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Coaching Log 12/09/2006
Maritial Status: Married
Gender: Male
Your Age: 24
Age Of Your Spouse: 25
Would you like to learn how to become a Christian? I am a Christian
Is your spouse a Christian? Yes
How many times a month do you go to church? 2-3
How many years have you been married? 2.
Do you have children? No.
How many children living at home? .
Is your spouse unfair to you? No.
Are you unfair to your spouse? No.
Does your spouse think you are unfair to them? Yes.
Do you feel angry with your spouse? No
Do you feel your spouse is angry with you? Yes
What percent of your time together with your spouse is spent arguing?
Never
Do you like being married? Yes
Do you wish you were single again? No
Do you want to stay married? Yes
Would you ever divorce your spouse? No
Would your spouse ever divorce you? I Don't Know
MarriageRomance.com may publish all or parts of this coaching session: Yes
(Excluding names of coach and coachee)
Please describe your situation and problem:
My wife received the calling to do mission work when she was young, like around the age of 16. I also was given the calling to do a type of mission work. We knew this when we were dating and it seemed to be and issue that was kinda over looked. The issue is that I have been called to mission around "home" in the midwest US, and my wife has been called to mission abroad. This wouldn't normally be a huge issue because there is the possibility of her taking trips to do mission work, however I have "issues" being seperated by that much distance from my wife. I dont beleive that married people should be that far apart. I know that my wife is struggling also because her calling has recently told her to drop out of a program to be a Registered Nurse she is currently a Licenced Practical Nurse, and she feels that it should not matter what I think on the subject. And I dont have a problem with her not going to school, I just don't want to be the one "left" being home. There !
are times that I feel that because Im not called to go away that I haven't really been called.
Coaches Thoughts:
Thank you for contacting MarriageRomance.com for coaching. I am not a professional counselor. I am a Christian who will try and encourage you and give you Godly advice.
I read your description of your marriage.
The mystery surrounding God's calling can be confusing. There are so many opinions about this subject. Your situation is a good example of how a misinterpretation of “calling” in the Bible can hurt and destroy our lives.
The word “calling” appears 485 times in the Bible and 220 times in the New Testament. However I researched the use of the word “calling” today, and could find only once (1 Corinthians 7:19-21) in the New Testament that it was used to describe what we should do in our vocation or occupation in life after we get saved.
Almost always it is used to say we are called to be saved, or we are called to act like God wants us to act. For example we are “called to good works (Ephesians 2:10)”, we are “called to be saints (Romans 1:7)”, and God has “called us to peace (Corinthians 7:15 )“
There are verses in the New Testament (Acts 16:9-11) which describe God calling the apostles. Of course we know Jesus called his disciples and God called Saul who later was given the name Paul.
But what about today? Does God still speak audibly to people. Does Jesus appear on the road and blind us as Jesus did Paul? If Jesus does this, then certainly we should listen.
We know God wants us to tell others about Jesus. We know it is necessary to go and tell others about Jesus. In Romans 10:14-15 Paul says, How then shall they call on him in whom they have not believed? and how shall they believe in him of whom they have not heard? and how shall they hear without a preacher? And how shall they preach, except they be sent? as it is written, How beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel of peace, and bring glad tidings of good things!”
But God is not a God of confusion. God would not call a wife to leave her husband. God would not call a husband to leave his wife.
Ephesians 5:23 says, “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.”
And Colossians 3:18 says, “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.”
So a wife should know it is not God's will for her to go against her husbands will and leave her husband and think that somehow she is serving God.
Paul does give us some teaching in 1 Corinthians 7:20-24 on “calling”. Paul says, “Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called. Art thou called being a servant? care not for it: but if thou mayest be made free, use it rather. For he that is called in the Lord, being a servant, is the Lord's freeman: likewise also he that is called, being free, is Christ's servant. Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men. Brethren, let every man, wherein he is called, therein abide with God.”
Basically these verses teach us that when we get saved, there is not need to quit our job. Paul says that “let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called.” Paul is saying that when you become a Christian you don't have to feel compelled to change your occupation.
God gives us choices. God wants all Christians to be serving Him with all the resources and time they have, without becoming too overwhelmed with serving and burned out with serving.
So you and your wife have the choice of deciding how you are going to serve God. Don't put emphasis on some promise you made during some emotional revival or meeting. Remember what Jesus said.
Jesus said that anyone who makes you make a promise is evil. Promises tend to keep us from focusing on what we should be doing now for the Lord. See, if the devil can get all the Christians confused about whether are not they are “called” to go here or there, then the devil can paralyze the Christians so they don't do what God wants them to do now.
In Matthew 5 verses 34 to 37 Jesus says, “But I say unto you, Swear not at all; neither by heaven; for it is God's throne: Nor by the earth; for it is his footstool: neither by Jerusalem; for it is the city of the great King. Neither shalt thou swear by thy head, because thou canst not make one hair white or black. But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.”
Jesus wants us to get busy serving Him today and God will give us the desires of our heart. If our desires are from God, they will not tear our family apart or cause us to leave our spouse.
I hope your wife will understand that God desires love and harmony and agreement in a marriage and that is she is feeling called to away from you a lot, and you do not feel comfortable with this, that this is not from God.
I pray she will be understanding and submit to your leadership. I pray you will have wisdom and love in communicating with her.
God Bless
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