A question

A young couple have been married for two years. They love each other but her bossiness is putting a strain on their relationship. Most weekends end in arguments, partly because she tries to manipulate him into doing what she wants. He is totally unsure of how to handle this capable woman who has come into his life. Often he takes refuge in walking out the door, leaving her feeling frustrated and angry and him humiliated but unsure of what to do.

One day he talks to a colleague at work who tells him he ought to 'be the man in his house' and take his wife in hand and spank her. So next time there's an argument, instead of retreating, he grabs her and, despite her protests, he puts her over his knee and spanks her until she promises to be less bossy.

The question: is the husband within his rights to do this as head of the home or do his actions go beyond the bounds of reasonable authority? Are women looking for men to assert themselves or should they have found another way of resolving things?

Editors Note:

My opinion as a Christian husband is that a husband has no right to spank his wife unless she asks or wants him to.  Marriage is not that kind of relationship.  Husband and wife are equal in God's eyes and yet the husband should be the spiritual leader.  In practice the husband and wife share the leadership in the home, with the man being the one who makes sure things are within God's moral will.  

Proverbs talks about a bossy wife.  There are several verses that say something like, "it is better to live in the attic or in the desert then to live with a bossy wife."   I'm sure living with a bossy husband is just as bad.

I would make sure you are not trying to be a bossy husband.  If you are being loving and kind to your wife and she still is bossy to you and disrespectful to you … hmmm  I'm not sure what to do, except pray for her a lot.

She will mellow out with time if you continue to not argue with her and not criticize her and show her unconditionally God's love.  One way to do this is to look at her from God's eyes.  What does God see when He sees her.  Why is she this way?  What is she trying to prove?  Is she just very happy and wanting to take control of life and help her kids and family?  Or is she trying to anger her husband by defying him?  Or is she trying to prove to her husband that she is worthy and capable?  Was she raised in a home where her parents were very bossy?

God cares about her heart.  Try and look into her heart and study her.  You may see what she acts the way she does and you then may be able to help her resolve her inner conflicts so that she doesn't have to be bossy anymore.  You may be able to help her see that she can be loving to those around her - she doesn't have to be bossy.

Hopefully other subscribers will give you some ideas and opinions too.  God Bless.

Comments From Readers

A reader says ... This is a good example of why Paul tells the wife first to 'submit to' (ie co-operate with) with her husband. Unless she realises the Biblical order then it is very difficult for a loving husband to lead her. Women are spiritually very powerful creatures and this can be extremely difficult unless they willingly submit their power to their husband. But this (as is every form of Christian submission) a voluntary thing. Even God doesn't make us submit to Him. Spanking is, of course, treating her like a child, and this is out of order, although we all probably know of women who we think might need one! But we also know men who need a crack round the head to make them realise their responsibility to love their wives!