Help a dissolving marriage

My husband and I have a very strange sex life.  I feel as though he doesn't know how to please me sexually.  What he does during foreplay is play with my genitals and after I have a release, he penetrates me.  That's it.  Even during the penetration, I'm not feeling any satisfaction.  For this reason, I am rarely excited to have intercourse with him.  We've been marriead for 8 years, and it has always been that way.  I'm not in love with my husband, I don't think I've ever been.  I love him, and I believe he loves me, but we don't have any real intimacy.  I don't know what to do.  I've been hoping and praying that God will change me and fix us.  But I'm beginning to feel as though my husband and I are roommates.  The lack of sexual satisfaction is the least of our problems though.  By subscribing, I'm hoping to get much needed help.  

Comments From Readers

A reader says ... Dear friend,

Maybe I've missed something from what you've described, but do you talk to your husband about your needs?  You've already shared that penetration doesn't give you any satisfaction, so it sounds to me like he's unselfishly trying to give you a blessing by helping you to orgasm first, before he meets his own needs.  I'd at least give him a little credit for unselfishly giving this to you before meeting his own needs.

Maybe it seems hard to talk to him about your needs in the bedroom.  Do you have a clear picture of what exactly would satisfy you there?  I'd try talking to him.  I'm a man myself, and I love it when my wife talks to me about what would please her sexually.  And then I consider it my duty to give it to her.  Maybe 'duty' is the wrong word.  I want to give her what she wants because I love her.  Maybe part of what encourages communication in the bedroom is communication outside the bedroom.  Do you and your husband talk about other things, such as the children, the family, or... shucks... anything?  The weather, politics, your finances?

You make the statement, "I'm not in love with my husband, I don't think I've ever been."  Then you follow it with the statement, "I love him..."  Those two statements confuse me a little, because they both can't be true at the same time.

I wish you the best, friend.  My wife and I don't have a perfect relationship, but we do serve a perfect Lord.  Do you have Jesus in your heart?  Maybe that's part of it, too.  Things that seem impossible to men and women are easily addressed by Him... though not always as we'd expect them to be.  If you do have a faith in Him, I encourage you to pray for His guidance.

Otherwise... men are kind of strange birds.  You know this -- you're married to one.  The only way a man will ever change is if he wants to change.  There's nothing you can do to get him to change.  The only thing (in my opinion) that you can do is change yourself.  If you can find out just what his inner needs are, and show him how you are that special person that meets those needs, hopefully he'll start to see just how valuable you are to him as a helpmate!  What are a man's needs?  Well... maybe this is just my own opinion again, but here goes:  A man loves to be respected and admired by his wife.  A man loves to be needed sexually by his wife.  It's important to him to know he is a lover that satisfies her.  A man loves a creative woman who, rather than complaining about a problem, is able to suggest a solution.  Shucks, those are just a few things.

Best wishes to you.  What do I know anyways?  I'm just a man, but one deeply in love with his wife.