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Marriage Keeps Getting Better
Today my wife took two of our daughters 500 miles to another city so they could visit friends at a college they went to.
In the hours after she left I was thinking about how our marriage is better now, 25 years and going – better than the first years of our marriage.
I was thinking, “Marriage really works. Those who choose monogamous marriage end up blessed by God with nice families who love them and with all the other blessings that come from doing things God's way.”
I was thinking this as I took a shower. Then I dried off and found a pair of jeans in the closet to put on. As I put the jeans on they felt a bit tight and so I had to put my hands in the side pockets to make sure the pocket went down like they should be.
When I reached in my right pocket I found a wadded up receipt that obviously had been washed. At first I started to get a bit upset. See my wife and I have had this discussion a hundred times. See I ask her to please take the receipts out of my pants before she washes them.
Then, before I got upset I thought to myself. “Oh, it's ok that she forgot. I really need to remember to take the things out of my pockets when I take my pants off.”
Then I thought, I guess I'm finally learning what makes a good marriage. What makes a good marriage is when both the husband and wife are willing to change for the other. See now we don't have so many arguments over my wife taking things out of pockets. See I realize that at any time she could be getting Alzheimer's or some other disease that could make her forget to do things. So it really isn't fair for me to expect her to remember to take things out of my pockets when she washes my pants.
And besides why can't I remember to take things out of my pockets when I take my pants off. Why does it take my wife getting old and forgetful for me to stop expecting her to check my pants pockets when she washes? Why didn't I just check my pockets myself, years ago?
The answer is, I should have checked my own pockets years ago. It would have saved many arguments. Even better though would be if years ago I checked my own pockets and my wife also checked my pockets.
I learned the best marriage is when the husband tries to remember to empty his pockets and the wife also tries to remember to check the pockets when she washes. See why? Because both the husband and wife are looking out for each other. Neither is trying to take advantage of the other.
I learned that if both the husband and wife are looking out for each other, if one forgets, hopefully the other will remember. That is the best marriage. When both the husband and wife look out for each other.
What is that verse about two being better than one? Oh yes, it's Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. It reads, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up. Again, if two lie together, they are warm; but how can one be warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him.”
When a husband and wife are willing to compromise, when they are willing to give up their own expectations in return for the honor and joy of caring and loving another human being who they call their spouse, WOW great things ... but unfortunately it takes sometimes a lifetime for most of us to discover this.
Something else I learned, not to many years back, was that I had to forgive my wife and my wife needed to forgive me. Once we thought about what it was that we didn't like about each other, and we both wanted to try and change those things for the better, and we both wanted to forgive each other - once we did that, our marriage began to change. We started loving each other more and more. But forgiveness was the key. But that is a lesson I will save and tell you about in a future writing.
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