get
off the computer and visit me.
i need more help with the kids and he doesnt bother unless its conveinent
for him.
i just need help communicating with him and helping him understand where im
coming from. we both love eachother very much. i just want us to work.
Editors Response:
Thank you for contacting MarriageRomance.com for coaching. I will try and
encourage you and give you Godly advice. I read your description of your
problem and want to help you.
You said your husband drinks too much. You said you are constantly
complaining. You said you love each other and you want your marriage to
work. You also mentioned that he does not pick up after himself and he is
on the computer too much.
You have two children living at home. I know it is difficult to take care
of two children and clean the house and cook. It would be nice if your
husband would help you.
Ask your husband if he would rather you work and he stay home and he cook
and he take care of the children. Maybe he will be more willing to help you
more, if he thinks about having to do all that work himself.
I know one woman who had two kids and she was finished all her housework by
10 am every day. She kept her home spotless and she spent most of her day
volunteering at the local Crisis Pregnancy Center. But she did not have
time to watch TV, surf the internet, talk on the phone much, and read books.
She worked very hard and fast and got her work done in the morning.
Not everyone is as efficient as she was, but if you budget your time wisely
you might be able to have all your housework done and supper ready before
you husband gets home and be able to eat when he walks in the door and then
be done with the dishes within an hour of when he gets home and then you
would be able to spend the evening with your husband and the kids.
Now that may be unrealistic but if you are spending time watching TV or
reading books or on the internet or talking on the phone a lot during the
day, or doing something else besides working on your home chores, you might
consider giving them up for the sake of your family.
Here are the two main reasons, besides being lazy, that husbands do not help
their wives. The first is that they think their wife is lazy and the second
reason is that their wife complains excessively.
You can do your part to help your husband be more willing to help you by
making sure you work diligently during the day and you do not complain to
your husband.
If your husband feels you are doing a great job and that you are not a
complainer, and you are cheerful he is more likely to drink less and
volunteer to help you.
A good marriage only happens when a husband and wife are both serious about
making each other happy.
Without a personal relationship with God many people lack the motivation to
really love each other. Unfortunately we are all naturally selfish by
nature. And two selfish people usually don't get along after the honeymoon.
But God can help selfish people. God wants to change people's hearts and
teach them to love Him and love each other. But first a person needs to
admit that he or she is selfish. The Bible calls selfishness sin.
Once we admit to God that we are selfish, and ask God to help us, God will
help us.
But first, lets back up to the beginning of the earth. When God created the
earth, He also created the first husband and wife. The first husband was
Adam and the first wife was Eve. Adam and Eve lived in the Garden of Eden.
The Garden of Eden was a beautiful place where they walked and talked with
God every day. The Garden of Eden had lots of fruits to eat. God said they
could eat all the fruits except the fruit from one tree. God warned them
that if they disobeyed Him they would die. Adam and Eve disobeyed God and
ate the fruit. Because they disobeyed God, God had to kick them out of the
Garden of Eden and had to send them to hell when they died. But God likes
the humans that he made and God wants to be our friend and walk and talk
with us. So God arranged for His Son Jesus Christ to come down to earth and
be born a baby and grow up and never sin so that Jesus could die in our
place and take the punishment for our sins. Jesus came and died for our
sins and so now, anyone who believes this true story gets to begin a new
relationship with God and walk and talk to God and go to heaven when they
die.
If you and your husband will believe this true story from the Bible, you
will both be saved. And God promises when you get saved his Holy Spirit
will be a comfort to you in times of trouble. As you read your Bible and
pray and go to church God the Holy Spirit will reshape your minds and make
you less selfish and more loving towards each other.
So I would encourage you and your husband to accept Jesus as your Savior and
then I would encourage your husband to begin helping you more and spending
more time with you and the kids.
Both you and your husband should try to stop complaining and criticizing
each other. God can help you both stop yelling and complaining but it will
be much easier to change if you both first recognize how believing in God
can help you be more serious about each other. Until people recognize they
have a need for God, they usually stay selfish.
I pray God will help you in your marriage. I pray God will change your
husband so he will be serious about his marriage to you and stop being so
selfish. I pray you will be diligent during the day and that you will be
able to stay focused on the important things so you can get your work done
efficiently. I pray you both will have time to give your kids the love they
need. And I pray you and your husband will both discover God's love in time
for you to share God's love with your kids. So often parents don't discover
God's love until their kids are already grown up and they look back and see
a missed opportunity with their kids.
God Bless you
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