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Coaching Log 9/24/2006
Marritial Status: Separated
Gender: Male
Your Age: 33
Age Of Your Spouse: 24
Would you like to learn how to become a Christian? I am a Christian
Is your spouse a Christian? Yes
How many times a month do you go to church? 4
How many years have you been married? 4.5.
Do you have children? Yes.
How many children living at home? 2.
Is your spouse unfair to you? Yes.
Are you unfair to your spouse? No.
Does your spouse think you are unfair to them? No.
Do you feel angry with your spouse? Yes
Do you feel your spouse is angry with you? Yes
What percent of your time together with your spouse is spent arguing?
30 percent
Do you like being married? Yes
Do you wish you were single again? No
Do you want to stay married? Yes
Would you ever divorce your spouse? No
Would your spouse ever divorce you? Yes
MarriageRomance.com may publish all or parts of this coaching session: Yes
(Excluding names of coach and coachee)
Please describe your situation and problem:
I am trying to get as much info from as many people as I can. My wife announced in June she wanted a divorce she filed in July and finally moved in with her boyfriend on september 10th she took the kids and all their clothes with her. however I have since had the kids with me most of the time and she gets them everynow and again. I will give you a little backround we got married faster than we wanted to because of a pregnancy. My wife is 9 years younger than me and she was 18 when we wed. She swore to me then that she wanted to be with me forever. we have been married for almost 5 years and have just had another child who will be a year old in November. I never saw this coming everything was great we were making long range plans. bought a new car, improvements to our home etc. She works a lot and we hardly see each other over the last year but I love her soo much. I want her back but my friends and family keep saying to move on she has hurt me too much to stay.
I pray to God everyday to see us thru this. I don't know if it is too late or if she will come back. She keeps telling me and the kids she won't come back that I have hurt her too much. And that bothers me I treated her like a queen. My friends say that isn't true I am a good man to her. My only fault is that I have gotten complacent in my job and in life everything seemed fine so I was just sailing along. but I never treated her badly. My marrige counselor tells me I need to just let her go if she is to come back. Her boyfriend is going thru a divorce (his 2nd) and is actually older than me by 4 or 5 years. Everyone says that he will get sick of her and the kids and eventually kick her out. There is so much of her stuff still here at our house that reminds me of what we had and I am miserable and cry everyday because I miss her so much.
I just need someone to tell me my chances. I have read examples of people coming back after longer periods of time and being happily married again. but if thats not the case for me I need to give up the battle and move on for my own well being I am tired of crying. I have thought of ending my life because I can't imagine life without her but I realize that isn't the answer, but it scares me to even have those thoughts. I miss my wife so much but I may be holding on to false hope. I pray to God everyday for his will to be done. I know God hates divorce and I do not want a divorce and the right thing to do is get back together and work on our problems. Oh what do I do?
Coaches Response:
Thank you for contacting MarriageRomance.com for coaching. I read your situation and want to encourage you.
God can help her change and you can help her change. All it takes is patience on your part.
If you put your trust in the Lord and live your life for the Lord and for your kids and continue to show your wife you are a happy person and you will take her back when she is ready, then she will eventually come back (IMO).
This is what God does for us. He has open arms and is ready to take us back when we are ready to turn to God.
But the key will be for you to learn to put your trust in God so that you can actually be happy without your wife. Once she sees you are happy and level headed and always kind towards her and towards the kids and you are confident in your walk with God, then she will notice this and be attracted to you because of your steady loving character.
But if she does get remarried then you need to give her up and move on.
You might read the book "Love Must Be Tough" by Dr. Dobson. It will give you some more ideas and explain better how you need to be self-confident in your life in order to attract her wife.
Losing your companion and lover is very difficult. If you choose to move on, that is ok too because she has left you. The Bible teaches that you are not bound to the marriage. But if you can forgive her and wait for her to mature, she will most likely be back. 85 percent of those who divorce, (later in life )wish they had not done it. So the chances are that she will eventually want to come back to you. If you have the patience and forgiveness for her, so that you can actually be happy while you wait for her, this will make you be more attractive to her and make her miss you more.
Most people do what is best for themself, and so they move on and find someone else. But a few try to do what is best for their spouse and they wait. The book of Hosea in the Bible is a story about a man who kept taking his wayward wife back and it is a picture of how Christ takes us back.
I pray she will come back soon and that God will give you wisdom.
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