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What you mean to me...
hey babez :)
I just wanted to let you know that the past 2 weeks I have been doing allot of thinking. Nothing bad.. Let me go ahead and clear that up..... I have been thinking allot about our relationship and what it consists of. When I was growing up I always wondered if love was real you know what I mean? Were people putting up this big front just to cover up how miserable they really felt inside? I have been in several relationships growing up.. I can honestly say that none of them compare to ours. I have been engaged twice, married once, have had 3 long-term relationships as well. I had basically settled with the fact that this whole love thing wasn’t cut out for me. I began to think that there was something wrong with me. Why couldn’t I act like these other people that I saw who were "in love"? On new years eve of 2005 I made the resolution that I would no longer pursue the element of love in my relationship to my husband. I really believed that it was unobtainable. That there was no such thing. I mean I loved my kids, loved my family and all but I wondered if that’s all there was to it. After all the definition of love that I knew of was starting to seem imaginary. I was miserable. I have been hurt numerous times by the person I had married. I didn’t get it.
this is what I have learned within the past 10 months. I could sit here and tell you until I am blue in the face that I love you. Anybody can do that. But I realize that it takes the substance of love itself to cause love to exist. Love is when I am happy and you are there for me. love is when I am upset and still you are there for me. it is obtainable when 2 people compromise and lay down what they are "used" to and letting go of what seems comfortable to them to share it with someone else. I am in amazement as I sit back and I think about this. Silly it seems I know, but I am overwhelmed by how I feel for you. I know that I love you but I know there’s more for me to learn. I guess you kind of "learn to love" I suppose. That’s when you are going past the emotional part. For instance I knew from the first time that I talked to you on the phone that I loved you. I knew you weren’t putting up a front and that you were a great person. When I talked to you there was something that lit up. Like I was alive. I know this sounds retarded but I really felt just like an awakening inside of me.(this sounds dumb I know, lol) I wanted more. I wanted more of whatever that was. Later I realized that it was called love. I have never experienced this before so bear with me.. Lol.. I would think to myself how in the world am I going to tell him? Surely I can’t go off and say "I love you" and expect you to stay real with me. That would have scared you away. . Lol.. But it seemed like whenever we would talk (or chat) that I would get the feeling that you felt the same way about me. Kind of like I already knew before you told me.. Lol.. I would just feel this connection between us that was incomparable to what I have experienced in the past. Yea, I was online to have a no strings attached relationship. I had committed myself to a prison of thinking that this is what love was all about when I was married to Jamie. I knew that what I was doing was wrong but it didn’t bother me. I was settled in this relationship that seemed like it was a prison. Like it was a vicious cycle with how it had been. When I met you all I wanted was a no strings attached relationship until I talked to you. I prayed that I was forgiven and that he would make a way for us to be together no matter how hard it was going to be. All I knew is that I loved you.. Or whatever that feeling was that I was feeling.
I thank God that He has blessed me with you. You mean so much to me. You are a blessing to my life. I am excited at the thought that we are going to be getting married in a few months.
so I just want to tell you that I am completely and hopelessly in love with you, and it makes me happy to tell you. I love you no matter what happens and I know that it is real . I know that what I feel is right and I am so glad that we are together. our relationship means allot to me and I wouldn’t trade anything for it. I can honestly say that...:).. I would never risk losing you, it would be too great of a loss. I am so lucky to have you. I still cant believe how great we are together. it amazes me. almost like its too good to be true. buuut, its all good and its true so I can settle with that......
I LOVE YOU MY FROGGIE PRINCE...
love,
Celeste
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