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Love transcending the boundaries of man - Oct Contest
Love Letters
In late August, just before leaving to teach English in China and carefully do missionary work, I went over to the house of a Japanese gal I knew through the international Christian fellowship. We talked a bit, and I asked if she would be willing to go wherever God sent us. On getting an affirmative, I then asked if she would like to write letters back and forth while I was in China. She asked me shyly if I knew how old she was. I didn't and was surprised that she was 8 years my elder since I thought her a couple years younger. That didn't stop my enthusiasm for starting this unique penpal relationship. We'd worked together in the international fellowship two years but not really gotten to know each other, and from what I'd seen of Taeko, I was hoping this might led to more than a friendship.
It was 1990, so email was not an option between China and the USA. Thus, we engaged in the old art of writing letters. First there were introductions to ourselves since we barely knew each other even having worked together to reach internationals for Christ. The earlier letters told of our backgrounds in vastily different countries and cultures and how we ended up where we were. Soon we went beyond being mutual acquaintances to friends
Then our communication warmed up a bit more. We averaged three letters a week and with China's mail system, they often came in bunches and then not at all. One envelope reached Taeko with no contents, likely pilfered by those who check that mail is politically and religiously kosher. We were careful not to use Christian words or critique China in any way but those who check mail in China often do so as interns in college and being poor may take something that looks nice. It almost felt like secret dating even though our friends on both sides of the ocean knew.
I was staying in a family apartment even as a single guy. It was across from the Christian woman who as a visiting scholar in the USA, invited me teach at her institute. Her family treated me like a prince despite their meager salary of roughly $36 per month (housing & medical were covered)! After eating, if I had received a letter, I would call it my “dessert” and wait to open it. Laughter flowed freely and this family became very dear to me. They loved to be in on our romance.
That fall went by quickly with our cross-cultural dating adventure. Being able to write down our thoughts really helped us to get to know each other and have a little fun too. Trinkets that we'd laugh at today and a perfumed handkerchief became precious via the relationship. Near Christmas, my parents heard about our dating and started to take Taeko to movies and on other short trips. My Chinese family also encouraged me and taught me a Chinese saying, “The best food is in China, the best house is in America and the best wife is in Japan.” I knew it had stereotypes (though I was sure then of the best food) but I was certainly hopeful of the best wife part.
On February 15th, 1990, it was Chinese New Years Day and at the same time Valentine's Day in the U.S. due to the time difference. Taeko and I only a few times in the whole ten months got to speak by phone, but this day was the most important of those. After talking a bit, I asked Taeko if she would like to be pre-engaged pending her parents' approval (mine were already more than happy ☺). She said, “Yes” and my heart was elated. I had intended on learning some Chinese while in China, but now I sought out the help of a Japanese friend there to start learning the language of my love.
We knew now that in July, I would not fly home directly to Wisconsin but stop first in Japan to meet her family. Changing the ticket required the hassle of a long trip to Beijing and arguing with officials there but eventually by God's grace I had a ticket in hand to fly to Tokyo. July 13th I landed at Narita Airport, saw Taeko and gave a hug. Wow, what a difference 100 letters can make! The last time I saw her we were just acquaintances and here we were hugging and madly in love.
We went to her parents' home and had some fun trying to communicate with Taeko as our translator. Camping with friends, a trip to Kyoto, the ancient capitol, a work camp with her brother's church were all part of our itinerary.
What was most thrilling to me, though, happened because of our first Sunday going to her church. There a couple invited us all to their engagement ceremony later that afternoon. Engagement ceremony – that ‘s new! It was much like a wedding, and I immediately thought of planning one for us since it was unlikely with her father's health failing that he would be able to make it to America for our wedding there.
But first I had to ask her parents' permission. This was unique in that rather than asking her father privately, I needed to use Taeko as a translator, so her mother was there too. I'm not sure how Taeko translated “May I marry your daughter?” – “May he marry me?” or word for word but her mom had moisture in her eyes. Her dad asked the question many fathers ask, “How will you support my daughter?” After I told him I'd go back to the U.S. to learn how to teach English and then come back to Japan to teach, he gave a satisfied grunt of approval. In a couple weeks we planned the whole engagement ceremony and invited close friends in the area. I had to remember the words “Yakusoku shimasu.”, which mean, “I promise.” It was just like a wedding except that one promised to marry, Lord willing, this person in the future. So on August 4, 1991, we were formally engaged.
We flew back to the USA on separate flights and started planning the wedding while both attending the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. Taeko finished her graduate degree in educational psychology in December, and we were married on January 4, 1992. It was a multicultural affair with friends from many nations and of many colors working together to bless us on this special day.
Now over fifteen years have elapsed, and we have three bilingual boys. We have gone through the ups and downs of married life in America and twelve years in Japan. Currently in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, we seem headed toward work with international students again with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship. It would bring us full circle to how we met one another before starting our intercultural, postal romance. In all of our cross-cultural and cross-gender adjustment, the Lord has provided a point of reference of forgiving love that transcends the boundaries of man.
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