|
Coaching Log 1/21/2006
Marital Status: Married
Gender: Male
Your Age: 47
Age Of Your Spouse: 46
Would you like to learn how to become a Christian? I am a Christian
Is your spouse a Christian? Yes
How many times a month do you go to church? 4
How many years have you been married? 3.
Do you have children? No.
How many children living at home? 1.
Is your spouse unfair to you? Yes.
Are you unfair to your spouse? Yes.
Does your spouse think you are unfair to them? .
Do you feel angry with your spouse? Yes
Do you feel your spouse is angry with you? Yes
What percent of your time together with your spouse is spent arguing?
50 percent
Do you like being married? Yes
Do you wish you were single again? No
Do you want to stay married? Yes
Would you ever divorce your spouse? No
Would your spouse ever divorce you? I Don't Know
MarriageRomance.com may publish all or parts of this coaching session: Yes
Please describe your situation and problem:
My wife and I were pretty happy in our last apartment she took on a job managing the apartment complex our life dramatically changed it was like the job took my place total alienation no romance no attention nothing for over one month then for no reason they let her go she slipped into a depressive stage then our problems began.
Again she talked to me for the first time last night about her feelings it seems she still loves her ex husband and me I'm afraid she is about to leave me I love her so much.
I'm very depressed I have even had thoughts of suicide I don't think I could live without her I know God does not forgive suicide and that I think keeps me from it so far
please help me if you can I really don't know what to do
Editors Response:
Thank you for contacting MarriageRomance.com for coaching. I will try and encourage you and give you Godly advice.
I read your marriage situation and want you to know that while your wife is not loving you the way she should, that God loves you very much. And you are very valuable to God and to many others.
God gives us the guidelines for living in the Bible to protect ourselves and to protect others from unnecessary pain and hurt. God wants all people to be happy and in a loving relationship with each other and with God.
In your situation your wife was previously married. God instructs married people to stay married and not get divorced. God feels so strongly against divorce that God says that if someone divorces their spouse and remarried that they are committing adultery with their new spouse. God knows that emotions can play tricks on people. God knows that the new spouse could get hurt if their spouse begins to have feelings for their old spouse. This happens often. I have heard that 85 percent of people who get divorced and remarry wish they had stayed in their first marriage. So God knows that when you divorce and remarry, that the new marriage will have a high chance of pain and hurt. It is no wonder that God hates divorce so much. Because God knows that divorce brings pain not only for the new marriage but especially if there are any children involved.
So please don't take it personally that your wife is having feelings for her first husband. It is not worth committing suicide over. There are thousands of women who would love to have a husband who is loving and devoted to them and to God.
I don't know the circumstances of your wife's first divorce. She may have had Biblical grounds for divorce. Even so, it is not uncommon for a rejected spouse to wish their spouse would accept them again. My wife was abandoned by her first husband and I still wonder on occasion if she ever has feelings for him. She reassures me she doesn't, which helps me feel secure in her love.
You have to put your trust in God. You can live without her if you are walking with God. If your purpose for living is to glorify God and love God and others the way Jesus loved you and gave His life for you, then it is not a difficult task to see that your wife is emotionally confused and decide that you will rise up to the occasion and be her spiritual strength in her time of need and love her unconditionally and recognize that if she leaves you God will give you someone else who can love you deeper and better than she could because her heart was still with her first husband.
I would encourage you to forgive her and trust God with your marriage. You have been married 3 years and you have 1 child living at home. Spend time teaching your child spiritual truths from the Bible and spend time in the Word reading your Bible and praying and spend time in fellowship with others at church. God will bless you if you seek His will for your life. Faith is believing that God will reward those who diligently seek him. And faith comes by hearing and reading the word of God. Try reading through the New Testament in your spare time - it is incredible.
Spend time with your wife too. Maybe she just needs your love and affection and your time and attention. Spend time with her and your child and do things together like having devotions and playing games together. Be willing to trust God with the outcome of what happens. I know it is very difficult to be happy with a wife who is having doubts about her marriage with you.
She needs to realize that she is married to you now and God expects her to stay married to you. She is hurting you when she thinks about the past and wishes she could reunite with her ex husband. She needs to stick with her commitment to you. You might see if she would be willing to speak with a Pastor about the emotions she is having. The Pastor should counsel her to stick with the commitment she has made to you in marriage. This is Biblical.
See if she will go with you to counseling at your church. This could help her get her emotions in line with what God wants them to be - which is to continue with her current marriage commitment to her current husband - you.
I pray God will change her emotions so that she will forget about her past husband and love only you. I pray that both of you will be committed to loving each other and loving God with all your hearts and loving others too. I pray you will both seek God's will in your life and be ministers of God's love to those around you and to the world.
But whatever you do, don't commit suicide. You have way too much potential in life to serve God and be a blessing in the lives of your family and others, to quit now. Please don't quit, God can help you through. God can turn bad into good if you will be faithful to loving Him, seeking His will for your life and loving others around you.
Please write back if you are still having feelings of suicide or if you want to dialog some more.
God Bless
|
|