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Is Lust Adultery And Anger Murder?
In church sermons I have heard that 80 percent of Christian men struggle with looking at pornography. I have been told that Christian divorce rates are higher than non-Christian divorce rates.
I remember the great Christian psychologist, Dr. Harold Sala, on his radio show "Guidelines For Living", saying that he wished Christians would recognize that we are sexual beings as well as physical and spiritual beings.
In 1 Corinthians 7 3-5 Paul says, “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
The warning Paul gives to married couples is that they should not withhold sex from each other and that they should have sex regularly so that their spouse does not get tempted. The implication is that the couple should enjoy sex with each other, not just mechanically give sex. This is because sexual needs are not just physical but emotional. Emotional sexual needs involve making your spouse feel sexually desired and loved and appreciated.
Today at church we listened to a sermon on marriage intimacy. Our minister told us he once had a friend who said, "If only my wife had been meeting my sexual needs, I would not have been unfaithful to her." The preacher proclaimed that his friend had no Biblical grounds to say that. The preacher never mentioned the verses in I Corinthians 7 3-5, where Paul makes it clear that withholding sex causes your spouse to be tempted.
I have heard dozens of sermons on porn and on marriage sexual matters and not once have I heard a Pastor mention the only verses in the Bible that instruct married couples in this area of intimacy. The only verses in the Bible related to marriage intimacy are those same verses in I Corinthians 7 3-5, where Paul instructs married couples to have sex regularly and not withhold sex from each other, so their spouse will not be tempted. It is no wonder that at a Christian marriage conference my wife and I attended, the speaker told us that 75 percent of Evangelical married men masturbate regularly due to sexual synchronization problems with their wife.
We also listened to the testimony of a married couple. During the testimony, the wife said she hated her husband because of something he had done. It appeared he had looked at pornography. The husband explained that God restored their marriage when he repented of his sin. Only after he repented of his apparent sin, did his wife begin loving him again. Never in the interview, or in the sermon, was it mentioned that the wife's feelings of hatred towards her husband were wrong and not based on a Biblical justification.
In reality, are Pastors indirectly teaching wives to hate and even divorce their husbands if their husband looks at porn? Are they teaching that looking at a picture is adultery in the mind? If so isn't this the only area in Christianity where we judge a persons thoughts?
The problem is that wives take the Pastors sermons seriously and so they find it very difficult to forgive their husband for adultery when the Pastor says their husband has committed adultery.
In Matthew 5:28, when Jesus said, "But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart," Jesus was actually combining the 7th and the 10th commandments when he pointed out that "lusting" or "coveting" a woman is actually committing adultery.
The 7th commandment (Exodus 20:14) says "You shall not commit adultery. " And the 10th commandment, Exodus 20:17 says, "You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor."
Jesus was pointing out that "coveting" a woman is a form of adultery.
The Hebrew word “chamad”, in the 10th commandment which we translate as "covet", is very similar to the Greek word "epithumeo", which we translate as "lust".
The Hebrew word for “covet” in Exodus 20:17 is the transliterated word “chamad” which can mean, “to desire, covet, take pleasure in, delight in.”
The Greek word for "lust" in Matthew 5:28 is the transliterated word, “epithumeo” which can mean, “to covet things forbidden, to desire earnestly; to have a longing desire for.”
And in Galatians 5:17, Paul also uses the same word "epithumeo" for "desires", when he says, "For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh; for these are opposed to each other, to prevent you from doing what you would. "
"Desiring" or "lusting after" food, sports, TV, vacations, new homes, or any other thing that satisfies the flesh falls into this same category as "lust" or "coveting". This goes along with the 10th commandment (Exodus 20:17) which says coveting anything that does not belong to you is wrong.
In Colossians 3:5 the apostle Paul directs us to "put to death" our fleshly desires, including "covetousness, which is idolatry", which we know is spiritual adultery.
In Biblical usage, "lusting" and "coveting" are the same. They are both wanting something that is now yours. And yet we do not hate and divorce our spouse if he or she wants a new car or a new home or new clothes.
In our culture, we certainly do not hate and divorce our spouse if they look at a new home, new car or new clothes. And yet if a man looks at a picture of a woman we call him an adulterer, even though we do not know if he "lusted" after the woman or "coveted" her.
In this same Sermon On The Mount, in Matthew 5: 21-22, Jesus said, "You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.' But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, 'Raca,' is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell."
Jesus never intended his statement on "lust" in Matthew 5:28, to cause millions of divorces in Christian marriages, any more than he intended his statement on "murder" in Matthew 5: 21-22 to be used to send someone to the electric chair for having been angry.
Christian wives are not taught by Pastors to have sex regularly. This, according to the apostle Paul, leaves their husbands vulnerable to temptation. Why do Pastors not teach this Biblical truth to married couples?
Another Biblical truth is that the "marriage bed is undefiled." It is not sin to be creative in the marriage bed and use moral erotic aids to help keep romance alive, fun and exciting.
Edmund Burke once said, “All that's necessary for the forces of evil to win in the world is for enough good men to do nothing.”
The world has recognized for some time, that at times married couples need a little spice in their marriage. And so the porn video and rated R movie industry has developed to meet this need.
Consequently, rated PG-13, Rated R and Rated X videos are part of our western culture.
It is now time for we as Christians to go back to the Bible and come up with solutions to help marriages with sexual problems. Solutions that do not solely spiritualize the sexual issues in marriage.
While the spiritual aspects in marriage are very important, we can not ignore the scriptures where Paul gives Christian married couples very clear instructions in 1 Corinthians 7 3-5 to have sex regularly, as well as other scriptures that encourage married couples to enjoy sex.
For husbands and wives, sex can be such an emotional issue. How can a married couple enjoy sex regularly when they have arguments regularly? Especially when their arguments are about what is permissible in this area of sex? As Christian leaders we need to teach mercy and compromise in this area of intimacy. We need to teach married couples that the "marriage bed is undefiled." We need to refrain from teaching man made traditions that cause arguments in the bedroom.
We believe that once these moral marriage love stories on DVD are available, and once church leaders recognize them as a pure resource for married couples, we believe Christian divorce rates could be cut in half and that most Christian married men will gladly trade their temptation to look at porn, for a night with their spouse watching a passionate marriage love stories DVD.
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