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Coaching Log 2/22/2006
Marital Status: Married
Gender: Male
Your Age: 49
Age Of Your Spouse: 43
Would you like to learn how to become a Christian? I am a Christian
Is your spouse a Christian? Yes
How many times a month do you go to church? 4
How many years have you been married? 18.
Do you have children? Yes.
How many children living at home? 3.
Is your spouse unfair to you? Yes.
Are you unfair to your spouse? Yes.
Does your spouse think you are unfair to them? No.
Do you feel angry with your spouse? Yes
Do you feel your spouse is angry with you? Yes
What percent of your time together with your spouse is spent arguing?
10 percent
Do you like being married? Yes
Do you wish you were single again? No
Do you want to stay married? Yes
Would you ever divorce your spouse? No
Would your spouse ever divorce you? I Don't Know
MarriageRomance.com may publish all or parts of this coaching session: Yes
Please describe your situation and problem:
Prior to marriage my wife slept with a number of men in college and
eventually had an abortion. she says she shouldn't have to appologize to me
for something she did before she ever knew me.
Is she right? I find this curious at best. What does this say about her?
How do I respond to this as I am a little uncomfortable in her position?
Thanks
Coaches Response:
Thank you for contacting MarriageRomance.com for priority coaching. I am not a trained counselor, but rather a concerned brother in Christ. I will try to encourage you and give you Godly advice.
You mentioned your wife slept with other men in college and had an abortion and that she feels she shouldn't have to apologize to you for something she did before she married you.
Did you know she had done these things before you married her?
In my opinion a Christian young man or young woman keeps himself or herself pure for two reasons. One reason is in obedience to God and the other reason is for her or his future spouse so that issues like this one you are having will not exist. If she had kept herself pure then you would feel much better about her and not be having these possible feelings of wanting her to apologize to you.
So in my opinion she should have told you way before she married you what she had done and she should have been sorry for doing them and should have been hoping that you would not hold them against her and so that you would not hold them against her she would naturally have asked you to forgive her for the things she had done.
Now that you have been married for 18 years, it seems like this issue would have been forgiven and forgotten by now – unless you just found out about it recently. In that case I would think she would be very willing to ask you for forgiveness.
It was Jewish custom to be able to divorce your spouse if you found out on your wedding night that she wasn't a virgin. Many Bible scholars believe this was the only justification Jesus gave for divorce. They believe Jesus did not say you could divorce for adultery, but only in case of “fornication”, which is sex before marriage.
I would encourage you to forgive your wife and look beyond this issue and see why it is that you are bringing it up now? Are there some other issues going on between you and your wife?
I pray you both will be forgiving of each other and I pray God will bless your marriage.
And please let me know if you subscribe to the site and would like a free year of subscription. Please just send me your subscriber id.
God Bless
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