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Coaching Log 2/18/2006
Marital Status: Married
Gender: Male
Your Age: 42
Age Of Your Spouse: 48
Would you like to learn how to become a Christian? I am a Christian
Is your spouse a Christian? Yes
How many times a month do you go to church?
How many years have you been married? 4.5.
Do you have children? Yes.
How many children living at home? 3.
Is your spouse unfair to you? No.
Are you unfair to your spouse? Yes.
Does your spouse think you are unfair to them? Yes.
Do you feel angry with your spouse? No
Do you feel your spouse is angry with you? No
What percent of your time together with your spouse is spent arguing?
Never
Do you like being married? Yes
Do you wish you were single again? No
Do you want to stay married? Yes
Would you ever divorce your spouse? No
Would your spouse ever divorce you? I Don't Know
MarriageRomance.com may publish all or parts of this coaching session: Yes
Please describe your situation and problem:
The problem is with me, after talking to my Dr. and doing some research I
have come to the conclusion that I am and have been in a depression for a
long time. This depression has put a wedge beetwen my Wife and me in the
sencse that I dont show much emotion happy or sad but I do get frustrated
and act out verbally with no intention to hurt feelings but more times than
not I do! Now my wife wants a separation I'm heart broken and dont Know what to do! in the past week donna has avoided me in a civil way and I miss her so
much!!! I have fasted and prayed and today I really think God showed me,
That the way I feel now ,is the way Donna feels on a regular basis. please
tell me what my next move should be.
Thank you
Coaches Response:
Thank you for contacting MarriageRomance.com for coaching. I will try and encourage you and give you Godly advice.
It is good that you have recognized how the way you act influences your wife. It isn't entirely bad that your wife has wanted to separate, if the end result is that it changes your perspective on life so that you are happy just to have her as your wife and so you are able to stop being depressed for whatever other reasons.
Have you thought about why you have been in a depression? Usually it is because of a work related issue or because you may have not achieved some goal in your life, or maybe because a loss of a loved one in your family.
Of course it is not right for your wife to leave you just because you are depressed, but if separating has helped you to come out of your depression and she is willing to come back and you both end up happy together, then maybe it wasn't so bad after all.
Your comment about how God has showed you that the way you are feeling, is the way your wife has felt on a regular basis, shows you really care about her and shows you probably will be happier with her when you get back together.
It seems your next move is to communicate to your wife what you have told me. Tell her how you feel differently now and you recognize she is your best friend and you want to share your ups and downs with her and allow her to help you through the trials and problems in your life. Explain to her that she gives you a real high, just knowing she loves you and knowing she will always be there to listen to you when you are up and encourage you and comfort you when you are down.
Again, think about why you have been depressed and focus on solving that problem. If it is because you have not obtained some goal in your life, then let go of the goal. God wants us to be "content with what we have". God wants us to be happy and not be depressed about something we don't control over, or when we don't have or something that we lost, or missed out on.
Try and figure out what you've been depressed about. If it is related to intimacy, because you feel you are not meeting your wife's needs or she is not meeting yours, then try be honest with her and see if you can both agree on ways to spice your love life up together.
If the depression has come because you and your wife have had arguments in the past and you disagree on things, then try and each make a list of things you disagree on and begin to work on the list to agree on things. The Bible teaches that for a husband and wife to have a happy marriage, they need to agree on everything. This is why compromise is so important in a marriage. The husband and wife should love each other to be willing to compromise on things and still love each other.
I hope you both are going to church regularly and reading your Bible regularly and praying together regularly. "Those that pray together, stay together."
I hope you both will get in a small group Bible study at your church. This can be a good way to meet Christian friends who care about you and will encourage you as a couple.
I pray God will bless your marriage!
Sincerely,
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