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what do i do
Question:
Me and my husband have become married and now it seems like he doesn’t care anymore. I try to please him but nothing is good enough for him all he does is complain and try to make me feel worthless I don’t believe in divorce but everyday I wake up feeling misery. I don’t want to leave him but I don’t know what else to do. I feel I am giving him all my love and I am not getting anything back. He won’t listen or try to work things out and I am at the end of my rope.
Answer:
What may be happening in your marriage is that your husband is going through a period of depression in his life. When a young couple marry, the first several months are like living in heaven. Sometimes, after several months or maybe even several years, the honeymoon and newness of marriage wears off and sometimes there is debt to pay, or things at work are not going well or maybe sickness or maybe the husband and wife don’t live up to each others expectations, and so one or both of the married couple begin to sink into a state of depression.
This is where a good relationship with God can really help a marriage. Please let me tell you a beautiful true love story.
In the beginning God made the world and God made the first two human beings. Adam was the first man and Eve was his wife.
And God placed Adam and Eve in a beautiful garden with lots of fruit trees and plenty of food to eat. Adam and Eve were naked and they loved living in the garden. God would come to the garden often and walk with them in the garden.
Adam and Eve had a good relationship with God. They loved God, they talked and they walked with God often. God liked this. God liked having a relationship with the humans He created.
But God told Adam and Eve to not eat the fruit from one tree in the garden. The tree was in the middle of the garden. At first Adam and Eve had no problems obeying God because life was so new and they loved seeing and being with each other and with God.
But after some time the devil began talking with Adam and Eve too. The devil began trying to trick Adam and Eve into disobeying God, by telling them they would be like God if they would eat the forbidden fruit. And so Eve and then Adam ate the forbidden fruit, and disobeyed God.
Since God is perfect, God can not allow imperfect human beings into his presence. So God had to put Adam and Eve out of the garden and God had to stop talking and walking with Adam and Eve.
By God’s own rules, the only way that Adam and Eve, or even you or I could ever again walk and talk with God and have a relationship with God, would be for someone to pay for theirs and our disobedience. In the Bible when we disobey God, it is called sin.
Eventually, several thousand years later, God sent His Son Jesus who came to earth, and Jesus lived a perfect life, and then Jesus died for our disobedience or our sins.
The Bible teaches us that if we will believe that Jesus died for our sins, we can begin talking and walking with God and our spirit will never die. When our body dies, we will go to heaven and be with God.
Now how does all this relate to a marriage where your husband is sinking into depression? Well, folks sink into depression because they feel something in life is not going right or because they have nothing to live for – they are bored. And God has put in all of us a desire to know Him, know God. When we do not know God we feel lost.
God wants to have a relationship with you and your husband. God wants you and your husband to talk to God and walk with God, like Adam and Eve did in the garden. When you have a relationship with God, you can be at peace even if you not in a beautiful garden, even if you are going through difficult times.
But God does not just want to walk and talk with us. God wants us to be his hands and his mouth and his feet. God wants us to show those around us His love. This is the way that God works the most today. God works the most today, through the hands and mouths of others.
God could supernaturally come down and talk to your husband, like God talked to Adam and Eve. But God does not seem to work that way today. Instead God speaks through the Bible and through Christians (Matthew 25:36).
God wants to cheer up your husband and help him not be depressed. God wants you and your husband to talk and walk with Him. You can do this by believing that Jesus is God’s Son and that Jesus died to pay for your sins, and then by asking Jesus to forgive you for your past sins.
Once you and your husband have begun a relationship with God, by asking Jesus to forgive you for your sins, then you can talk to God during each day. And God will talk to you each day if you will read the New Testament.
Once you have believed in Jesus, you can encourage your husband and show him unconditional love – God’s love. You can draw strength from God to help you continue to love your husband during times when your husband is depressed.
And if your husband will believe in Jesus too, your husband will become thankful to God for what he has, and your husband will be better able to trust God that God will work out the problems in his life, and your husband need not be depressed any more.
As your husband studies what Jesus said in the New Testament, your husband will see that no matter what happens, as long as we trust God, things will be ok. Because even if we die, we will go to heaven where things are much more beautiful and much better than here on earth.
You can show your husband God’s love, knowing that God loves your husband and God wants your husband to make it through this difficult time in your husbands life. If you are cheerful and optimistic because you are trusting God, this will help your husband to be optimistic and cheerful too.
Whatever you do, please don’t give up on your husband. He just needs your love and encouragement. But having a relationship with God, by believing in Jesus, can help you go through live easier, because you can talk to God during the day and God can encourage you by sending His Holy Spirit to comfort you.
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