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Coaching Log 11/14/2006
Maritial Status: Married
Gender: Female
Your Age: 26
Age Of Your Spouse: 31
Would you like to learn how to become a Christian? I am a Christian
Is your spouse a Christian? Yes
How many times a month do you go to church? 1
How many years have you been married? 7.
Do you have children? Yes.
How many children living at home? 3.
Is your spouse unfair to you? No.
Are you unfair to your spouse? Yes.
Does your spouse think you are unfair to them? Yes.
Do you feel angry with your spouse? No
Do you feel your spouse is angry with you? No
What percent of your time together with your spouse is spent arguing?
10 percent
Do you like being married? Yes
Do you wish you were single again? No
Do you want to stay married? Yes
Would you ever divorce your spouse? No
Would your spouse ever divorce you? I Don't Know
MarriageRomance.com may publish all or parts of this coaching session: Yes
(Excluding names of coach and coachee)
Please describe your situation and problem:
My husband and I have three children and have been married for seven yers
now. WE are so consumed with day to day things such as the children and work
that we have no time for each other. WE have lost the connection that we
once had. My husband says he is not in love with me anymore. I know that in
time we can fall back in love. But, how do I convince him that everything
will work out?
Thank You
Coaches Response:
Thank you for contacting MarriageRomance.com for coaching. I am not a professional counselor but am a concerned Christian who would like to encourage you and give you Godly advice.
I read your description of your situation and would like to give you a few ideas.
From coaching hundreds of married couples in the past few years I often ask myself, "Why is it that when this couple was dating and engaged and were married, they were deeply in love with each other, and now one or both of them say they do not love each other?"
I ask myself what happed? You all have only been married 1 year.
I would say there are two kinds of people. Those who take marriage seriously and those who don't. You can best answer the question as to which type of person your husband is. Is he saying he does not love you simply because he wants his freedom to have another woman? If so, then he is a bad apple.
But if he is not wanting out of the marriage, due to his own selfish desire to have his freedom, then I believe there is great hope for your marriage.
From your description I think your husband falls into the second category. I think he wants the marriage to work, but he just doesn't feel loved by you, so he has fallen out of love with you.
You mentioned that you both have been so consumed with day to day things that you have no time for each other. I noticed you also do not attend church too often. I would encourage you all to go to church regularly with your children.
The apostle Paul said that married couples should have sex regularly in order to have a good marriage. So if you both have been too busy to have sex, then this is probably the biggest reason for him not feeling loved or for falling out of love.
First, make time for romance and intimacy. Second surprise him with things that will turn him on and help him have an exciting time with you.
The primary reason that most young men get married because they want sex. The reason most young woman get married is for security and to have children and companionship and a family.
Always remember that the way to your husbands heart is through his pants. You can seduce him into loving you. Once you do, he will remember why he loves you so much and why he never wants to ever leave you.
You and your husband should realize that it is ok to use moral erotic materials in your bedroom to enhance your intimacy. You can read our stories from MarriageRomance.com and you can buy sex education and better sex videos from the Sinclair Institute at drugstore.com. (We do not recieve any money from suggesting the videos) I just know they are very powerful in helping increase passion in the bedroom and this might help your husband really look forward to being with you, if he could watch one with you every now and then.
Next, it is important that you respect your husband. If he doesn't feel respected and appreciated then he will not feel loved. Try not to criticize him and complain to him.
You need to come across to your husband and a self-confident, happy, cherful, woman who really likes him. If you do this, he will like you back. Love is earned.
Don't worry. Women that are always worried about this and that, are not attractive. Wives that worry and say they can't do something when their husband asks them to do something - this turns a husband off.
Act like you have life under control, but still come across as a very loving person who really likes your husband. Compliment him often and tell him how wonderful he is.
Look the best you can for your husband. Lose weight if you are overweight. Make sure you get the exercize and sleep you need too.
Run an organized home. Keep it clean, have meals at the times your husband expects. Don't be lazy and watch TV all day and then have a dirty house and children who are suffering because of your lack of self-control.
Spend time loving on your children and suggest events and things to get Dad involved in loving on them too.
These are just some ideas. I hope they help you. I pray God will give you wisdom to woe your husband back into deep love with you. Don't give up.
As you know, many of these things probably do not apply to your situation. But I just wanted to give you some ideas.
May God bless you and your husband and your 3 precious children!
Sincerely
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