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Desire For Your Spouse Is Not Sinful Desire
Our goal in a Christian marriage is to live our live to love God. And we show God we love Him when we love others.
When we study the life of the New Testament church we see that they thought Christ was coming back during their lifetime.
In 1 Corinthians 7 verses 29 to 31, Paul says, “What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.”
Paul says because the time is short, live your live as if you don't have a wife, and don't get engrossed in the things of the world, for the present world is passing away.
Because Paul thinks Christ is coming back so soon, Paul goes on to say in the next verse that it is better to not get married. In 1 Corinthians 7 verses 32 to 35, Paul says, “I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.”
All the letters in the New Testament exhort Christians to be focused on furthering Christ's Kingdom and not focused on worldly things.
In Matthew 24 verse 34 Jesus had said, “I tell you the truth, this generation will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened.”
And so because they thought the world was going to end before “this generation passed away”, even marriage was considered a worldly thing because it divided your devotion to God.
And yet Paul did not think this way all the time as we can see in 2 Thessalonians 3 verses 7 to 10, where he says, “For you yourselves know how you ought to follow our example. We were not idle when we were with you, nor did we eat anyone's food without paying for it. On the contrary, we worked night and day, laboring and toiling so that we would not be a burden to any of you. We did this, not because we do not have the right to such help, but in order to make ourselves a model for you to follow. For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: "If a man will not work, he shall not eat."
Paul instructs Christians to get a job and work. Possibly many had quit their jobs thinking that Christ was coming back sooner than they had expected.
Again in 1 Thessalonians 4, verses 11 and 12, Paul instructs Christians to work and live a normal life when he says, “Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.”
And so today it is acceptable to be married. In fact most churches will not hire a Pastor unless he is married. This is because we all are well aware that single folks are more likely to fall into sexual temptation. Paul mentions this in 1 Corinthians 7:9 where he says, “But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
Assuming it is ok to get married, then Paul instructs husbands and wives to have sex regularly so that they do not fall into temptation. In 1 Corinthians 7:5 , Paul says, “Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
And In Proverbs 5:18, Solomon says, “May your fountain be blessed,
and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.” And in the book of Song Of Solomon we know romance and intimacy is condoned within marriage and is a noble, pure and holy activity for a married couple.
So on the one hand we should live our lives in a state of urgency to tell others about Christ and be a good example, on the other hand we should slow down and get a job and work and live a quite life and enjoy our spouse.
So how much can we enjoy life and enjoy our spouse? Is enjoying life more spiritual than enjoying sex with our spouse? Is it more spiritual to go on a hunting trip with your buddies or for a wife to go on a trip alone with her sisters or the girls at church, or would it be more spiritual for a husband and wife to go to some secluded beach alone and run around naked?
Your answer will depend on your definition of sin.
In 1 Peter 4 verses 1 to 3, Peter says, “Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin. As a result, he does not live the rest of his earthly life for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God. For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do—living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry.”
Peter says we should not live our life for “evil human desires but rather for the will of God.” Notice that sex in marriage is not an “evil human desire”, it is a God ordained desire. Remember Paul instructs married couples that they should have a good regular sex life. And since sex is a very emotional event in marriage it takes nurturing the relationship and it takes time and attention to keep the flames of romance burning.
It is important to note that we can find verses in the Bible to condemn all friendship with the world. For example, James in James 4 verse 4 says, “You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.”
And Paul in Romans 12:2 says, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
So all entertainment, all enjoyment of food, all living to be comfortable, all materialism, all living for the American dream, for the nice home, the nice car, the “chicken in every pot” can be considered love of the world.
But I think we should take a more balanced approach than this. I believe that the things of the world are tools that God has given us to help us better serve him. And it is ok to gratify our flesh to the point that it helps our needs be met so that we can better serve God.
Our attitude and what we do to serve God and others is more important than what we don't do. For example we should be helping others. As James says in James 1:27, “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”
What does “keep from being polluted by the world” mean?
In Titus 2:11-13 it says, “For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ …”
When it says, say “No to ungodliness and worldly passions”, the key is ungodly and worldly. Things like sex outside of marriage are ungodly, things like sports, hunting, reading novels, and movies and TV and the going to the grand canyon are of the world, unless they help us better serve God or others. So taking a vacation is justified because it provides bonding with our kids. And playing games with our kids is also justifiable because it creates bonding with them. Likewise it is justifiable to do romantic and sexy things with your spouse to increase bonding with them.
It is when we do worldly things solely for our own personal pleasure that they may not help us further God's Kingdom. So when a husband goes hunting or a wife goes off with her girl friends for the weekend or when we buy things we don't need or we are obsessed with sports; these activities are difficult to justify in God's model of “not being worldly.” You might say that worldliness is selfishness. God doesn't want us to be selfish.
On the other hand, God doesn't want us to live by a set of rules. In Colossians 2: 20 to 23, Paul says, “Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules: "Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!"? These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.”
In this case the word “world” means “law” or “rules”. And Paul says Christ freed is from the Old Testament laws and now we live under Grace and so since we have been freed from having to keep the rules of the law, why do we make up new rules and put ourselves under new rules? Paul says rules do not help in “restraining sensual indulgence”. Rules don't work. Instead of rules, God wants to change our attitudes, our perspective on life our goals in life. God wants us to love Him and show Him we love him by loving others.
To get over the law, we need to always remember that the kind of living God condemns in the Bible is sin – not loveyou're your spouse. In Ephesians 2 verse 3 Paul says, “All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts.”
But remember it is not sinful to love your spouse and to have sexual desire for your spouse. The sin Paul refers to is adultery, gluttony, stealing, gossiping, jealousy, etc. Paul is not condemning having sexual desire for your spouse.
We are God's hands, we are God's feet, we are God's mouth. In 2 Corinthians 5 verses 18 to 20, Paul says, “All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us.”
We are God's ambassadors to the world. Our message is that God wants to reconcile the world to himself and not count men's sins against them - if they will only believe in Jesus.
In remember poll that came out years ago where they asked people who they would rather live next door to – a convicted felon or an Evangelical Christian. The majority of those surveyed said they would rather live next door to a convicted felon rather than by an Evangelical Christian.
Peter in I peter 11 and 12 said, “Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.”
I think as Christians we emphasis the “abstain from sinful desires” so much that we deny our flesh so much that we end up unhappy and we end up complainers and judgmental of everyone around us so that the world does not like us. Instead we should enjoy the freedom we have to feed our flesh to the extent that it helps us serve God and others better and we should focus on doing “good deeds” so that the world may see our “good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.”
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