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Coaching Log 11/19/2006
Marital Status: Married
Gender: Male
Your Age: 46
Age Of Your Spouse: 33
Would you like to learn how to become a Christian? Yes
Is your spouse a Christian? Yes
How many times a month do you go to church? 0
How many years have you been married? 8.
Do you have children? Yes.
How many children living at home? 1.
Is your spouse unfair to you? Yes.
Are you unfair to your spouse? No.
Does your spouse think you are unfair to them? Yes.
Do you feel angry with your spouse? No
Do you feel your spouse is angry with you? Yes
What percent of your time together with your spouse is spent arguing?
50 percent
Do you like being married? Yes
Do you wish you were single again? No
Do you want to stay married? Yes
Would you ever divorce your spouse? No
Would your spouse ever divorce you? Yes
MarriageRomance.com may publish all or parts of this coaching session: Yes
(Excluding names of coach and coachee)
Please describe your situation and problem:
My wife, whilst a regular church goer finds it easy to lie and stand by her lie if the opposite is found to be true. Our sex life is hardly existent although she has a full time maid and only one school going daughter aged 5.Most times she attributes this to fatigue, FROM WHAT I don't know.
Many times she has threatened to leave as a solution to any marital problems (finances, dishonesty, etc)which we encounter. I feel she has negative attitude to the relationship and would rather see it fall apart. I think i am the only one trying to keep it going, not just for the child but for ourselves.
She was very loving and caring in the first three years and thereafter, things are just falling apart. Is it because she still makes friends with single women (most of her friends are single whilst mine a stable family men)
Coaches Thoughts:
Thank you for contacting MarriageRomance.com for coaching. I am not a professional counselor. I am a Christian who will try and encourage you and give you Godly advice.
I read your description of your marriage situation and sympathize with your situation. It seems your wife is not wanting to make the marriage work.
Your wife should not lie.
Why does your wife have single friends? Why does she not have married friends like you do?
You mentioned you both argue 50 percent of the time. This is rather high. You also mentioned that she is not having sex with you regularly. I've noticed that married couples who do not have sex regularly as the apostle Paul instructed in 1 Corinthians 7:5, do argue alot.
It is difficult to know which came first, the not having sex or the arguing. But we do know that having sex regularly can help a married couple resolve their conflicts.
But now that you and your wife argue often it is more difficult for her to enjoy sex. To help her become receptive to your sexual needs, I suggest that you try an experiment for one month.
For the next month commit to not ever criticizing your wife. Do not complain about anything to her, do not be sad or angry around her, but just be very loving and cheerful. During the month say encouraging things to her, tell her how beautiful she is, help her with her chores and do creative romantic things with her. Do not be jealous that she spends time with her single friends.
After two weeks ask her if there are any things she wishes you could change. If she suggests you change in any way, do not argue or complain but rather be cheerful and tell her you will change for her because you love her and want to please her.
At the end of one month, see if she has changed. Please write back to me and let me know if she changed by the end of the month.
I pray God will bless you and give you wisdom and give you unconditional love and appreciation for your wife during this next month. I pray she will accept your love and return to you the love you have given her.
Sincerely
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