How can I still be effective in this marriage?

My story is so heartbreaking yet will problably find familiarity in the lives of many other people.  I grew up the third daughter of my deacon dad and mom.  Church was an essential and fundamental part of my early years.  I was saved at age 10 and grew up with a relatively protected life.  However, as I moved away to attend college in a nearby town, my Christian life took a nosedive and the partying began.  I eventually dropped college (couldn't do both the night life and the early morning class schedules).  I then met my future husband through a mutual friend.  Oh the fun we were having (or so I thought).  It didn't take long for us to start a family (unplanned) and when the babies began to arrive, our marriage began to leave.  Because of my upbringing, I only thought it natural to settle down and attend church and become the kind of family I was familiar with.  But my husband was familiar with the opposite.  He went to church when he was young (thanks to his aunts) and was eventually saved as a teenager, but because God was not given a priority in his parents' lives, God did not take priority in my husband's life.  So now, almost 13 years and four kids later, I have grown closer and closer to God and more active in church but only to have my husband, Sunday after Sunday, sit in his chair, letting me go alone.  Now, we are at a point in our marriage where I feel we are leading two separate lives.  I do not really know his friends (most of them partying bar hoppers) and my friends are too much of "Jesus Freaks".  He is even starting to stay gone for many many hours and I cannot reach him.  I feel like there may even be another woman.  Did God put me in this marriage to be the example to my husband that he so desparately needs or am I holding on to something that needs to be let go?  I try to find the answer in the Bible, but so far I have not come up with anything that makes me feel that God is talking to me.  I have prayed, prayed, prayed.  I have try to be kind and understanding. But I am a wreck.  Where do I go from here?

Comments From Readers

A reader says ... You said when the babies arrived, the marriage left.  When babies arrive,
you still need to work on your marriage. Many husbands feel left out because the wife is so busy taking care of the kids that they don't try to meet husband's needs. Husbands still need attention to feel loved.  The children take a lot of time and attention, but your husband also needs some special time and attention, including sexual needs. In being "the example to my husband that he so desparately needs", are you being loving to him or just trying to get him to church?
To answer your first question, God didn't put you in the marriage.  He allowed
you to make a choice to get married and you can be a good example to
your husband by choosing to love him and show him that you love him. You are not holding on to something that needs to be let go. That's what Satan would like for you to think. Keep praying and I will pray for your marriage also.