|
Fact or Fiction – Sex Is Holy?
Is sex holy? Or are our bodies holy? Is sex simply a function of our body? Or is sex itself holy?
I set out to search the scriptures and find what God has to say about sex.
After studying the scriptures it is clear that our bodies are what is holy. Sex itself is not holy. Sex is simply a bodily function that God has given married couples to have babies and to help couples feel bonded together.
In 1 Corinthians 6 verses 12 to 17 Paul gives us a concise summary of God's view of sex. Paul says:
12" Everything is permissible for me"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"—but I will not be mastered by anything. 13 "Food for the stomach and the stomach for food"—but God will destroy them both. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. 14 By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. 15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh." 17 But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit. 18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 19 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.
In these verses Paul first explains we live under God's Grace and so all things are permissible but not all things are profitable. Then Paul goes on to explain that as Christians we don't want to be mastered by anything. Paul first mentions food. It appears Paul is saying we should not put very much importance on having tasty food, since food is really for the stomach and the stomach is for food. The implication is that food is not supposed to be something we should live for. Some people live for their food. Paul appears to be saying we should eat for the sake of nutrition and not let it master us.
Then Paul goes on and says the body is not made for sexual immorality. Then Paul gives an example of a man having sex with a prostitute. It is clear that Paul is saying it is immoral to have sex with prostitutes and that we as Christians should not do that.
Then Paul explains that our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and so we should not commit sexual sins with our body.
So what other verses are in the New Testament about sexual immorality?
Well, one is in Ephesians 5:3 where Paul says, “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people.”
So what is “sexual immorality”? How is “sexual immorality” defined in the Bible? A few types of “sexual immorality” are mentioned in the New Testament, but the term “sexual immorality” is not defined in the New Testament.
The types of “sexual immorality” that are mentioned in the New Testament are homosexually, adultery, going to a prostitute, fornication, having sex with a close relative and coveting to have sex with a married woman.
Since "sexual immorality" is not clearly defined in the New Testament we have to assume Paul is also referring to the sexual laws in the Old Testament. These laws condemned adultery, homosexuality, bestiality, sex with a virgin (fornication), sex with a close relative and coveting to have sex with a married woman.
So what does God say about sex within marriage?
One verse in Hebrews sums up what God thinks about marriage sex. Hebrews 13:4 says, "Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge." This verse says marriage sex is pure (undefiled) but God will judge those who commit adultery and those who go to prostitutes (whoremonger).
Another passage about marriage sex is where Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 says, “3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
So Paul teaches that sex is something a husband and wife have an obligation to give each other in order to help each other not be tempted to commit adultery because of lack of self-control.
So can a Christian married couple enjoy reading the stories on MarriageRomance.com and have a clear conscience before God? Yes, the purpose of the stories are to help married couples enjoy sex. Paul commands married couples to have sex regularly. The web site is designed to help married couples enjoy fulfilling Paul's instructions to married couples.
So is it sinful to read about someone else's sex life? No, Song of Solomon is a story in the Bible where a couple tells their friends all about their sex life. There is nothing immoral about married couples sharing about their sex life. The danger is that some spouses may get jealous when his or her spouse reads about someone else who may seem more charming from the story.
So what about a story where there are two couples camping or staying in the same room and they see each other undressing at night and this causes them to be more turned on – is this immoral? No, there is nothing in the Bible that would condemn two couples who did see each other nude. In fact in Bible days this most likely was common as people often slept in tents and cuddled together to keep warm and Song of Solomon appears to be a story where the friends do see the bodies of the couple in the story. If the purpose of the interaction between the two couples is for the sake of making the two marriages stronger and if everyone agrees to the interaction and there is no swapping of partners or touching of someone else's spouse, then the interaction is moral.
Nowhere in the Bible did God condemn a married couple who sexually interacted outside of marraige, when both the husband and wife agreed to the sexual interaction or the society allowed the sexual interaction (multiple wives). Examples are where Sarah let Abraham have sex with Hagar (her maid servant). Another is when Abraham let Sarah sleep with the Kings. Another is where King David took additional wives and where Solomon and others took additional wives.
The account of Jacob and his wives and concubines illustrates what is important to God concerning sex. This story is found in Genesis chapter 29 verse 16 through Genesis chapter 30 verse 22. It reads as follows:
16 Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. 17 Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel was lovely in form, and beautiful. 18 Jacob was in love with Rachel and said, "I'll work for you seven years in return for your younger daughter Rachel."
19 Laban said, "It's better that I give her to you than to some other man. Stay here with me." 20 So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.
21 Then Jacob said to Laban, "Give me my wife. My time is completed, and I want to lie with her."
22 So Laban brought together all the people of the place and gave a feast. 23 But when evening came, he took his daughter Leah and gave her to Jacob, and Jacob lay with her. 24 And Laban gave his servant girl Zilpah to his daughter as her maidservant.
25 When morning came, there was Leah! So Jacob said to Laban, "What is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn't I? Why have you deceived me?"
26 Laban replied, "It is not our custom here to give the younger daughter in marriage before the older one. 27 Finish this daughter's bridal week; then we will give you the younger one also, in return for another seven years of work."
28 And Jacob did so. He finished the week with Leah, and then Laban gave him his daughter Rachel to be his wife. 29 Laban gave his servant girl Bilhah to his daughter Rachel as her maidservant. 30 Jacob lay with Rachel also, and he loved Rachel more than Leah. And he worked for Laban another seven years.
31 When the LORD saw that Leah was not loved, he opened her womb, but Rachel was barren. 32 Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, "It is because the LORD has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now."
33 She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, "Because the LORD heard that I am not loved, he gave me this one too." So she named him Simeon.
34 Again she conceived, and when she gave birth to a son she said, "Now at last my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons." So he was named Levi.
35 She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, "This time I will praise the LORD." So she named him Judah. Then she stopped having children.
Genesis 30
1 When Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she became jealous of her sister. So she said to Jacob, "Give me children, or I'll die!"
2 Jacob became angry with her and said, "Am I in the place of God, who has kept you from having children?"
3 Then she said, "Here is Bilhah, my maidservant. Sleep with her so that she can bear children for me and that through her I too can build a family."
4 So she gave him her servant Bilhah as a wife. Jacob slept with her, 5 and she became pregnant and bore him a son. 6 Then Rachel said, "God has vindicated me; he has listened to my plea and given me a son." Because of this she named him Dan.
7 Rachel's servant Bilhah conceived again and bore Jacob a second son. 8 Then Rachel said, "I have had a great struggle with my sister, and I have won." So she named him Naphtali.
9 When Leah saw that she had stopped having children, she took her maidservant Zilpah and gave her to Jacob as a wife. 10 Leah's servant Zilpah bore Jacob a son. 11 Then Leah said, "What good fortune!" So she named him Gad.
12 Leah's servant Zilpah bore Jacob a second son. 13 Then Leah said, "How happy I am! The women will call me happy." So she named him Asher.
14 During wheat harvest, Reuben went out into the fields and found some mandrake plants, which he brought to his mother Leah. Rachel said to Leah, "Please give me some of your son's mandrakes."
15 But she said to her, "Wasn't it enough that you took away my husband? Will you take my son's mandrakes too?"
"Very well," Rachel said, "he can sleep with you tonight in return for your son's mandrakes."
16 So when Jacob came in from the fields that evening, Leah went out to meet him. "You must sleep with me," she said. "I have hired you with my son's mandrakes." So he slept with her that night.
17 God listened to Leah, and she became pregnant and bore Jacob a fifth son. 18 Then Leah said, "God has rewarded me for giving my maidservant to my husband." So she named him Issachar.
19 Leah conceived again and bore Jacob a sixth son. 20 Then Leah said, "God has presented me with a precious gift. This time my husband will treat me with honor, because I have borne him six sons." So she named him Zebulun.
21 Some time later she gave birth to a daughter and named her Dinah.
22 Then God remembered Rachel; he listened to her and opened her womb. 23 She became pregnant and gave birth to a son and said, "God has taken away my disgrace." 24 She named him Joseph, and said, "May the LORD add to me another son."
To summarize, Jacob thinks he is marrying Rachael but wakes up on the day after the wedding in bed with Leah. Then after a week he gets his first choice Rachael. Because Rachael cannot have children she lets her maidservant Bilhah have sex with Jacob. And when Leah stops having children, she also gives her maidservant Zilpah to Jacob to have sex with. During these years Rachael and Leah are continually jockying for Jacobs attention in bed. Leah even buys a night with Jacob from her sister Rachael in trade for giving Rachael some mandrake plants.
You might think God is turning a blind eye to Jacob's multiple partners. However when we read the text closely, God is very aware of what is going on as God is controlling who gets pregnant. For example God has compassion on Leah because she is not loved by Jacob and so God gives her children. From this account it seems clear God does not consider it sin when Jacob has sex with multiple women.
Which brings up an observation that your and my idea of what is sexually moral is different from what God thinks is sexually moral. Today, any sexual conduct that is not between one husband and wife is considered immoral. Most Christians think it is immoral to even read about someone else's love life or watch a video of their love life.
God is the same yesterday today and forever. God's idea of what is sexually moral has less to do with one partner. God's idea of what is sexually moral in a marriage has more to do with what the husband and wife agree on. As long as Rachael and Leah agreed, it was ok for Jacob to have sex with their maidservants; that is what made it moral in God's eyes.
Jacob has sex outside of marriage, with Bilhah and with Zilpah and yet God does not consider this sex immoral because Jacob's wives insisted he do it. Notice that in the Bible stories when a married person did have sex with someone outside of marriage, they never “desired sex” but rather their partner insisted they have sex.
The exception to this rule was when a man took an additional wife. And of course this is one huge exception that shows men in Bible days did not respect their wives.
In Bible days the reason men took additional wives and concubines was because women had no rights. Today there are few women who would allow their husband to have sex outside of marriage and there are few men, who like Abraham, would allow their wife to have sex outside of marriage.
God's best is for a husband and wife to keep their physical sex to themselves. This prevents jealousy. MarriageRomance.com allows stories that contain limited visual and verbal sexual interaction (but no physcial interaction) between couples because they recognize the stories can be exciting to read.
In conclusion, sex is not holy, but rather our bodies and our lives are holy. In God's eyes sexual privacy between one man and one woman is not what makes sex moral. What makes sex moral in God's eyes is that each husband and wife be in agreement when it comes to the sexual activities in their marriage. Because of jealousy and because we as Christians want to "abstain from all appearance of evil", I strongly recommend married couples keep their physical sex to themselves and instead read stories or watch videos to add passion to their marriages when necessary.
As Christians we want to live our lives to please God and show God's love to others and tell them the good news that Jesus died for their sins.
As Christians we shouldn't live our life for sex, however we are commanded to have sex regularly. Marriage sex certainly has a higher priority and justification in the lives of a Christian married couple, than say living for tasty food, or living for golf, hunting, greed, vacations, retirement etc. Certainly we cannot condemn our married brothers and sisters in Christ who feel that it is helpful in their marriage to find creative ways to help them more fully enjoy their sex lives. And certainly reading stories is far safer for our body (which is holy) than is taking drugs like Viagra to help our sex life.
|
|