Weight issues

I have been married to my husband for 23 years.  We have had our ups and downs, but the last few years have been pretty good for the most part.  We went to counseling, got better connected, etc.  I have always struggled with my weight, but it was usually only about 20 pounds or so.  That 20 pounds has turned into about 30-40 pounds overweight.  I have been overeating because of stress; we have a rebellious teenager and a 12-year-old who are giving us problems.  I am really trying to become healthier, eat right, etc.  I would not have a problem if my husband came to me in a concerned way and said he was worried about my health and weight.  

But, instead, this is what he did, the other night we were in the bedroom, I was getting undressed, I had gotten everything ready for a romantic night, and he asks me how much weight I have gained.  That was like splashing cold water on me.  I told him I knew I had gained weight but did not feel like the bedroom was the place to bring it up.  I left the room crying.  Then the next night, I tried to talk about it again, asking him if he could just reassure me that he loves me despite the weight and I asked him how he felt about me now (I meant our relationship), and he said, "I told you yesterday, you are getting fatter and fatter" -this after he had just complained that we had not had sex for 3 whole days!  

So, again, it was like getting cold water splashed on me.  I left the room mad and upset again.  I hate this because things were going so good.  We have gone to counseling and the counselor told us to never talk about issues in the bedroom, but he always wants to bring up stuff like this or the kids, etc.  Then he complains that we don't make love enough, even though we usually make love at least 4 times a week (we are 45).  He has no weight problem, never has, and cannot relate to it at all.  I feel very self-conscious since I have put on this weight, but I thought he still found me somewhat attractive, but now I wonder.  

How am I going to get to the point of feeling comfortable around my husband if he keeps making comments about my weight when I am undressed around him, and how do I make him understand how I feel about this?  I don't believe it is right for a woman to deny her husband, and I felt guilty about that last night, but how can a woman want to make love to a man who just called her fat?  I really do want to lose this weight, but I want to feel loved and accepted at the weight I am until I can lose it.  

Please pray for us.  

Comments From Readers

A reader says ... Thanks for sharing.  I'm praying for you and your husband.  Your husband is being selfish.  He needs to learn compassion and grace and love.  I pray God will soften his heart.  You have given him all these years and I know he has given you these years too.  By now he should love you regardless of your weight.  Yes you should lose the weight but I know you will.  But in the meantime he should accept you the way you are and love you unconditionally.  It is sad to see a husband be mean like that.  When we as husbands are mean like that we should have a change of heart and reach out and ask our wife for forgiveness and try and make it up to her.  I hope your husband changes and then tries to make it up to you with roses or something special and with sincere communication that he really loves you just the way you are, but that he would find you more attractive if you lost some weight.  God bless you dear sister in Christ!