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Coaching Log 11/19/2006
Maritial Status: Married
Gender: Female
Your Age: 26
Age Of Your Spouse: 29
Would you like to learn how to become a Christian? I am a Christian
Is your spouse a Christian? Yes
How many times a month do you go to church? 9-10
How many years have you been married? 7.
Do you have children? Yes.
How many children living at home? 3.
Is your spouse unfair to you? Yes.
Are you unfair to your spouse? No.
Does your spouse think you are unfair to them? Yes.
Do you feel angry with your spouse? Yes
Do you feel your spouse is angry with you? Yes
What percent of your time together with your spouse is spent arguing?
30 percent
Do you like being married? Yes
Do you wish you were single again? No
Do you want to stay married? Yes
Would you ever divorce your spouse? No
Would your spouse ever divorce you? No
MarriageRomance.com may publish all or parts of this coaching session: Yes
(Excluding names of coach and coachee)
Please describe your situation and problem:
My husband and I have been married for more than 7 years now. I have been
working full time since we were married. We now have 3 kids. My husband refuses to get a full time job to support our family. Because of this, I have had to sacrifice staying home with my kids and working pretty much full time. I work for a Christian School that my husbands parents run. I have been working 10-12 hour days while my husband stays home, watches tv and coaches a few athletic teams in which he doesn't get paid for. I do not get paid enough for us to live off of so we have had to resort to live in a house that his parents own. Because we can't pay rent, we have had to take in a few foreign students to help pay for rent. I am frustrated and growing bitter by the hour. I love my husband very much, but I dont know how much longer I can handle living like this. We are in poverty. I have had to apply for food stamps and medicaid because he is not willing to work. He has also been caught steeling money from his parents and from the school. When ever we are in need of food or diapers or anything, he always asks his parents for money. He expects them to pay for everything.
They have stopped helping him, but he seems to always find a way to grab one
of their credit cards. I am so distraut. We are both very strong Christians and would never divorce the other, but I am on the verge of
leaving for my sanity. But, I can't. If I do, I will have no place to stay
and I won't be able to pay for child care. We need help. Lots of it. I
think one of the major problems is, my husband feels inferior to me. He
knows that I can make much more money than him if I were to get a job. He
doesn't have a college education and not much work experience ... obviously ... I could ramble all night long. How much longer does he expect his family to have to live this way? What can I do to help him? He has put us in so much debt trying to start his own landscaping business ($35,000). He does things without counsel because he thinks he knows best. We already had to declare bankruptcy a few years ago because he refused to get a job back then too. I don't understand what he is afraid of. He was such a hard worker before we were married and held a good job. Once we got married, he quit and stopped working. Please help me.
Coaches Response:
Thank you for contacting MarriageRomance.com for coaching. I am not a professional counselor. I am a Christian who will try and encourage you and give you Godly advice.
I've read your marriage situation and know you must feel helpless in your situation. Your husband seems like he is comfortable being lazy and letting you provide for the family.
But I know God wants your husband to work. Paul said in 2 Thessalonians 3 verse 10, "For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: "If a man will not work, he shall not eat."
First I would suggest that you talk to your husband and explain to him that you can not continue carrying the load alone and that he needs to get a job now. I would explain that if he does not get a job within a month then you will speak with his parents.
If he doesn't get a job, I would speak with his parents and explain to them that he needs to get a job. You might ask them to talk to him and exhort him to get a job. You might explain to them that if he doesn't get a job within another month, that you plan to meet with the Pastor. When you meet with the Pastor, ask the Pastor to exhort him to get a job and explain to the Pastor that if he doesn't get a job within another month, you will begin looking for a womans shelter who will take you and your children. If he hasn't begun working within the next month, and you can find a womans shelter who will take you and your 3 children, then you might move to the shelter until your husband gets a job.
All along this journey you will want to be praying for wisdom and praying that your husband will get a job. Maybe your husbands parents or the Pastor will help your husband with counseling on the issues that are causing him to not work. Or maybe the womans shelter will have resources for counseling your husband.
You may be right that your husband feels intimadated with your credentials and abilities to earn money. It is difficult for a man to marry a woman who makes much more than he does or is much smarter than he is.
I pray you will have wisdom and continue to pray for your husband and that you will make the right decisions.
God bless
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