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Do Moral Erotic Videos In The Marriage Bed Lead To Addiction?
Question:
If a devoted Christian married couple uses moral erotic videos in their marriage bed to help increase passion in their marriage will they become addicted to porn?
Answer:
Before we answer this question please let's think about what a devoted Christian is, and think about how a devoted Christian married couple should live.
A devoted Christian married couple is saved from hell because they have faith and believe that Jesus died for their sins. Christians are called to good works and are called to obey Gods laws.
God's laws are not burdensome. Jesus said in Matthew 11:30, “For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." A “yoke” was a list of laws you needed to keep. Jesus was saying that his list of rules was not a very hard list.
In Matthew 19:19 Jesus lists the laws we should keep, when he says, “Jesus replied, " 'Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, honor your father and mother,' and 'love your neighbor as yourself.' "
A devoted Christian married couple should ask themselves the following question before they do anything in life. The question is, “Will this help me better serve God or better serve others?”
Part of serving others is maintaining a good relationship with each other.
The apostle Paul taught that married couples should have sex regularly. In 1 Corinthians 7:5, Paul says, “Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
Let's assume for a moment that Paul is right, and that a married couple would actually have a better marriage if they had sex regularly.
But we all know that unless you enjoy sex with your spouse, it can have a negative effect and you can end up resenting having sex with your spouse. So lets assume that the apostle Paul was aware of this and so he meant, “have sex and enjoy sex”, when he said to “have sex' regularly.
Lets imagine that God revealed to the apostle Paul, that when a married couple does have sex and enjoy it regularly, they forgive each other easier, they are happier with their spouse and they have a stronger marriage.
And again, lets assume that maybe the apostle Paul was right when he said that if a married couple does not have sex regularly, they cause their spouse to be tempted to commit adultery.
If the apostle Paul is right in all his assumptions, then it seems pretty important to find a way in a marriage to have sex regularly and both enjoy it!
So how can a married couple obey the apostle Paul and have and enjoy sex regularly? After all sex is an emotional event.
Lighting candles in the bedroom sometimes helps set the mood. Sometimes romantic music helps. Sometimes sexy underclothing helps. Sometimes going out to dinner helps. Sometimes taking out the trash helps. Sometimes helping your spouse with chores helps. Going to bed early usually helps. Reading your Bible each day helps. Praying together helps. Not arguing helps. Spending time talking and listening to your spouse helps. There are many Christian books written about these and other ways to help set the mood for a good marriage sex life.
But what if you have tried all those things and you still need help?
Using moral erotic materials in the bedroom can help the husband and wife to forget about the troubles of the day and help them enjoy sex with each other. This way they are fulfilling the instructions of the apostle Paul - which is to have sex regularly and it is implied that they enjoy sex when they have it.
Someone might ask, “So how do moral erotic materials help a husband and wife have more sexual desire for each other?” The answer can be found in observing how stories and movies affect our emotions.
Have you ever watched a movie with danger and experienced fear? If you watch a scary movie like "The Fugitive" you may sweat and experience fear. While fear is an emotion that can lead to the sin of being anxious, no one accuses you of being sinful when you experience fear watching a movie.
Or have you ever watched a movie where someone is being mistreated? You may have experienced anger?
So why do we experience the emotions of the actors in a story or movie? God made us to have compassion for others. We should cry with those who cry and laugh with those who laugh. This part of us, that God has made, enables us to experience the emotions of the actors in a movie or story.
And when we watch a movie or read a story with "sexual activity" we tend to experience the emotions of the actors also. Because “sex” is an emotional event, this causes us to have an increase in the emotion of passion or "sexual desire".
In the same way that watching a movie with danger causes an increase in our emotion of fear, and watching a movie with someone being mistreated causes an increase in our emotion of anger, so also watching a movie or reading a story that contains "sexual activity" tends to cause us to have an increase in the emotion of passion or sexual desire.
This is why, when we read a passionate love story with our spouse, we may both experience an increase in sexual desire.
When a devoted Christian married couple feels they need some spice in their sex life, should they feel free to read a passionate love story from MarriageRomance.com or watch a moral erotic video together in bed and see if it helps them have more passion for each other?
Paul said that beyond the basic list of rules we should keep, such as not murdering, Paul said, “All things are permissible but not all things are profitable.”
So a married couple has the freedom to watch a moral erotic video and see if it helps their marriage. For example it may cause jealousy in the marriage. While jealousy is a result of fear based on a lack of trust in your spouse or it is based on pride; and is not a Christian virtue; still jealousy is difficult for some to overcome and so it should be considered.
And so the devoted Christian married couple will see if it is “profitable” for them to watch moral erotic videos in their marriage.
If the moral erotic video is “profitable” to their marriage then they may use another one in the future. They might watch another moral erotic video again because it helps their marriage. This is not an addiction. This is simply using what works, what is profitable.
Just because a married couple uses moral erotic videos periodically does not mean they are addicted to using them. As an example, if romantic music helps a couple's marriage love life and the married couple uses romantic music often in their love life, you would not say they are addicted to romantic music. No, you would say that romantic music helps them enjoy love with each other. Likewise if a married couple uses moral erotic videos in their marriage they are not addicted to them.
Anything, when it is used repetitively may get old. Variety is the spice of life. And so a married couple may get tired of romantic music and they may get tired of moral erotic videos. It is best to use “moderation in everything”. And so the devoted Christian married couple may find it is best to use moral erotic videos once a year, or once a month, or once every two weeks. If the husband has had a temptation to look at porn in the past, it may help to watch the moral erotic videos once a week to help him not be tempted to look at porn.
If a devoted Christian married couple feels they need help with becoming aroused for each other and they feel using moral erotic videos help their love life, then the videos will not cause them to be “addicted” to porn but rather the videos will help them keep sexual conduct in the marriage bed where it should be and it will help the wife to not become addicted to romance novels and it will help the husband not get addicted to internet porn.
There is something special about the marriage bed. There is something special about when a husband and wife agree to try something in the marriage bed in order to help each other enjoy sex better. Paul makes it clear that a husband and wife should enjoy sex regularly. Sometimes married couples need a little help from outside influences, such as candles, romantic music, a romantic dinner, etc.
Using a moral erotic video to help stimulate arousal in the marriage bed is not sinful. God blesses a husband and wife who care enough about each other to try and maintain a happy, healthy sex life.
I have been told that 80 percent of Christian married men struggle with Internet porn. God can free those married men who are addicted to porn if they will commit to stop looking at porn and instead watch moral erotic videos occasionally with their wife.
So instead of looking at Internet porn, these men could look forward to experiencing super sex with their wife. This is permissible by God and it is profitable if it helps the married couple have a closer relationship and stronger sexual bonds and it frees the husband from the temptation to look at internet porn and frees the wife from the temptation of reading romance novels and watching soap operas.
The ultimate goal of a devoted Christian's marriage is to love God and others. We do this by living a just life and by showing mercy and by telling others about Jesus. Having a good relationship with our spouse is very important and yet most Christians admit they have mediocre sex lives. I remember a friend who was a director for Campus Crusade for Christ saying that only one in ten evangelical Christians have a good sex life.
It is important that devoted Christian married couples feel the freedom in Christ to use moral erotic materials in their marriage. Otherwise they end up resorting to secret addictions to masturbating, looking at porn, soap operas and other things of the world.
And it is also important that Christians not judge those married couples who do use moral erotic materials in their marriage. Because judging others simply condemns those who judge and it causes confusion within the body of Christ.
It is important that Christians distinguish between moral and immoral erotic materials and that they distinguish between erotic materials used outside of marriage and those used inside marriage to help marriages be stronger.
Those Christians who lump all erotic material into the category of "porn" and who lump all use of erotic material into the category of "addiction" are misinformed and may need to rethink their position on the use of moral erotic materials in marriage.
MarriageVideoProductions.com is working with MarriageRomance.com to produce moral erotic videos for married couples.
Until they produce videos the best alternative for a married couple would be to buy videos from Sinclair Institute. They have sex education videos and better sex videos that can be purchased at Drugstore.com. These videos may help married couples who do not find that the marriage love stores at MarriageRomance.com are erotic enough for their marriage.
Someone might ask, "Does the Bible ever record people watching someone else have sex?" The answer is yes. One time God caused people to watch King David's son Absalom have sex with King David's wives and concubines as punishment to King David.
In 2 Samuel 12:11 God said, "I will even take your wives before your eyes and give them to your companion, and he will lie with your wives in broad daylight. "
So why do some Christians think it is sin to use moral erotic materials in the marriage bed?
This doctrine comes from one verse in the Bible. This verse is found in Matthew 5 verses 27 to 28, where Jesus said, "Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: 'But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart."
Notice Jesus refers to the 7th commandment in the Old Testament when he says, "Ye have heard that it was said of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery." In Old Testament law, "adultery" was having sex with a married woman.
While the 7th commandment says you should not commit adultery with a married woman, the 10th commandment says you should not covet a married woman (your neighbors wife).
The Jews may have considered "adultery" a very bad sin, but "coveting" not a very bad sin. Jesus is pointing out that "coveting" a married woman is just as bad as physically committing adultery with a married woman.
Jesus was pointing out that wishing you could commit a physical sin is as bad as committing the physical sin.
Was Jesus saying it is sin to lust after any woman or just married women? Because Jesus begins by referring to the Old Testament law about adultery with a married woman, and then uses the word "adultery", instead of "sexual immorality", it is clear Jesus was referring to lusting after a married woman.
To help explain why Jesus did not say it is sin to lust after an unmarried woman, we need to look back into the Old Testament at the laws on marriage.
Let us think for a moment what the laws of marriage were like back in the Old Testament and even in the days when Jesus walked the earth.
In the Old Testament it was not sin for a married man to have sex with a prostitute or with a concubine or to take another wife. It was only sin to have sex with a virgin, or with a close relative, or with another man's wife. Having sex with another man's wife was called "adultery".
Again, in studying Old Testament law, I could find no laws against husbands having sex with an additional wife, an additional slave, an additional concubine, an additional captured virgin, or with a prostitute. This is why Paul says in 1 Corinthians 6 12 to 17, that "all things are permissible but not all things are profitable." In this passage Paul says it would be permissible for him to have sex with a prostitute but that it would not be profitable and he would never do it.
Since a married man could take as his own, a prostitute or concubine or additional wife or virgin captured in war, or slave girl, then it makes sense why Jesus did not condemn men for lusting after these unmarried women.
Another misinterpretation of Matthew 5 verse 28 surrounds the word “lust”. In English when we hear the word “lust” we think of “sexual lust” or “sexual desire” or “sexual passion” which is an emotion. And so Christians naturally think that anything that causes an increase in the emotion of “sexual desire” is sinful because it must be causing “lust”.
Actually the word Jesus used was probably the Hebrew word for “covet”. Bible scholars are realizing that the language Jesus spoke was most likely Hebrew. (see “Understanding the difficult words of Jesus, by David Bivin and Roy Blizzard, Jr.)
Since Jesus was referring to the Old Testament law, he most likely used the Hebrew word for “covet” which is the word “chamad” in Exodus 20:17. Exodus 20:17 says, "You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor."
The book referenced above explains that while Jesus most likely spoke in Hebrew, and Matthew recorded Jesus life in Hebrew, the Hebrew writings of the apostle Matthew were translated into Greek. And today we do not have Matthews's original Hebrew writings. We do not even have the Greek translations of Matthew's writings. Today we only have writings by Mark and Luke and an unknown writer who wrote the Matthew we have in our Bible. These three books; Mark, Luke and Matthew, are called the synoptic gospels and they were all based on the Greek translations of Matthew's Hebrew original.
And so when a translator translated Matthew's Hebrew text to Greek, possibly the closest word to the Hebrew “chamad”, was the Greek word “epithumeo” which is the word we have mistranslated as “lust”.
However if you look at the meaning of the Hebrew word “chamad” and the Greek word “epithumeo” you will see that they have almost identical meanings and their meaning is far closer to our English word “covet” than to our English word “lust”.
The Hebrew word for “covet” in Exodus 20:17 is the transliterated word “chamad” which can mean, “to desire, covet, take pleasure in, delight in.”
The Greek word for "lust" in Matthew 5:28 is the transliterated word, “epithumeo” which can mean, “to covet things forbidden, to desire earnestly; to have a longing desire for.”
Both the Greek word “epithumeo” and the Hebrew word “chamad” are words that describe an act of the will. They are not referring to an emotion. God does not condemn people when they have emotions. Sins are the result of a conscious act of the will. So the Biblical sin of coveting is an act of the will, it is a burning willful desire to have something that is not yours.
In Biblical usage, "lusting" and "coveting" are the same, but they are not referring to sexual arousal or the increase in sexual desire. The word Jesus used in Matthew 5:28 did not mean having an increase in sexual desire, but rather meant, “covet”.
For all practical purposes, our Biblical "lusting" and "coveting" are the same. They both mean, wanting something that is not yours. And so the test for determining if someone is lusting after a woman is actually the same test for determining if someone is lusting after anything else, such as a new car, new dress or new home.
And the sin of "lusting" or "coveting" material possessions such as a new car or new home is actually just as bad as the sin of "coveting" a woman. Coveting material possessions is idolatry (Colossians 3:5) which is spiritual adultery (James 4:4-5 ).
And so, in Matthew 5 verse 28 the word translated "lust" should be translated "covet", since it has this meaning in the Greek, and Jesus was referring to the tenth commandment which says, "thou shalt not covet thy neighbors wife ..." Much of the confusion in Christian culture surrounding “lust” is because the Greek word was not translated properly as “covet”.
Matthew, Mark and Luke were all based on the same Greek translation of the apostle Matthew's Hebrew original writing about the life of Jesus. It is interesting that Mark and Luke left out this verse on “lust” as well as some of the other verses in the “Sermon On The Mount”.
Hopefully some day archeologists will uncover copies of Matthew's original Hebrew writings and then we will see for sure what he said. Since Mark and Luke do not have this verse on “lust”, we can't know for sure that the apostle Matthew actually did record this verse on “lust” in his Hebrew Gospel of the life of Christ. Instead it may have been added by the unknown author of our Matthew.
Since nudity was common in the Old Testament and in the New Testament, if Jesus was referring to looking at "nudity" and not to "coveting a married woman", surely Jesus would have made this clear.
There are no dress codes in the Bible with regard to nudity. Nudity was embarrassing in the Bible and it still is embarrassing for most of us.
Jesus was pointing out that it is "adultery to covet a married woman".
Someone might ask, "Please give me an example of nudity in the Bible?"
In the Bible it was usually embarrassing to be nude. However not all were embarrassed to be naked in the Bible. King David stripped from the waist down, and danced in front of the maidens, which angered his wife. Her anger is recorded in 2 Samuel 6:20b, where she said, "How the king of Israel has distinguished himself today, disrobing in the sight of the slave girls of his servants as any vulgar fellow would!".
And to the dismay of his wife, David responds in 2 Samuel 6:22, "I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes. But by these slave girls you spoke of, I will be held in honor." A paraphrased version of what David said might be, "I'll strip again, and show more next time, and I'll be humiliated, but the slave girls will not mind it." David sure seems to be in the wrong.
Nudity was common in Bible days. Slaves were sold in the market place naked, the poor did not have clothes to wear, people bathed in public outdoor baths and nudity was common. Peter disrobed and swam to shore when he saw Jesus on shore. King David saw Bathsheba bathing naked outside.
Nudity is also accepted in parts of our society today. Gynecologists see naked women all day long. If it were truly wrong for a man to see a naked woman, then our society would have trained female doctors long, long ago.
The hallmark of the American medical system is that we get to choose our doctors. So why would Christian women choose male gynecologists if nudity is sin?
The answer is simple. If there is a good reason to be naked or see nakedness, then this overrules the general rule that nakedness is bad. This is why male doctors can look at their female patients.
And in the bedroom, this is why a husband and wife can have the freedom to watch a moral erotic video to help them enjoy sex with each other. The good reason outweighs the general rule that nakedness is bad.
In the Bible God does not condemn a husband and wife for watching a moral erotic video to help their marriage. In fact God is very pleased when the married couple obeys the apostle Paul and is creative to find ways to meet each others sexual needs, because God knows this helps the marriage stay strong and helps the married couple be better servants for Christ.
Instead of condemning our Christian brothers and sisters we would be wise to heed Jesus' advice where he said, "Go and learn what this means, I desire mercy not sacrifice. If you had learned this you would not have condemned the innocent."
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