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Coaching Log 12/17/2006
Marital Status: Married
Gender: Male
Your Age:
Age Of Your Spouse:
Would you like to learn how to become a Christian? I am a Christian
Is your spouse a Christian? Yes
How many times a month do you go to church? 4
How many years have you been married? 0.
Do you have children? No.
How many children living at home? 1.
Is your spouse unfair to you? Yes.
Are you unfair to your spouse? No.
Does your spouse think you are unfair to them? Yes.
Do you feel angry with your spouse? No
Do you feel your spouse is angry with you? Yes
What percent of your time together with your spouse is spent arguing?
10 percent
Do you like being married? Yes
Do you wish you were single again? No
Do you want to stay married? Yes
Would you ever divorce your spouse? Yes
Would your spouse ever divorce you? Yes
MarriageRomance.com may publish all or parts of this coaching session: Yes
(Excluding names of coach and coachee)
Please describe your situation and problem:
I am a 38 yr old male and my wife is 24yrs old. Our problems are :
#1. A major communication issue.
#2 My wife is constantly asking me if am I sleeping with someone else.
#3 She tells me to find someone to perform sex or oral sex for times when she is too tired or because her jaw is sore from a sustained injury she received years ago.
We've only been married for 3 months and it seems like a disaster. As I speak she is off God knows where. We are both christians and that doesn't seem to matter to her I guess. I dont know what to do! I told her I have NEVER been unfaithful to her but she replies with this "I just get these thoughts of you with someone else". I am at my wits end! She was diagnosed being Bi-Polar and does not take any medication for it. She also gave birth to a little girl on Oct 7th. (FYI) the child is not biologically mine! If you can offer any advice that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!
Coaches Email:
Thank you for contacting MarriageRomance.com for coaching. I am not a professional counselor. I am a Christian who will try and encourage you and give you Godly advice.
I read your description of your marriage situation. Sorry it took so long to get back with you.
It seems your wife is testing you. She may not feel worthy of you and so she gives you permission to find someone else because she feels inadequate.
You mentioned she goes off alone and you don't know where she is. This leads me to believe maybe she is feeling guilty too. Maybe she is doing some things while she is away from you that she feels guilty about.
People, who do not trust their spouse, usually do not trust their spouse because they know they are vulnerable also.
I would focus on being loving with her but working towards helping her be accountable for where she is. I would not let her go off by herself without knowing where she is, and knowing that she is with someone who will help her be accountable.
Don't let it bother you that she distrusts you. This is most likely a reflection of her own insecurities. Of course it could be she had a boy friend or a previous husband or a dad who cheated and so she may simply not trust men. If this is the case, simply keep being faithful to her and you will earn her trust.
Keep praying for her during the day. Try and help her get Christian girl friends who will encourage her to be faithful to you and help her grow in Christ. The best way to do this is to get heavily involved with your local church.
Again, trying to help her find a few really good church women friends will probably help her the most. And church is the best place to find these women. See if there is a small group bible study you and your wife can become a part of. If your church does not have one, see if there is a Sunday School class you can both attend and get involved in. Or try and find a Bible church to go to. Bible churches understand God's Grace and they have activities ladies can get involved in.
God bless and I pray she will mature in the Lord and you will not waiver in your love and patience for your wife.
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