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Making a Sexual Memory
My husband and I help to teach premarital counseling for engaged couples at our church. The topic we talk to the couples about is intimacy in marriage. We encourage couples to realize that intimacy in marriage is a beautiful gift from God. When we picture in our mind the love of our life that God has given us and special times together it brings a delight to our hearts. Just as God made us to keep wonderful picture memories in our mind of those we love and special times together, we also encourage married couples to begin making beautiful sexual memories.
By this I mean very special times where you were intimate in places other than the ordinary or you did things or wore things out of your normal lovemaking routine. Just picture your husband's eyes one night if you sent your kids away for the night to their friend's homes and your husband came home to: candles around the room, romantic music, massage oil, a soft sheepskin in front of the fireplace along with a picnic of wine, cheese, crackers and grapes and you wearing a sheer skimpy negligee. A night like this would give any husband a beautiful sexual memory to picture in his mind when he was fanaticizing about his wife. My husband once told me that not one day has gone by that he hasn't thought about having sex with me. That was very convicting for me because there would be days and days when it would not even cross my mind. But if my husband is going to think about sex, I want him to be thinking and smiling about a memory with me, his bride. As I am writing this to encourage you, I am also writing this to convict me.
In the Song of Solomon God reveals what one marriage sexual encounter and then special sexual memory (for them) looked like. This book of the Bible is a wedding song honoring marriage. The most explicit statements on sex in the Bible can be found here. This couple, Solomon and his bride made love in a garden. He describes very sensually her body and she his. Try reading this book of the Bible together sometime on a date night, or look for The Book of Romance: What Solomon Says about Love, Sex and Intimacy by Tommy Nelson. His tape series is awesome too.
When God created sex and intimacy He created them to be holy and good when enjoyed within marriage. God wants sex to be motivated by love and commitment, not lust. It is for mutual pleasure, not selfish enjoyment. A husband and wife honor God when they love and enjoy each other. Are we as wives withholding ourselves from our husbands? Do we let our husbands see our bodies and enjoy them? Are we causing our husbands to look elsewhere or go to bed frustrated night after night instead of enjoying the gift God has already given him, his spouse? Is what you have now what you imagined or wanted your marriage love life to be like? Wouldn't you love for your husband to cherish you? Wouldn't you love for your husband to be so excited to spend an evening with you that he dreamed and longed for it to come quickly because of the hints or notes you had given him.
God wants a woman to give herself unconditionally to her bridegroom and him to her as well.
1 Corinthians 7:3-5 (New American Standard Bible) 3 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
The sexual union in marriage is a wonderful way to show your love to your spouse. When wives take the initiative and plan special intimate dates and step out of their comfort zones to be the initiator this shows our husband how much we desire him. A wife's desire for him sexually is one thing every husband craves along with his wife's respect. Ask your husband just how important this is to him?
Our love for our husband makes him appear beautiful to us. As you look at your spouse don't just look for physical attractiveness. Look also for the inner qualities that don't fade with time- spiritual commitment, integrity, sensitivity, and sincerity.
Make a commitment today to begin planning and initiating a monthly, semi-annually, or yearly special sexual memory making date. Don't wait! This could be a lot of fun for you both and just be something that could bring the sparkle in your husband's eye when he smiles at you from across a crowded room.
Suggestions or ideas to help your imagination begin to dream of where this might lead:
1. Take blankets and pillows outside to watch the stars at night on a trampoline or in the grass
2. Go away to a cabin heated only by a fireplace; pull a mattress up next to the fire
3. Find a secluded spot out by a lake; have a picnic at night under the moonlight
4. Wear a Mrs. Santa Claus negligee and cap while stuffing the stockings
5. While hiking in a secluded spot, stop where you are and passionately kiss your husband
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